Writing on Tony's Wall
by Kereea
Summary: The many messages left by the Avengers, their friends, Loki, and a few villains on the walls of an Avengers Tower bathroom
1. Malekith, Pranks, and Laundry, oh my!

A/N: This started as my and general zargon filling a prompt on norsekink and pretty much when wild. I'm going to try and break the chapters by 1000 words each, and then once we catch up to the present I'll update weekly or bi-weekly, depending on what we get. we don't own Thor, the avengers, or anyone else Marvel-related.

.o.o.o.

For a good time, call Tony Stark (727-349-3185)

Okay, seriously, I'll take you up on that offer but only if you don't try to kill me when you leave the morning after (written in Mr. Stark's hand writing)

Malekith the Accursed:  
>Does anyone else think that SHIELD needs a bigger bathroom?<br>P.S. Don't ask how I managed to get in here...

Malekith, this is Loki. Give me back my casket, and no one dies.  
>Also, yes, this bathroom is rather small. One must assume Hulk handles his business elsewhere.<br>Remember: Casket of Ancient Winters. My hands. Tomorrow. Your funeral otherwise (and I won't ask what you want on your gravestone because there won't be enough left of you to put in a grave!).

Malekith the Accursed:  
>Loki, I do not have your casket. I gave it to a random mortal around a week ago to see what would happen. It was actually rather funny.<br>With the size of the SHIELD personnel, one would think they would spring for a larger bathroom.  
>You are welcome to try and find me. I actually took a page out of your book of hiding places.<p>

Agent Coulson, I wish to inform you of what might be called a situation. Kindly note that any mortal who manages to open the Casket will die within seconds, thus leaving it open and causing a massive, spreading dome of winter. You might want to get the Avengers on that.  
>If anyone needs me, I will be dissecting a certain half-dead dark-elf.<br>Finally, I vote we take out a wall so that the bathroom can be combined with the closet next-door for greater size. Thoughts?  
>Sincerely, Loki Silver-tongue<p>

Hey Thor, I've got a demolition project for you!-Tony

In the interest of keeping my current source of amusement going for a little while longer, I have unleashed a troll with a bad case of dandruff in the middle of the cafeteria at the main SHIELD base.  
>Loki, you are looking for me in the entirely wrong places, so be aware that each time you guess wrong, I shall be laughing at you. Ha!<br>Also, has anyone seen my favorite scarf? I have the feeling that I left it somewhere around here, but I cannot seem to remember where...  
>Signed, Malekith the Accursed<p>

Dude, the troll thing so wasn't funny. It threw...wait, if I tell you this, you'll like it.  
>Oh, yeah, is the scarf a red one that has MtA embroidered on the ends? I found it. You can have it back when you give Loki the location of the box-thing so NYC can stop being snowy in July.<br>Loki, in the interest of the trade working, could you maybe make sure he doesn't kill me?  
>Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man *cute drawing of a spider*<p>

All right, first off, Spider, I commend your excellence and shall teleport to your exactly location should you activate the talisman I left in your backpack. Second, the Casket of Ancient winters is NOT a "box-thingy"!  
>Malekith, pay up or the scarf will be destroyed. Horribly.<br>Loki Liemsmith

Loki, do me a favor and don't go into my backpack again. Thanks for the talisman, though.  
>Spidey<p>

Yes, that is the scarf. My thanks for locating it, and though I refuse to do anything about the dandruff flakes scattered around the SHIELD cafeteria, I suppose I can tell you where the casket is. However, I shall do something horrible to you if even one thread is out of place.  
>Oh well, it was amusing watching the mortals try and figure out why it was suddenly snowing all over the world while it lasted. At least I have my scarf back, and I got a good laugh at Loki's expense.<br>Sincerely, Malekith the Accursed  
>P.S. Wait, is that a ketchup stain? Prepare to meet your doom, Spiderman!<p>

Loki, save me! Come on, I helped you out!

^Oh, that was Spider-Man by the way. And I didn't do anything to the scarf! Spider-Scout's honor!

Miss Potts, I think you might need to put up anti-magic wards. I know _I_ can teleport anywhere in here I please. Might I recommend Dr. Strange? Since, after all, I won't do it for free.  
>Loki<br>P.S. Spider, only if you tie up Iron Man so I can use him as a piñata

Spider-Man, I hope you enjoy that little curse I put on your underwear drawer. *Insert diabolical laugh here* Ahem, at any rate, I have decided to spare you only because I recently found a way to remove even tough stains like ketchup from delicate fabrics. Well that, and I can't hang around too long writing this, because I have it on good authority that the resident SHIELD agents didn't appreciate that troll I set loose...  
>I'm off to find someone else to torment, so consider yourself lucky!<br>Signed, Malekith the Accursed

Pepper:  
>Oh great...Now I have to go track down Dr. Strange...-_-.<p>

...Did Malekith just admit he found Oxi-Clean? And btw, he hexed a dresser in one of the guest rooms here, Pepper. Yay for secret IDs, he doesn't know where I live.  
>Spider-Man<p>

Loki, why does the doorbell burst into flames whenever I try to ring it?-Clint

Thanks a lot, Spidey, now _someone_ (Loki) just filled all the washers and dryers with Oxi-Clean.  
>Natasha<p>

I know where your room at the Avengers mansion is now, Spiderman. Aren't locator spells grand? Now all I have to do is think up something particularly nasty to do to you with this information...  
>Actually, the doorbell was my little way of saying goodbye for now, archer.<br>Sincerely, Malekith the Accursed

Pepper: Great, now I have to ask Dr. Strange to de-hex an underwear drawer. I hope Tony realizes that I'm getting a raise for this.

Hank Pym: Hey, does anyone know when the washers and dryers will be cleaned out? A lot of the uniforms are starting to smell, and I think I heard some of the janitorial staff mutter about going on strike...


	2. Teamups, Popcorn, and DOOM!

The saga continues. general zargon and I own nothing

.o.o.o.

...Malekith, I still hate you, but what Spider meant was that he doesn't live here at all. "His room" is only for a random overnight or two. On the upside, your troll broke free and gave Tony Stark a concussion. I am pleased with that.  
>Loki<br>PS: See Barton, I told you the doorbell wasn't me! Just because I'm the God of Lies does not mean I never say anything that's true!

...You know, what with the tricks he's playing, Malekith might be trying to steal your "God of Mischief" title Loki. Oh, and we're still going to that party together next week, right?  
>Darcy<p>

Clint-Loki, fine, I'm sorry about the doorknob. Now get those weasels out of my bedroom! I mean it!

Hmmm, I wondered why there did not seem to be any personal items lying around, but I suppose that now I know. I wonder whose room I hexed then?  
>And on that note, I hope someone there thought to give said troll some medicated shampoo.<br>Sincerely, Malekith the Accursed

Loki:  
>Not on my watch he isn't! Especially not right under my nose! That title is mine, unfair and square! I'm going to have to really step up the tricks, I see. Take this as your only warning, Barton. Next time it won't be weasels in your bedroom.<br>Yes, we are most certainly going to that party next week, Darcy. I look forward to seeing what you'll be wearing. ;)

Thanks a lot Darcy-hey, stop flirting with/dating the enemy!-Clint

Hawkeye, Loki's pretty much neutral by now. Makes sense of a God of Mischief, anyways, he does whatever suits him. Oh, yeah, and um, remember how you guys asked me to tie up the troll? Well, Daredevil showed up and they started fighting and boom! there goes what was left of the laundry room. The, um, person I live with offered to "let me do my friends' laundry" if it comes to that.  
>Spider-Man<p>

Thanks, Spidey, your aunt is awesome!-Tony

...Wait, you live with your aunt?-Clint  
>PS: Nothing weird in my room yet...getting kind of paranoid.<p>

Darcy: Like your one to talk, Clint! :P

Damn it, Tony! You can look forward to webbing in your armor for that! Stop telling people stuff about me!  
>Spider-Man<br>P.S. Hawkeye, have you checked your closet?

Damn it! Tony, Spider-Man's gone evil and teamed up with Loki! There's like eighty spaniel-sized spiders in my closet! What they hell, Spidey?

I think that was Clint. Spider-Man, while I certainly don't think you've "gone evil", I thought I said you should only be friends with Loki if you met at the therapist's office-Steve Rogers

...and now you've _really_ done it-Agent Coulson  
>PS: Loki, Spider-Man, as I will be out of town for a few days, I hereby declare myself neutral involving whatever insanity you have planned (though I would like everything documented for filing. Torture Stark for the paperwork if you have to)<p>

*Insert crudely drawn picture of a grinning Loki rubbing his hands together evilly*

And that pretty much says it all.  
>Spider-Man<br>P.S. Hawkeye, you ain't seen nothing yet!

Thor: I have to admit, it will be quite amusing to see the Son of Coul get buried by paperwork when he returns. Come Avengers, let us go partake in the custom of eating popcorn while we laugh at the insanity to come.

Captain America, Spider-Man wished for me to tell you (which I shall because I am also of the sentiment) that as a matter of fact we _did_ meet in therapy because we consider complaining about the rest of you via sarcasm and witticisms to be therapy. PS-you were trapped in ice for over half a century. Haven't _you_ had to have therapy yet?  
>Loki<br>*drawing of Iron Man running from what look like rubber ducks* Oh, and that's happening right now.

...Loki, you need to stop writing so much. It's wall instant-messaging, not an essay contest-Hank

If anyone wants to join me and Thor with popcorn (and not paint targets on their heads as Hank just demonstrated), please tell Pepper you are on the neutral team-Janet

Hulk want popcorn! *crudely drawn smiley face*

Thanks for making yourself a target, Hank! Maybe now I'll have time to process all the insanity and take breather. ^_^  
>Signed, Hawkeye<p>

Kudos to whoever in the supply department managed to find a Hulk-sized popcorn bowl. I'll make sure to recommend you for a raise. -Pepper

Thor: Indeed, the popped corn is a delightful snack while we watch Iron Man run from animated rubber ducks. Does anyone have any butter?

Guys, I just woke up with bulls-eyes all over my room. And my clothes. And my school stuff. At my house. I think Tony told Hawkeye where I live. I vote we activate plan Epsilon-NOW  
>Your-Getting-Progressively-Less-Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man<p>

See? Booby traps: they're not just for archenemies anymore!  
>Loki ;)<br>PS: thank you for recommending those sci-fi books. I was getting SO bored with the mystery genre, most of it was trite or outright presumptuous

Hey, Darth Loki, don't lure little Spidey-Skywalker over to the dark side, we need him-Tony *picture of Iron Man blasting rubber ducks with bazooka*

...Tony, I thought you quit making weapons?-Steve

Actually, that was me, just because I felt like it...and because the archer tracked me down and asked nicely.  
>Sincerely, Malekith the Accursed.<p>

Darcy: Hey Loki, because our last date turned into a disaster because of the stampede, how would you like a quiet night in with a movie to make it up to me?

I did. I bought this on E-Bay. –Tony

...Clint, what was that about, oh I don't know, teaming up with bad guys? At least Loki has standards!...and now a 3rd super-villain _knows where I live_. Damn it.  
>-Spider-Man-who-is-officially-no-longer-friendly<p>

What? Who are these three villains other than DOOM who have discovered the secret of Spider-Man! They shall PAY! This is RICHARDS FAULT!

...Loki, your stalker's here...  
>-Janet<br>PS: Metal-head, they're Loki, Malekith, and Green Goblin. That's right, you got beat by a half dead guy, a bomb-happy psychopath, and, okay, Loki's pretty smart, so that's not so bad...

Hey guys, Loki and I are relocating for movie night. Spider-Man, Loki said Plan Epsilon is in your sock drawer, and to please use it on Doom since he's an "insipid stalker who needs a life."  
>Darcy<br>PS-Janet, Jane, Pepper, or Natasha-one of you kick Doom in the balls for me

Hey, I didn't start this war, but it's on!-Hawkeye

Natasha: I would be happy to, Darcy. Give me and Jane a moment to ambush Doom when he sneaks into the bathroom to reply to Janet's message.

Thank you for the compliments, Spider-Man and Miss Janet.  
>As Darcy said, she and I will be relocating, so don't expect to see us for at least 3 days.<br>I look forward to hearing the reports of my stalker screaming in incredible pain upon my return.  
>Signed, Loki<p>

WHAT! THE GREEN GOBLIN AND A HALF-DEAD ELF PRESUME TO HAVE THE BRILLIANCE TO DISCOVER THE CAREFULLY GUARDED IDENTITY OF SPIDER-MAN BEFORE DOO- *trailing squiggle down the wall and counter*

We got him. And, uh, I'm a little worried that Loki gave Spider-Man what looks like a hybrid of a light-saber and a whip. I mean, Loki uses whips and all but...yeah...  
>Jane<p>

I can have it back, right? It's my early birthday present!...okay, _maybe_ letting Loki have my Star Wars DVDs was a bad idea, but now I have something if webs and quips fail!  
>Spider-Man<br>PS: Hawkeye, you're going down! And you didn't start the fight, but _you _made it a war!

Why is Doom tied up on the coffee table?-Steve  
>PS: Spider-Man, do Tony and I need to talk to your aunt about this?<p>

.o.o.o.

Please review! :)


	3. Plushies, Ducks, and MORE DOOM!

3rd bit. Same disclaimer

.o.o.o.

Tony: No, because I'm currently taking it apart to figure out how Loki managed to make it work. Don't count on getting it back in working order! ;)

Hey, you started it by putting those damned spiders in my closet! Or getting Loki to, either way the whole thing is on you, man! I was only trying to defend myself!-Hawkeye

Natasha: We were going to let him go after beating him up, as Loki and Darcy requested, but then Spider-Man mentioned something about Loki asking him to do something to Doom. Jane and I decided it best not to ask.

Thor: Truly, this has been most amusing. I am only saddened by the fact that we are out of popcorn.

No, it was payback for you stealing all the quip-age last month! That's totally my job! You shoot arrows and act agent-y and I shoot webs and quip! You stole my thing!  
>So, yeah...you started it. And the spiders were animated plushies, how did you not notice that?...HAWKEYE'S SCARED OF PLUSHIES!<br>Spidey *spider taking a bow*

Stark, I just got back from vacation, and you never turned your paperwork in, Spider-Man filed a report on unlawful seizure of a "magi-tech light-saber whip", Clint is carrying bug spray in his quiver, and there is a supervillain who technically has diplomatic immunity on the coffee table. Team debriefing! Now!  
>Agent Phil Coulson (aka the man who'll have your heads)<p>

Thor...you know we have your little brother's stalker tied up. In the den. The man who wants to do many sexual things to your little brother against said brother's will...? Janet

If that doesn't rid the world of Dr. D, nothing will-Johnny Storm *FLAME ON written in what looks like highlighter*

No, I'M the sarcastic guy, you're the guy with the one-liners! And they were not plushies! I checked!-Hawkeye

Thor: ...Excuse me for a moment. *High pitched screams of pain come from the den before a long period of silence*...I have returned. I had actually thought I wasn't allowed to do anything to Doom outside of battle, but I am relieved to know that I was wrong.

Jan, why did you feel the need to start an international incident?  
>Hank<p>

I'm a teenager, sarcasm is totally mine too!...And yeah, they were. I checked. Unless they turn not-plush when you're...around...oh...Hahahaha! That's awesome!  
>Oh, and Venom says she's going to eat me tonight-the Bugle interviewed him for some reason. Sue for harassment, or hide?<br>Spidey

Look, Hank, so long as we prove Doom was here doing something illegal, like stalking Loki because stalking is wrong, he's the one at fault.  
>Jan<p>

...Like writing on bathroom walks in Tony's house without Tony's permission? -Jane

Stark. Paperwork. I mean it. I'll sick Miss Potts and Col. Rhodes on you.  
>Coulson<p>

I'd do both, Spidey. Preferably at the same time.  
>Tony<br>P.S. I don't mind the writing, since it gives us all something to look at while we're doing our business.

...You're going down, Spider-Man! Now where'd I put the elf's number?-Hawkeye

Hank: Alright, but I'm going to stand far away from you when Fury finds out about it so I don't get caught in the crossfire.

Thanks, Tony. Now we can't sue Doom for that. I guess we could ask Loki to file a harassment claim...  
>Jane<p>

Jane, he set the last paperwork the son of Coul gave him on fire. And then turned the ashes into a duck. Better to just make sure the doctor knows to leave my brother alone-Thor

I've got a lot of stuff to do guys, so, um, I'll be not-superhero-ing until Tuesday...yeah. Tony, I want my light-saber whip back! Come on, it's not like i know how to use the thing!  
>Your-ready-to-sue-for-theft-neighborhood Spider-Man<p>

Tony, Coulson said you haven't done something important. Do we need a repeat of your birthday party?—Rhodey

You mean the party where I peed in the Ironman armor?  
>Jane, well sorry I don't get ticked everytime someone leaves a memo on the bathroom wall!<br>Tony  
>P.S. Sorry Spidey, but I borrowed it fair and square. If it makes you feel any better, I left a prototype of the new taser Stark Industries is developing in your dresser. Let me know how it works, 'kay?<p>

Jane: Oh. I wondered why there was a slightly singed-looking duck wandering around base, but now I know.

Yes, I actually found it to be quite helpful in unnerving the new recruits. -Thor *Insert crudely drawn smiley face*

I meant the party where I kicked your butt in an older version of your suit-Rhodey

...Taser? Oh, no, that's no problem at all! Darcy can even tell me how to use it! :)  
>Your Satisfied Neighborhood Spider-Man<p>

I thought he said he wasn't going to be back until Loki was, you know, so Malekith and Clint couldn't double team him?-Janet

I think he came back to collect his game-boy. He was letting JARVIS download some games.  
>Steve<br>PS: Someone hide the singed duck before PETA finds out. Pepper's orders.

Hey! I'll have you know I was totally plastered for most of that, so it doesn't count! You should just be grateful that I let you keep the War Machine armor! *Insert grumbling here*  
>Tony<p>

Janet: The duck has been hidden, so no one look in the third guest room down from Hawkeye's room. I have to say though, the duck was actually pretty easy going about the whole thing.

Yeah, it makes me hope that no one ever finds out about that incident with the penguins and the chupacabra. –Hank


	4. Vegas, Theiving and Aunts

Same disclaimer

.o.o.o.

I know Loki's going to be back and reading this soon, so let me make this very clear, trickster: You join the Avenger,s or you stop freeloading at the tower. Your pick!  
>Nick Fury, who's sick of all the motherf*****g freeloaders in the motherf*****g hero business.<p>

Okay, Fury, one, it's Tony's house, not yours. Two, did you know that telling Loki to do something or not do something results in the opposite? And three, at ;east he wasn't being too much of a super villain (unlike that guy Clint teamed up with so now Spider-Man's hiding until Loki gets back).  
>Pepper Potts<br>PS: The Avengers like me better

^All of the above seconded by Natasha Romanov, Hank Pym, and Janet Van Dyne

Okay, Tony, look, we're doing this all wrong. You give Coulson the paperwork, and I'll turn a blind eye should you kidnap Steve to go to Vegas, okay?  
>Rhodey<p>

And it's also seconded by Tony, who actually owns the 'motherf*****g' house. Loki, I want it known that if you want to freeload around here, feel free. At least it's never boring with the God of Mischief around.  
>Tony<br>P.S. Seriously Rhodey? And you'll run interference with Pepper and Coulson?

Thor: I also agree with Miss Potts. Oh, and Loki? When you get back and read this, could you please move the singed duck to a nice pond somewhere where it would be happy? I believe the poor creature has been through enough.

Wait, what? Where do I come into this? –Steve

Tony, can we discuss terms where no one else will read them?  
>Rhodey<br>PS: Steve, he has a total man-crush on you. You were his hero growing up.

Hello all, I'm back. I /may/ consider joining your team if someone lists the pros and cons in a straightforward manner and does not attempt to force me into therapy against my will (I prefer randomly griping to Darcy and Spider-Man). Otherwise, Tony, I will continue "freeloading" but may help out should I wish (or hinder, should I wish). Thor, I will relocate the duck, but only because its quacking irks me. /Damn/ there's a lot to write when you've been gone awhile.  
>Loki<br>...why is Spider-Man hiding until I return?

He's scared Hawkeye and Malekith will kill him, even if he has Tony's super-taser. He wants you to let him know when you get back. And Thor wanted me to thank you for moving the duck.  
>Jane<p>

Thanks for leaving Doom in the den! I made sure he knows to stay away from my man! ;)  
>Darcy<p>

...I don't really know what to say to that. Thanks, I guess?  
>Steve<p>

Awesome! Now I can finally come out of hiding without fearing for my life! Well, beyond the usual amount, anyway.  
>Your Friendly-and-very-relieved-Spider-Man<p>

Darcy: Yeah, but it was worth it! ;) Coming back to find Doom in the den was just a nice way to wrap up our little vacation.

Rhodey! Why'd you have to tell him that? And who took the whip-thingy?  
>Tony<p>

My, my, Mr. Stark, I didn't know you were so kinky.  
>Loki<p>

My money's on Loki took it. I saw Darcy walking around with the taser you gave Spider-Man. I think they traded.  
>Pepper<p>

I think our friendly neighborhood wall-crawler is our tricky neighborhood troll. Tony, can you tell that aunt of his? Or does she not know, like Bruce guessed?  
>Clint<p>

Hey! Unfair! We had a deal, Spidey! Now I'm going to have to build a new taser to hit you with.  
>I have no idea if his aunt knows. Want me to go by and ask her?<br>Tony

Spider-Man: Don't you dare tell my aunt! If you even think about it, you'll wake up webbed to the ceiling of a random building!

Thanks for the taser, Spidey! Now I won't have to deal with a lot of drunk people grabbing my *** at the next victory party. -Darcy :)

What? When did this happen, and who was involved?  
>Loki<p>

Spider Man, did you take my cell phone?  
>Tony<br>PS: I will walk to your house if necessary.

I did. Now, Spider-Man, tell your aunt before Tony gets there (or tases you). I'm sure whatever reason you have for not telling her isn't as bad as you think it is. Look, you admitted that 3 villains (or 2 villains and Loki, he seems to like you enough to leave her alone) know who you are. You should tell her so she is aware of that fact.  
>Steve<br>PS-Tony, you're not taking me to Vegas w/out my permission.

I am going to assume those two agents I hired to help with the filing and breifiings are glued to the ceiling because of Loki related to the incident he and Miss Lewis were discussing above. On another note, Clint, I know you and Malekith are randomly plotting to pants Spider-Man. Stop. I found out he's a minor. We don't need you listed as a sexual predator.  
>Agent Coulson<br>PS-Stark you will give the back-paperwork to me NOW

How about we just ask him for his civilian Facebook page, since you're all so happy giving out random details?-Jane  
>PS-this seems like a day for putting PS notes, huh?<p>

...Okay, I guess that makes sense. Wow, Cap, you ever thought of being a motivational speaker? You'd be as rich as Tony!  
>Spider-Man<p>

Da** it! Hey Steve, want to go to Vegas? I swear I won't take you to any of the really freaky clubs! -Tony  
>P.S. Coulson, I hid the paperwork you want in random places in your office. And before you bring it up, you did NOT say it had to be on your desk! <p>


	5. Confessions, Jealousy, and Frigga

Ditto the disclaimer. This is the finally of the pre-done stuff, I'll post next Thursday what we have in a week!

.o.o.o.

Hank: Yes, it does look like a day for PS notes,Jane. Does Spider-Man even have Facebook?  
>P.S. (Yeah, I'm jumping on the bandwagon too) By the way, has anyone seen that folder labeled "Top Secret" that was on my desk this morning? I seem to have misplaced it somewhere between the file cabinet and the bathroom...<p>

Janet: I found it! I left it in my room, so you'll have to go there to get it. ;)

Sorry about the two agents. I tried to talk him out of it, honest! –Darcy

Oh you did not. You were laughing the whole time I showed you those idiots *trailing mark*

I told my aunt, and she's not mad at me or anything! YAY! Oh, and Loki, Doom escaped. Spider-Man

Sorry about that, he ran in, hugged me and took my pen. Now, where was I? Oh, yes, Thor, mother wants to talk to us (she used the "I'm your mother and you're in trouble" voice, so we need to figure out what we did).  
>Loki<br>I just read Spider's message. I'll be hunting Doom for a few hours, but I'll show up around 3 in the afternoon so Thor and I can try to figure out what we did.

...Stark, why did you fill everything out in pencil? I made copies, so that way they can't be altered, but still, use a pen next time-Coulson

Hey Phil, I just got back from dealing with a major villain. Care to debrief me?-Clint

Darcy: Fine, I admit it, but in my defense it was pretty funny! Speaking of funny, Loki, do you want to go see that new comedy movie that just came out once you finish dealing with your stalker?

Thor: Oh. I cannot think of anything, but maybe it was something we didn't know we weren't supposed to do? I will have to think about it some more...

Heh, that was pretty funny, wasn't it? I couldn't find my pen, so I just used the pencil I found under my couch. Besides, I knew no one but you would actually find all of it. :)  
>Tony<p>

...Fine. I reserved conference room 7 for the debriefing, Clint.  
>Tony, be that as it may, use a pen next time. Even if you have to borrow one from Miss Potts. –Coulson<p>

You mean the one with Johnny Depp where his identity is stolen and to get it back he has to team up with a geeky order of monks? Sure. Spider-Man and Wasp both liked it. Ant-Man seemed iffy, but he's not a comedy person.  
>Thor, think harder. Specific dates, fighting over something she considers foolish? I know we've both been writing her because she worries...damn it, I still don't know.<br>Loki  
>PS: Darcy, I'll pick you up at 8. Doom went back to Latveria-he was distracted by wanting to kill Reed Richards.<p>

First, Loki, 2 things. 1-Don't call me Ant-Man. I don't like superhero names. 2-Where do you get the time to write long notes on the walls?  
>Jan, I'll see you after dinner about that file.<br>Hank

Coulson and Clint, sitting in a tree!-Tony

You want them to kill you, don't you Tony? Rhodey told I should ask you "why your suicidal tendencies have resurfaced" so not I want to know: when were you suicidal before?  
>Steve<p>

Darcy: That's the one! Since Spidey and Jan liked it, I figured it had to be worth a look. I'll see you at 8. ;)

Of course *Ant-Man*, my apologies. And to answer your question, I get bored rather easily, and I write fast.  
>Loki<p>

Tony wants me to tell you 'no comment', Steve. I'll keep an eye on him, though. -Pepper

Jane: Thor says he still doesn't know, but he thinks it has something to do with the Muspelheim Incident, whatever that means. What exactly did you two do?

Pepper, tell Steve to leave me alone...he's following me around like I'm going to jump out a window...  
>Tony<p>

Right, forgot, for Loki no means yes and don't means do it all the time. Damn it.-Hank  
>PS: Coulson, Clint, can you keep the next "debriefing" down w bit? You kept half the floor up all night.<p>

*fancy handwriting* Actually I just wanted you boys to finally bring home those girls you're always mooning over. Especially Loki-have you ever had a steady girlfriend?-Frigga.

1-How did our mother know about these notes? 2-who gave her a Sharpie? 3-Thor, she's in embarrassment mode. Be afraid-Loki  
>PS: Tony, here's a hint about your best friend trailing you like a puppy-Hank did it to Janet when she almost got killed on a mission, I did it to Darcy after she was kidnapped, Spider-Man did it to a civilian girl whose name I continue to insist I do not know because I <em>do not<em> after Hydro Man Stalked her for a bit, and Bruce does it to Betty _all the time_. Think about it.


	6. All This in Two Days? We Must Be Crazy!

We had a _lot_, so I updated a day early. general zargon and I don't own anyone in here. And the chapter title refers to everything here happening in the space of 2 days-it took us a week to go this far.

.o.o.o.

Sorry! The "mission" was pretty exciting. We'll try and keep it down next time. -Clint ;)

Great! Now all I have to do is adapt it so that word doesn't get out to the media...Wish me luck!  
>Tony<p>

Thor: Didn't you tell her, brother? I do not know the origin of the Sharpie, but I suspect that either Spider-Man or Tony have something to do with it. I shall do my best to prepare myself, then. I wish you the best of luck when she meets Darcy, brother.

Jan: Aw, don't worry Hank, I'm sure plenty of people don't call you Ant-Man! By the way, you left some papers in my room last night...*Insert winking smiley face here*

Excuse me, but this Spider-Man's aunt. I was wondering if any of you had ideas for his 17th birthday party. Thank you!

Thor, Loki, prepare to get along for an afternoon. You're taking us shopping so we look good to meet your mom-Jane

SPIDEY'S STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL! That's hilarious! Ooh, ooh, how about a Twilight party? i hear that's all the rage with teenagers! Or chemistry themed, since he's a little science prodigy! Haha!  
>Clint<p>

1: Captain America, Iron Man, get a room and talk it out or I'll get Miss Potts' permission to lock you in one.  
>2: Hawkeye, you know better to insult Spider-Man to the point where he is ready to help me annoy you. But you might not know this: Do not piss off his aunt. EVER.<br>Loki  
>PS: Darcy, Jane, Thor wasn't to know where to meet you or if you're driving us somewhere form the tower, and when.<br>Spider-Man's aunt, I know he wants some Petri dishes, but that's it. And I gave him his present two weeks ago.

Hank: Thanks Jan, but sometimes I wonder why I even bother to try...*Sigh*

In front of the tower will be fine, since you guys probably don't know where the mall is when it isn't about to be destroyed by a psychotic supervillain. -Darcy

You better not, or I'll be the one teaming up with Malekith to get you back!  
>Tony<br>P.S. I recommend a spider-themed party, just to be ironic.

Clint: Yeah, yeah. But now I'm wondering, how are all these people getting into the bathroom? Especially Spidey's aunt...Is that some kind of magic relative power at work?

As a former psychotic supervillain I take offense to that remark. Mild offense anyways, because admittedly Thor and I do not know where the mall is-probably because you haven't said which mall.  
>Loki<br>PS-I told Miss Potts, Tony. She said she had something better planned, so you're safe from me...but not her

Clint, she has a car. And we're going to let her keep coming-she's willing to cook and so far only Hank, Spidey, and Darcy have managed that.  
>Steve<br>PS: I recommend a sci-fi party like Loki did, since he made me watch "the new" Star Trek movie with him.

Wait, wait, he had me watch Star Wars with him! you're allowed to like both?-Happy Hogan

Darcy: Sorry! I keep forgetting that you were a supervillain. :) The mall we mean is the one with the large skylight down by Restaurant Lane, you know where I mean?

Yes, apparently you are allowed to like both. I don't really know how, but it is possible. -Rhodey

Tony:...I'm going to go hide now. I'll be back when this all blows over!

Not exactly what I meant, but what the hey? I like the fact that at least someone knows how to cook in this place. By the way, has anyone that one guy who borrowed my pen in the last meeting? I kind of need it back...  
>Clint<p>

I'm just that charming, Darcy. And Barton, really? You only have access to one pen in the whole tower? That's sad.  
>Loki<p>

Bye everyone, we're off to the mall! We'll try to bring Thor and Loki back hot-exhausted!-Jane

Actually Loki, there was a microchip in it, and if we don't find the damn thing fast, Fury won't stop yelling at Clint. So, available Avengers, find that pen! It's a blue ballpoint with "Masque" written on the side.  
>Coulson<p>

Um, I just noticed we haven't heard from Malekith ever since you said he and Clint couldn't pants me. That doesn't bode well...what was on the microchip?  
>Spider-Man<br>PS: My aunt wants to know if you want Hamburger Casserole for dinner (it's awesome! take it!).

It's Darcy, needed to use the B-room real quick. I think Jane meant NOT exhausted.

*little arrow pointed to Darcy's note, is written off to the side and was clearly put there much later* Jane: You just keep thinking that. ;)

That is classified information, which basically means hurry up and find the thing!  
>Agent Coulson<br>P.S. Hamburger Casserole sounds fine.

Jan: The casserole sounds great! Still haven't found the pen though...

The barracks is clear, no sign of the pen. And to the owner of those magazines (you know who you are), find a better hiding place.

Seriously, who needs a stack of GQ anyways? I double swept the hanger mini-sized, and had my ants search the offices. Battalion B never came back though...  
>Hank<p>

That was me. I didn't know they were yours-Pepper  
>PS: Loki, when you get back form the mall and read this, do a summoning spell if you have the energy, okay?<p>

...Hey, I just looked at a bunch of these...a lot of them have features of Tony...  
>Natasha<br>PS: No luck in the basement

Damn it! They didn't get my good side in half of those!  
>Tony<br>PS: I went through my workshop top to bottom. It's not there unless Dummy did something to it…

Hank: It's fine, but you have to give the remaining ants some sugar as an apology.

I don't know, I thought you looked pretty good in that one picture of you brushing your teeth. :)  
>Janet<br>P.S. I searched the air vents on the off-chance while small-sized, but no luck.

I looked through the supply closets, but I didn't find anything aside from a detergent and -for some reason- a French maid uniform...

Pepper: Tony, have you asked Dummy if he saw the pen? It can't hurt, and we're running out of places to look until Loki gets back.

...That was my Halloween costume Bruce...thanks a lot for ruining it. :{  
>Janet<p>

Wait a minute...a lot of magazines that all have pictures of Tony...Tony, I think we need a list of all your known stalkers and possibly obsessed ex-girlfriends-Steve

Okay, I'll get the list after I ask Dummy. Let me change clothes, no use in him spraying a good suit with a fire extinguisher...  
>Tony<p>

Don't forget his ex-boyfriends-Clint  
>PS: Hurry. I'm writing this on my five minute break from Fury's evil eye!<p>

Apologies, I didn't know.

Hank:...Is there any chance of you getting another one, Jan?

I've returned from the mall, and yes, Miss Potts, I will be happy to perform a summoning spell to locate the missing pen as soon as I get something to eat and take a small nap.  
>Loki<br>P.S. What is this about a stalker on base?

Chill, Loki, it's not YOUR stalker. Besides, we've got Steve to protect Tony. ;)  
>Spider-Man<p>

...I hate you, kid.  
>Tony<br>PS: Dummy sprayed me with a fire extinguisher. I hope you're all happy.

Aw, but Tony, that's how he shows affection!-Jan  
>PS: Oh no, Hank, now I've got to top it...<p>

Darcy-Um, Loki pretty much passed out in *the word "our" is crossed out* his room and there's something glowing in the hedges outside. Does the pen in question glow a really weird shade of pink?

Steve: Tony, be nice. We are only trying to prevent you from getting kidnapped. Again.

I'm not sure, unless the locator spell is supposed to make the pen glow a weird color? -Hank  
>P.S. Um, what did you have in mind?<p>

Mister Stark, your suit is now extinguishing foam-free after a trip to the dry cleaners.  
>Pepper<p>

Thor: I have found the pen! It was glowing in the hedges outside, exactly as Darcy said. Oh, and Darcy, would you please tell my brother when he wakes up that a remarkably insistent dog is here to see him? It has a letter in its mouth that somehow appears to be free of dog drool...

...Guys, Loki couldn't have cast the spell. He's still out cold (literally cold. I think his internal temp's at like 30 degrees). So...why the glowy pen?  
>Darcy<br>PS: Thor, I'll tell him, but let me get some mittens so I can wake him up.

It contains Vibranium and Red Quartz. Nothing to worry about unless Wakawanda finds out we have it-Clint

Thanks Pep. I knew there was a reason I pay you more than i pay me. And Steve, what do you mean "kidnapped again"? Thor was the last person to get kidnapped, remember, that thing with Amora?  
>Tony<p>

Okay, if Loki doesn't wake up in one hour we're reading the letter without him-Coulson  
>PS: Clint, Nick says you're on probation, but I get to choose the punishment. So you're cleaning Stark's workroom...to HIS satisfaction. Don't leak state secrets on walls again.<p>

Jan: You'll see at Halloween, Hank! ;)

Yes, but remember the time before that, Tony? When you got abducted by the insane mechanics engineer and the three lab assistants dressed as refugees from a comic book convention?  
>Steve<p>

Wait, if my brother did not cast the spell, than who did? -Thor

Clint: Awwww, come on!

Thor, Vibranium glows and Red Quartz filters light red. It was always glowing...now how did we not notice a glowing bush...Bruce

Ah, I see, there was no spell...unless it was one to stop us from seeing a glowing bush-Thor

Actually, did anyone even look outside. I see offices, hangar, workshop, and asking an endearing moronic robot, but no "let's look outside." Oh, and where is that letter?  
>Loki<p>

Wow, I'm gone for one day and look at what I miss!  
>Spider-Man<br>PS: No one bring up classic literature for awhile, okay? That test almost killed me.

.o.o.o.o.

Read and review! :)


	7. A Letter and a MISSION! WITH TEXTING

A/N: Huge one here-got a full mission via texting recorded and the build up- a bit over 2600 words-phew! general zargon and I had fun with this!

.o.o.o.

Chapter 7: A Letter and a MISSION! WITH TEXTING!

Jane: No, no one looked outside...but in our defense, why would the guy Clint loaned the pen to leave it outside?

I have no clue. But at least now Fury stopped yelling at me!-Clint :)

Darcy: Yep, lot of exciting things happening around here, and you're just in time to find out why a dog is wanting to give Loki a letter.

I left the letter on your nightstand, brother. The dog was against letting me have it, for some reason...What does it say?  
>Thor<p>

Guys...Loki read the letter and sort of vanished, you know, in the "flash of green light = teleportation" way. Now what?  
>Darcy<p>

Did you read the letter?-Clint

Isn't reading someone else's mail a federal offense or something? Oh, and I locked Steve and Tony in the gym. Don't let them out, Pepper's orders.  
>They're going to admit their feelings or they're stuck, that's the deal.<br>Spider-Man

It is a federal offense, dear, but it's only a misdemeanor involving violation of privacy if it's already open. Casserole's up, everyone!  
>Spider-Man's Aunt<p>

Okay then! I'm pretty sure no one's ever gotten jailtime for invading someone's privacy, or else almost everyone in the world would be in prison, including SHIELD. I'm off to read 'the letter' with Darcy.  
>Jane<br>P.S. Save me some casserole, okay?

Hmm, it is strange, but the dog who delivered the letter reminds me quite a bit of one of Malekith's hounds. Do you think he sent the message? -Thor  
>P.S. My compliments on the casserole, Spider-Man's Aunt. It was delicious.<p>

Clint: Wait, Malekith sent Loki mail? Why not just pop in and have a chat with him?

Jan: Beats me. Hey, does anyone know what the theme for the annual Halloween party is going to be? Some guys from Intel told me it was human chess, but I'm not sure if I believe them.

People are weird about the mail, Jane. I think the postal service is secretly as powerful as SHIELD.  
>Clint<p>

I think it's more important that Loki just vanished. What could Malekith possibly have?...Oh, and the letter's is Shakespearean English. Translation, anyone?  
>Darcy<p>

Okay, the gist of what I'm getting (thank you High School English teachers!)is that he has something that will let him kill someone Loki values whenever he wants unless Loki does something for him...Seeing as how Loki's pretty much head over heels for Darcy, I'm betting he threatened her.  
>Spider-Man<br>PS: Avengers Assemble?

But how does Malekith know Loki won't just kill him? And what does he need Loki so badly for anyways? And, okay, the team's all gone. Thor, I'll get a hold of your mother and tell her why we didn't show up.  
>Jane<br>PS: Loki's the only person who can teleport in here with impunity. Damn. Telling Fury. Anyone who reads this, get to the meeting room!

Yeah, I knew this one guy who rigged a laser-guided missile system to protect his mailbox when he thought someone was stealing his magazines. He was a strange man...-Hank

Why are we getting reports of packs of vicious dogs the size of small horses in various parts of the city? Someone find out what Malekith is up to!  
>Agent Coulson<br>P.S. On my way to the meeting room.

Darcy: More importantly, find out what he's planning to do with my boyfriend!

Okay, so if Loki's the only one who can teleport in here with impunity then it could be a sneak attack. Of course Loki's one of the two most powerful sorcerers on the planet and Malekith doesn't have access to Dr. Strange, so it might be that. Or he needs something only Loki has access to that isn't the tower.  
>Tony<p>

I've had some agents take Miss Lewis somewhere secure, in case anyone's wondering. Now, after the meeting I learned that the dogs appear to be coming out of randomized portals, so what's what we need to stop.  
>Fury<br>PS: Stark, don't you ever call me "Papa Bear" again.

Ah, Tony's meeting quips. Love em. And, oh, Um, here's what I wanted to say. Fury, are you out of your mind! Taking the threatened person to a "secure location" always just gets them captured! DUH!  
>I'm going to help Phil track Loki. Tell us when Darcy vanishes.<br>Clint

...Good prediction, Agent Barton. She's gone.  
>Agent Maria Hill<p>

Maybe one of Loki's abandoned evil lairs? There's bound to be some pretty magical stuff in one of them, right? -Jan

Natasha: Indeed, while Clint helps Coulson track Loki, I propose that the team split up. Some of us go to deal with the portals letting out the dogs, and the rest go try and find Darcy so that Malekith will lose his leverage.

I agree, that does seem like a logical course of action, but who will do what?  
>Steve<br>P.S. Has Loki ever mentioned anything about where some of his secret lairs ARE?

Oh. Duh. They're secret. Crap.  
>Tony<p>

*Due to the mission based subject matter, this sequence will temporarily shift to text-messaging on the communicators. Due to their sensitive nature, the following messages are to be deleted immediately after being read*

Spider-Man: Cap, Iron Man, I know where one is. Follow my GPS and delete this message. Pretend you just randomly followed me or something, or Loki will kill me (or string me up naked in front of my school, you never know...)

Steve: Hey guys, Loki has a lair in a room at the Ritz...that's just freaky. And are you really allowed to redecorate at a hotel? I found a few spell books, and I'm getting spider-Man to try and make sense of them (he hangs out around Loki the most after Darcy, so...)

Jan: Hank used a doohickey to track Loki's magical signature and where's it been and we're following it...we ended up at Spider-Man's house. Oops! Forgot he visits you! Spidey, your aunt says hi!

Natasha: Does anyone know how to get a hold of Dr. Strange? I have a feeling that we will need some serious magic to close the portals that the dogs are coming through.

Spider-Man: Tell her to stay inside! I don't want her running into any stray dogs. Also, tell her I said 'hi' back. Still no luck on the spell books though, but I'm working as fast as I can.

Dr. Banner: I think I have an idea where Malekith might be keeping Darcy, but it will take me some time to be sure. I'll keep you up-to-date on my progress.

Tony: Apparently Loki also has a secret lair a block away from Stark Industries (I did not know this). I'm searching it now, but so far all I've found is a couple of spell books and the box set of The Lord of the Rings. I'm sending the spell books over to Spidey. Be sure to check from hidden rooms or hiding places, guys!

Hank: I just ran by the Sanctum Sanctorum. Strange is in another dimension. One of his students said we should check with a guy named Brother Voodoo in the swamps by New Orleans, and that anyone scared of zombies shouldn't go.

Tony: No need, Spider-Man found the reversing-thing we have to do to the source of the spell and I can mimic it with my tech. Hank, you can track magic with the "doohickey" right? Figure out where the thing fueling the portals is and we're good.

Spider-Man: Bruce, tell me where you are now and let me catch up. We need to get to that subway stop near the theater playing Wicked (don't ask why that's where) and then we need to find Darcy down there. Fast. Steve , it's page 238 of the book on the bed. Turns out Malekith can actually kill someone without being near them...  
>PS: Anything from Clint and Coulson? If anyone can do anything, it's the badass Agent we call Coulson.<p>

Dr. Banner: How did you know Darcy was there? I only just finished double-checking it myself! I'm sending you my location now, I'm not that far away from the theater.

Steve: Damnit! I just finished reading page 238, we need to move before things get even more out of hand.

Clint: You know things are bad when *Steve* of all people start cursing. Sorry about the silence guys, but Coulson and me are currently pinned down by a pack of those dogs that keep coming through the portals. We had to take cover in a sushi bar, and thankfully the dogs are more focused on eating the fish than eating us. For now. Hurry up and close the stupid portals!

Jan: Me, Hank, and Tony are trying to find the source of the portals, and I'm pretty sure we're getting close!

Steve: Jan, I'll meet you all en route. We need to use an influx of "negative polar energy" and a localized mini wind tunnel, going by Loki's notes. And I copied the diagram, the aim needs to be exact.

Agent Coulson: Clint and I escaped the dogs and made it to the Baxter Building to borrow the Fantastic Four's teleporter. We have discerned that Loki and Malekith are both still in the Himalayas. Spider-Man, Banner, be careful. If Malekith's not personally guarding Darcy, then you know he left something nasty for you.

Spider-Man: Yep. Giant acid-spitting...things that look oddly like Furbies. Got to get Hulk to focus. Bye now!

Loki: Not much time. Malekith took the Casket. He'll kill Darcy if I don't help him. A plan would be great. Yes I know how to text message (and have a cell phone).

Hank: I see. Tony and I have an idea that we think might do the trick in closing the portals. The problem is getting the energy to follow the line of the wind tunnel...

Jan: Ignore the techo-babble. Suffice to say, the guys have an idea, and I'm basically around to provide moral support and to zap any dogs that try and have us for lunch.

Clint: Furbies? Huh, Malekith must have been scraping the bottom of the barrel when he came up with those. Phil and I are on our way to the Himalayas, and if any of you guys wanted to come and provide backup, I wouldn't complain! Really!

Thor: Natasha and I are working on a plan to distract Malekith and prevent him from utilizing the Casket. Stay safe, Brother.

Clint: Update: It's really f**king cold here. And there's a big-a** castle that I know isn't supposed to be up here.

Spider-Man: Hulk broke a pipeline, so this street's sewer company is going to hate us. On the upside, the Furbie-things seem weakened by water.  
>PS: Scratch that, now I have to save Darcy from drowning. Oops.<p>

Coulson: Have entered castle. Loki, if you can still text or call I'd love directions right now.

Hank: took out the portals. Now we just have to make sure the dogs don't hit anything when they're sucked back and an

Jan: Hank forgot to duck.

Steve: Be careful, Spider-Man! We don't want to carry out Malekith's threat for him. Is Hank alright, Jan?

Tony: He's fine, just a mild concussion because he hit his head on the way down.

Thor: Where are you? Natasha and I are in the library, and I think the throne room is up the flight of stairs outside the door.

Clint: How the h*** did you guys get into the castle without us noticing?

Hulk: Hulk use thing that make talk turn to text. Spider save girl who always around Loki. Now both asleep and we stuck in glowing box. Should Hulk smash?

Loki: No! Give the others a minute to distract Malekith, then I'll get there and deal with the glowing box, got it!

Natasha: A concussion is not "fine" Tony, even if you think it is. Clint, apparently if Thor throws his hammer and doesn't let go, it'll drag him with it. If he throws it really hard and grabs a teammate as he does...yeah. We crashed into a huge snowbank.

Coulson: I have located the elf and Loki. Loki, if you see this, keep distracting him. Avengers, converge on this point in one minute and proceed to handle the situation. Which as Clint just wished to clarify, does in fact mean "kick Malekith's a**."

Tony: Really? Hank was up and talking about the mating habits of banana slugs (ewwww!) a minute ago, so I thought he was okay. Jan is glaring at me now, so I'm going to head over to where you guys are before she stings me. Oh, and Steve's coming with me.

Clint: Ha! I'd have paid to see that!

Thor: I thought that landing in the snow bank would be less noticeable than breaking through a wall. After that, it was a simple matter of contacting one of my nephews and asking his aid in infiltrating the castle. However, now that these is no need for subtlety, Son of Coul, Natasha and I shall be in a few moments.

Steve: Tony and I are almost to the Himalayas. Tony says we'll be there in about 5 to 10 minutes. He just broke through the sound barrier.

Tony: Steve, that was the third time we broke it. Good thing you have that serum, or you'd be dead. Wow, you got one of Loki's kids to help?

Thor: Yes, Fenrir. He shrank down to come in with us. He is rather attached to Darcy by now. Loki, is he allowed to bite Malekith or should I tell him to wait outside?

Loki: He's a puppy you idiot! Keep him out of the room! I don't need him traumatized! Damn it get in here so I can go help Darcy, Spider, and Hulk!

Hulk: Glowy box glowing more. Hulk thinks we need help now if Hulk not allowed to smash...

Steve: Is that why my ears won't stop ringing? I thought it was sort of strange that Tony sounded really far away...

Natasha: Sorry about the door, but Thor got enthusiastic about finally being able to beat up Malekith. Fenrir is waiting outside, and he's prepared to bite the elf if he tries to leave that way.

Clint: H*** to the yeah! Nice shot, Thor! Bet Malekith will be feeling that for awhile!

Loki: I'm on my way, Hulk!

Thor: Loki, Malekith has been defeated. Fenrir wants to come back to the tower. Is that all right with you? Oh, and Tony, because it's his house.

Tony: Sure. I'll go find super-tough squeaky toys...wait, if he's at my house that kid better not get bigger than a German Sheppard!

Loki: Have dealt with barrier. Darcy and Spider will require rest, so we have teleported to the infirmary, and I put cartoons on for Hulk. Stark, do not insult my son's intelligence. He's probably brighter than you are. Fenrir, abide by Stark's rule: be no larger than a German who herds sheep.

Jan: Heading back with Hank. Loki, doesn't Fenrir you know, eat energy? He's better not eat my IPod...and you sooooooo know that's not what Tony meant. ;P

Loki: Yes, but it's fun to see what interesting colors Stark turns when he's angry. ;) And Fenrir says that he already ate, so none of the electronics in Stark's house will be harmed during his visit.

Tony: Hey! I'm taking Steve to the infirmary, since he said the ringing in his ears still hasn't gone away.

Spider-Man: Hey you guys, I'm awake and semi-coherent, so I wanted to take the time to ask if anyone checked in on my aunt?

Agent Coulson: Debriefing as soon as everyone is recovered.

Clint: Geez, talk about a buzzkill. Who's up for getting completely wasted? I know a good bar that should still be intact!

*end of mission texts*

.o.o.o.

A/N: review please!


	8. Puppies, PostIts and Snack Thieves!

general zargon and I have once again had a field day. This has a minor cliffhanger (not one i think you'll kill us for, though).

We don't own these characters.

Oh, and Dr. Banner doesn't post much because reading the bathroom messages often stresses him out and we all know what happens then!

.o.o.o.

Chapter Eight: Puppies, Post-Its and Snack Thieves!

*written on post-it note left in infirmary* Spider-Man, i called your aunt. She said she's coming over to make lasagna since we've "all had such a long day."-Hank

*added to note* Spidey, I officially love your Aunt. Loki, don't make me decide to not let you freeload-Tony

*also added* You're not kicking him out and I have a giant wolf cuddling me who agrees-Darcy

*final bit on note* My aunt says dinner's up! Sweet!-Spider-Man

*Written on a post-it note left in the infirmary* What did I miss? And can someone please bring me a plate of lasagna?-Steve

*Added to note* Ears still shot? And I can kick on anyone I want!...Except Thor's brother, because I'm rather fond of my life, and scared of the giant wolf growling at me.-Tony

*Also added* Sure, Steve. And Tony, I think the answer is yes, considering that Steve is blinking a lot more than usual and he keeps rubbing his ears.

*Final bit on note* Ha! Thanks for the lasagna, Spider-Man's aunt. Can I have some more? Fenrir ate half of mine before I could stop him.-Darcy

*finally back in the bathroom*

Loki: Should I be worried that my son seems to like Darcy better than he likes me?

No, Loki, he's just getting to know his father's significant other. Dinner is rescheduled for two days from now. Have fun kids!  
>Frigga<br>PS: Is this Malekith still alive. I have something to...say...to him. If you get my drift.

Ma'am, I can get you and whatever weapons you want access to his cell for one hour.-Coulson

Phil's mad-his fav coffee shop got wrecked.

Thor: A better question, brother, would be should you be worried that Fenrir has started bringing Darcy - ah 'gifts', shall we say?  
>P.S. Hello, mother. Apologies for not making the last dinner.<p>

Steve: My hearing has finally returned, but if Tony keeps playing that obnoxious music, I shall not be held responsible for my actions.

Huh, so that's why that one pack of Malekith's dogs looked caffeinated? -Jan

Yes, unfortunately. But the good news is that my aunt is okay, and it's hamburger night!  
>Spider-Man<p>

Loki: I got rid of the rats Fenrir brought in. He's an odd child sometimes. Darcy's reading him a bedtime story, so he should be out until morning. Noon if we're lucky.

Stark, turn off the damn music right now-Coulson.

...Steve got him to turn it off. I'm just going to go home and hide in my room and act like I didn't see two of my favorite heroes making out...  
>Spider-Man<p>

Damn it, the kid got traumatized AGAIN? Loki, Spider-Man's aunt, SOMEBODY drag him to therapy already!  
>Clint<p>

Darcy: Okay, Fenrir's sleeping, and apparently dreaming of chasing rabbits. :) He's such a cute puppy!

Natasha: In my experience, super heroes and therapy never mix well. Remember the time Fury made Loki go see a therapist?

Hey, do any of you guys know what Thor is up to? He grabbed some books, a stack of DVDs, and a very large case of Dr. Pepper, then left. If any of you see him, can you tell him that he has to bring the books back before next week?  
>Jane<p>

I heard Thor saying he was going to see Spidey about something. I don't know what. And Clint, if we went to therapy every time something traumatic happened, over half the therapists in the world would need help. -Dr. Banner  
>P.S. Who ate the last Oreo?<p>

...Spider-Man, stop making me want to email your ID to everyone.  
>Tony<p>

Clint: I'm not saying we need to go all the time; I'm saying the kid already had a massive guilt complex that he channels into his hero work. Remember that time where he didn't wait for everyone to meet up to stop that prison riot and Cap had to drag him out and he was almost dead but said it was okay because every second a super-villain was beating him to death him they weren't hurting any guards or possible hostages. Kid's a little messed up upstairs.

Loki: As much as it pains me to agree (as he is the only Avenger I can stand all the time), Spider does have some...worrying tendencies. On the other hand, he's sitting on the couch in the den all upset because Thor took his panic over Steve and Tony kissing (took you long enough) as anti-homosexual (and it was not) and is trying to preach tolerance to him. And he does have the guilt complex for a reason, I assure you.  
>PS: As, I remember that therapist. He still thinks he's on the Death Star, right?<p>

Spider-Man: I do NOT have a guilt complex...and Thor, I'm not anti-gays, okay? I was just surprised. It's similar to being a preteen and walking in on your parents having sex...which believe me, it looked like Tony was going for.

Jane: Thor is only trying to help, even if he completely misunderstood the situation. I think he gets it now though, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing...  
>P.S. I don't think anyone's going to own up to eating the last Oreo, Bruce.<p>

No, he now thinks that he's a hobbit trapped in a Jurassic Park movie. I'm not entirely sure which is worse for the poor man. -Agent Coulson

I'm pretty sure it's a good thing, Jane. I just saw Thor and Spidey watching Jurassic Park in the rec room, and Thor was saying something about how he'd 'fought bigger'.  
>Hank<p>

Excuse me, but what was that about my nephew during a prison break? And Loki, exactly what are these "worrying tendencies" you're talking about? Spider-Man, you have some explaining to do.  
>Spider-Man's Aunt<p>

Wow. That sounded totally badass, Spidey's Aunt!  
>Now my Chips Ahoy are missing. What the hell?<br>Jan

Truly Jurassic Park is a cinematic masterpiece. Tell me, are the sequels of which Spider-Man spoke worth watching as well?  
>Thor<br>PS: I know the cookie-eater could not have been my nephew. Canines are allergic to chocolate, which both snacks contained.

Miss Spider-Man's Aunt, are you interested in forming a "concerned parents of super-heroes group" with me? I think we need to figure out how to handle our son's/nephew's career path and their possible requirements for therapy.  
>Frigga<br>PS: Loki, Fenrir can come to the dinner too if he doesn't attack the turkey again.

Why'd you have to let that slip, Loki? I thought we were pals!  
>Spider-Man<br>P.S. The sequels weren't really that great, except for this one scene in one of them (can't remember which sequel) where they have to escape both drowning and the Spinosaurus trying to eat them. :)

Clint: Okay, who ate the last of the Rolos? I'm sure there was a full bag in the cabinet this morning!

Thank you, Miss Frigga. I'm sure Fenrir appreciates the thought. :) Oh hey, Loki, does Fenrir shed? -Darcy

Tony: This is getting out of hand. I put a small tub of chocolate ice cream in the freezer, left for an hour, and when I came back someone had eaten it all! I'm going to get to the bottom of this!

...Spider, I apologize. I honestly (insert joke about being God of Lies here, I know someone's going to do it) forgot she read these now.  
>Yes, Darcy. He's a wolf. I bought a few lint brushes.<br>Whoever ate my cheese balls shall die. That is all.  
>Loki<p>

Okay, so we've got Bruce's Oreos, Jan's Chips Ahoy, Clint's Rolos, and Loki's Cheese Balls. Stark, are you having a party we're unaware of?-Coulson

No. Except for my parties with you guys I don't even have parties that serve that stuff (stupid socialites...think they're too good for Doritos...). And Loki, I'll download you a Wal-Mart coupon for one of those 4-gallon things of Cheese Balls if you don't kill anyone.  
>Tony<p>

Who the heck would want our snacks of all things! Now my baked Lays are gone...  
>Hank<p>

Natasha: Okay, who ate the Mini-Reese's I had stashed in the back of the refrigerator? Speak now and maybe I'll let you keep at least one of your limbs.

Spider-Man: Dang it! You beat me to the pun, Loki! I had a really good one lined up, too...:(

They make jumbo-sized lint brushes? -Darcy

It's because even though they're going to get drunk off their a****, they like to start out the night refined, even though chances are someone is going to end up sleeping with an ex and waking up in a public restroom and missing some important article of clothing.  
>Pepper<br>P.S. This is getting out of hand. I just looked in the refrigerator and all the pudding cups have disappeared!

Spider, I'm sorry. Or I would be sorry if every time I'm on patrol with you and say "honestly" or "truthfully" as a precursor to anything you start laughing. Loudly. It's the second most annoying thing you do.  
>Loki<p>

...What's the first?  
>Tony<br>PS: Pep, are you trying to tell me something?

I know what the first is. It's when his Spider-sense goes off and he makes some comment about "my Spider-sense is going crazy, but there's no danger" and within five seconds he's blindsided. Spider-Man, if that sense goes off, at least get ready for someone to attack instead of thinking nothing's wrong, okay?  
>Steve<br>PS: Tony, we need to have a talk...

Ooh, Tony's in the doghouse...Wait. My pudding cups? You guys know that's one of the ways we calm Hulk down after a mission, right? Because he likes tapioca?  
>Jan<p>

Spider-Man: But that's my hook! What else am I supposed do when that happens, because being ready for it is just boring. :(

Yes, Darcy, they make jumbo-sized lint brushes, and even if they didn't, a simple spell would take care of that problem. Where is Fenrir, anyway? He wasn't in our room, or the rec room.  
>Loki<p>

Not at all Mr. Stark. The important thing is that you're better now, and Agent Coulson requests that you set up some surveillance equipment in the kitchen so we can find out who is stealing all the snacks. -Pepper  
>P.S. Someone go get more tapioca pudding cups!<p>

Darcy: Oh, Fenrir's with me. I'm taking him for a walk and laughing when people around us start wondering what type of dog he is. You want us to pick up anything besides pudding cups while we're out?

...Spider-Man, this better not be like you not-studying for tests until the last minute, because ignoring what to me sounds like effectively a mental fire drill could get you killed, dear.  
>Spider-Man's Aunt<br>PS: Queen Frigga, I think I will have to take you up on that therapy group. Maybe we should contact the parents of the younger X-Men too...

Thanks for the text, Darcy. Just have him back by four, he needs to be brushed before we go to dinner in Asgard (Odin hates it when he sheds on the floors).-Loki

Spider-Man, you should at least be prepared for something to happen. I don't care if it's boring, if I find out you not listening to your personal danger radar is the cause of any specific injury, I will instruct SHIELD not to pay the medical bills. And I'll make sure if Stark tries it won't work. Fixing injuries does in fact cost money  
>Coulson<p>

Yeah, play to his guilt complex, Phil ;)  
>...Steve and Tony are making out again. Can we please make them do it in their own rooms?<br>Natasha  
>PS: Pepper, I will help you organize your files for a month if you make it so I never have to walk in on that again.<p>

Spider-Man: Way to gang up on a guy...Sorry, Auntie, I'll try not to do it again.

It's being taken care of, Natasha. What's the situation with the snacks? -Pepper

Darcy: No problem. I'll pick up some scented shampoo for him. Which scent do you like better, cinnamon or lavender?

The snack situation is getting dire. Bruce went and hid in his meditation room, just in case.  
>Clint<p>

Spider, we just prefer you when you alive as opposed to dead. That's all.  
>Someone text Darcy back and say "whichever". Stark accidentally knocked my phone in the sink when he was...speaking...with Rogers.<br>Loki

Well if you hadn't been invisible that wouldn't have happened! For all we know, you're the thief!  
>Tony<p>

I think I'll wait to bring cookies over until this snack thief matter is resolved. Spider-man, I forgive you. Also, thank you for cleaning your room without my having to ask.  
>Spider-Man's Aunt (who appreciates being called Badass)<p>

Nice to see you again, Spider-Aunt. Guys, Loki was tying to catch the snack thief. That was my plan B...a Plan C would be appreciated—Pepper

Jan: Thor has a plan, and I actually think it's going to work! Nobody go into the kitchen for at least three hours, we're doing a field test.

Tony, Pepper wished for me to let you know that if you wish to 'talk' with me again, it will be in either of our rooms. Your assistant scares me. -Steve

Darcy: Okay, I think I got everything on the impromptu shopping list, including the stuff Thor asked me to get at the last minute. I have to say, this plan is pretty good, and Fenrir agrees with me!

Um, what IS Thor's plan?  
>Hank<p>

.o.o.o.

Read and review! We love reviews!


	9. Babysitting, Ribs, DOOM! and Twister

A/N: Again, I did this with general zargon. For one week though, we managed a lot-3600 words. We were haveing too much fun.

We don't own these people. And we're basing Aunt May after that bit in the comics where she took out the Chameleon with cookies and knitting. It happened-check Spider-Man TvTropes page under Crowning Moment of Awesome

.o.o.o.

Ant-Man, be glad you don't know.  
>Thor, given your time limit we will have half an hour after the plan works or fails to get ready and get to Asgard (I'll take us straight there, the nearest Bifrost site is too far).-Loki<p>

Pepper! I said you only scare away the vapid socialites and the assholes not the *something scribbled out* not Steve.  
>Tony<br>PS: Let's hope Thor's plan work. I want cookies!

...said the Billionaire. Really Stark?  
>Clint<p>

And what did he call Steve that he scribbled out? Loki, Hank, Bruce, somebody-do you have a way to find out?  
>Natasha<p>

I think it was something along the lines of 'the love of my life' :)

I agree.  
>Natasha<p>

Jane: Thor's plan worked! As it turns out, the snack thief was actually snack thieves. Someone from the supply department started it, and then teamed up with another of Loki's kids who came to visit without telling anyone...I think he said his name was Vali or something.

Really? Huh, it's a family reunion! I just finished giving Fenrir a bath, and he looks like he's thinking of going to find the nearest mud puddle, so I know I did a good job.  
>Darcy<br>P.S. We have to hurry and get ready for the family dinner!

Well, if I don't find Vali in ten minutes he's getting left behind. If anyone finds him, please keep him (3'5" brown hair, blue eyes, attracted to the smell of fresh baked goods like any child) stationary and entertained, I'll pay you for babysitting when I get back.  
>Loki<p>

All right, I'm just here to say Jane, Darcy, Loki, Fenrir, and I are leaving now. To whoever finds Vali-good luck with that.  
>Thor<p>

Have located the child. He's currently placated with cartoons and the cookies Spider-Man's Aunt sent over as bait. Suggestions from someone who understands children?-Coulson

...Don't give him lead paint?—Tony

I kinda think that's a given, Tony. Distract him with cartoons and movies?  
>Jan<p>

I vote sedation.

Clint: Whoa, have some unresolved issues with kids, Bruce?

Natasha: I hid the snacks Darcy got in the back-up places until Vali leaves, and the employee who started the snack thefts has been punished.

No, just unresolved Loki issues, and so far this kid makes me think of a mini-him. Tell me if the idea of a mini-Loki doesn't scare you.  
>Dr. Banner<p>

I got some Disney movies off a video site (yes a legal one Phil), so let's just get the kid to chill until his dad and Darcy get back to deal with him.  
>Clint<p>

I have seen you mortals' messages. I cannot believe my father and uncle consort with you weaker beings. Also, I do not have to listen to Darcy Lewis. She is not my mother, so there.  
>Vali Lokisson<p>

Vali's on house arrest. I used me authority as Loki's best friend (turns out I am...which is kind of weird) to shut him up. In other news, Scorpion broke a few of my ribs and breathing hurts. Suggestions for how to fight crime with that?  
>Spider-Man<p>

Clint: Careful, kid, or Loki's son or not, you're going to get your butt whipped. You'll get the fear of Darcy put into you soon enough, I bet.

Spider-Man, I would recommend sneaking into the lairs of the main villains and setting up something that will occupy their time until you heal, but I guess that might not be possible.

I could see about getting some SHIELD squads to help pick up the slack in your city, Spider-Man, if you think it will take you a long time to heal?  
>Agent Coulson<p>

Hank: Or you could just wait until Loki gets back and then ask him for a quick healing spell. Whichever option you think is best.

I think he means he actually wants tips on how to run around with broken ribs...Spider-Man, you are benched until /I/ am satisfied that those ribs are fixed. Anyone else-you see him out there, you drag him back here.  
>And we're having a chat about this, young man.<br>Spider-Aunt

...Um, I'll just ask Loki for a healing spell then...  
>Spider-Man<p>

Why would my dad waste his magic on /you/? I think you're lying about being his best friend. And I should know, my dad's the God of Lies.  
>Vali Lokiss*trialing mark*<p>

All fear the almighty Spider-Aunt. She just got Vali to sit down and shut up. Phil, you need to pay this lady-I don't care if we don't know her real name! She deserves a pay grade for this!  
>Clint<p>

Agent Coulson: My thoughts exactly, Clint. I'm working on that now.

Spider-Aunt, you have my utmost respect. How do you do it? -Natasha

Quick, someone get a video camera! Loki is never going to believe this story without some type of proof.  
>Tony<p>

Wait, did Spider-Aunt just give Vali a time-out? Bow to almighty Spider-Aunt! –Jan

Spider-Aunt (I like this name-I'm keeping it): Well, Spider-Man wasn't too bad as a kid, but a lot of his friends could get quite rowdy. You learn these things. I still remember that time one of his friends tried to bungee jump off the roof.

Spider-Man: Right, right. You scared the hell out of him and his mom wanted to know how you made him stay in the corner (we were like 8 or so).

I knew there was a reason Spidey was always /so/ well behaved! ;)  
>Clint<p>

Clint, don't embarrass the guy. Spider-Aunt, I placed the cake order for his birthday party. It's next Saturday at 10 pm people-and we need heroes on a rotating schedule of "at the party" and "on patrol." Coulson says he will show up for a few minutes if there's good coffee.  
>Pepper<p>

Hank: Really? What did they use to make the cord?

Since I'm basically the emergency reserve, does that mean chances are good I'll be able to stay for the entire party?

Hank! Why do you even want to know that? -Jan

A party? Can I come? I promise to be on my best behavior! Honest! *Insert picture of a smiley face with a halo here*  
>Vali Lokisson<p>

Tony: What happened to that whole 'son of the God of Lies' thing you were telling us about?

The cord was literally a long bungee cord (the type you'd strap things to a car roof with). It's Spider-Man's birthday, Vali, ask him and your father if they think it's okay.  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

Tony he's a kid. He's probably forgotten all about saying it-Steve.

Steve, how could he forget, it's like seven inches up on the wall. It's seriously right there!  
>Clint<p>

Bruce, everyone's coming for at least five minutes to say "happy birthday." Other than that you're good.  
>Pepper<p>

Guys, seriously, you don't have to make a fuss...  
>Spider-Man<p>

Natasha: Sorry Spidey, but as the youngest member of the Avengers, it is our sacred duty to make a fuss over your birthday. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go challenge Agent Hill to a game of rock-paper-scissors to make her swap swifts with me.

Well what do you know, Clint's right! There it is! -Jan  
>P.S. Has anyone seen the scotch tape?<p>

That's good. I'd hate to miss out on Spider-Man's face when he opens the present from Tony. I think the scotch tape is in the second drawer down from the sink in the kitchen, Jan.

Spider-Man, is it okay if I come to your birthday party? I'll ask Father when he returns from Asgard.  
>Vali Lokisson<p>

Sure, kid you can come. You don't need a present or anything, I got the one form your dad like 2 weeks ago (and then we had to get it away from Tony...). But sure, come.  
>...Tony, Bruce is trying to make me not want to open your present...<br>Spider-Man

Okay, on the present situation-who here knows who he is? They don't have to tell us, but a hint of something the kid would like in his civilian life would be nice.  
>Jan<p>

I think Loki wrote (before we had to paint over a bunch of stuff so we could write more) something about science-stuff and Star Wars. The only people I know who know are Tony, Spider-Aunt, and Loki. Maybe Steve.  
>Agent Coulson<p>

Nope, not me. I-shit, guys, my com just went off. Trouble. Spider-Aunt, could you stay here with Vali, we need to take everyone we can. It's an army of Doombots.  
>Steve<p>

I know what I'm getting him, but I'm not entirely sure if Spider will actually use it or not. And Spider, I'm just saying, you probably won't expect Tony's present to be what it is.

P.S. AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! (I always wanted to be the one to say that)

Tony: Ooookay...You heard the man, let's go take care of those Doombots and then get back here for dinner.

Providing nothing happens in the battle, I'm thinking barbeque for dinner. Any requests? -Hank

Of course, you all go do what you have to do, and there will be cookies waiting when you get back.  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

Hello, it's me again. An odd man in metal armor showed up declared himself the relief babysitter for Vali. As Vali did not know him, I let Agent Coulson subdue the man after I hit him over the head with a floor lamp. He won't stop yelling about "Doom."  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

Have taken Vali's suggestion and tied Dr. Doom up in front of a TV playing a loop of "My Friends Tigger and Pooh." Trying hard not to enjoy the screams. Loki, when you read this, your kid has a future in the T&I field.  
>Coulson<p>

We're back. Can I attach a web to Doom and "let him" "bungee jump" off the roof? Of the Empire state Building?  
>Spider-Man<br>PS: Auntie, you rule!

...So while I was gone Doom distracted the Avengers with an emergency and tried to kidnap my son (Spider-Aunt, I think you're Vali's first stayed-sane babysitter, congratulations by the way)...and taking into account Doom's obsession with me...well, that does it. The man is going to suffer horribly. Anyone not fond of hearing screaming, please vacate the premises at once.  
>Loki<br>PS: Vali, go with Darcy and your brother and _listen_ to them if they tell you something.

Clint: Spider-Aunt, let it never be said that you are not completely bad***. I'd ask you to marry me if I didn't think Spidey would team up with Loki to kill me.

Yeah, Spidey would probably do that, so it's best that you keep the declarations of love to yourself, Clint. -Natasha

Hey guys, just so you know, Fenrir and I are taking Vali to the park for awhile, and then maybe to a movie. How long do you think it will take Loki to get finished with Doom?  
>Darcy<p>

Hank: I predict anywhere from two to five hours, maybe less if Doom decides to have a rare moment of sanity.  
>P.S. Which movie?<p>

Loki fixed my ribs during a break from kicking Doom's butt. All fine now.  
>Spidey<br>PS: Maybe not kill...just torture a bit. And geeks like me KNOW torture, Barton.

Wait-your ribs! You went out to fight Doombots with broken ribs you idiot!  
>Steve<p>

Spider-Man, a word.  
>Spider-Aunt<br>PS: I think Darcy said they were going to see The Lion King in 3D...I just started wondering how they'll get Fenrir into the theater?

Tony: Probably pretend he's Vali's seeing eye dog or something, since he can change size.

Ooooo, sounds like Spidey's in trouble! :P -Jan

Clint: Yep, I think Steve and Spider-Aunt are double-teaming the poor guy.

Hank: I have to side with Steve and Spider-Aunt on this one. Fighting Doombots with broken ribs really was a stupid idea.

A good guess, Tony. Sometimes simple is best. I'll be sure to ask Darcy if that's how she got Fenrir into the theater when they get back. Now if you'll excuse me, I think Doom's had enough of a break.  
>Loki<br>P.S. What's for dinner?

Pasta, Loki. Now, seeing as how grounding my nephew from superhero-ing probably won't work, he is only to go out WITH someone for a week (aka until his birthday). Judging by usual interactions, I'd assume that would be Loki or Janet. Mind helping me with this?  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

...So that's why Spidey's sulking in the gym. I'll go try to cheer him up, maybe let him help around my lab a bit. He usually likes that.  
>Hank<p>

My lab's cooler! Let me do it!  
>Tony<p>

Clint: Tony, don't be a troll. Besides, Hank's lab is a SCIENCE lab, your lab is a MECHANICS lab. Spidey likes science, remember?

I love how you all talk about me like I can't walk in and read these later.  
>Spider-Man<p>

Tony: We know you do, and that's why we do it, Spidey. ;) And I'll troll if I want to!

No you won't. -Pepper

Tony: Okay, I won't.

How do you do that, Pepper? Just make him agree without a fight? I'm…kind of with him…and I can't do that!  
>Steve<p>

I've wondering about that too, but for now, I'm off to help Hank in his lab. For the record, I like science better than mechanics. :) -Spider-Man

YOU LITTLE *trailing mark*

I got Steve to drag Tony away. Thanks for killing my boss' ego, Spider-Man-Pepper

Doom had been sent back to Latveria in one (badly damaged) piece. Excellent work bothering Iron Man for me, Ant-Man, Spider.  
>Going to go pick up Darcy and the boys from the movies. Bye.<br>Loki

Wow, Loki just sounded weirdly domestic there.  
>Dr. Banner<p>

My brother loves his children and Miss Lewis very much.  
>On another note, Jane has suggested a game of Twister for after dinner. Spider-Aunt has informed me she ordered Chinese take-out (I get the pot stickers)<br>Thor

Your welcome. :) And on another note, the experiment Hank and I were messing around with just turned bright pink. We have no idea why.  
>Spider-Man<br>P.S. Yay! I call dibs on the sweet 'n sour chicken!

I told you not to call me- oh, never mind. Jan, what do you say we team up and kick everyone's butts at Twister? -Hank

Jan: I'd love to, Hank! Everyone playing, you are going down!

Natasha: That's what you think. Spider-Aunt, would you be so kind as to hold the spinner? I have the guys in the supply department searching for an extra-large Twister mat.

Quick rules: Loki-No shape-shifting to reach a square. Spider-Man, webbing a square doesn't count. Hank, Jan, no size-changing. Everyone else, no use of powers that might constitute cheating (excluding Natasha's abnormal flexibility which is /technically/ not a superpower. Sorry people).  
>Pepper.<p>

This is Vali. If anyone needs Fenrir or me, we're in the kitchen. Dr. Banner's teaching us a game called Mousetrap that looks interesting.

Coulson-A quick reminder from me too: Twister is in fact NOT a drinking game.

Someone tell Tony that.  
>Steve<p>

Awwww, man! Oh well, on to the game!  
>Spider-Man<p>

Jane: I could never get the Mousetrap to work right, so I wish you guys luck!

I told Tony that it wasn't a drinking game, but he just said "It can be." and then started muttering to himself. I'm a little concerned...-Clint

Pepper: I'll take care of it, Clint. I've decided not to play, so I'll hold the spinner, if that's okay with everybody?

Miss Potts can have the spinner. I'm taking pictures.  
>Lots of pictures.<br>Spider-Aunt

So...Spidey's going to STILL have that mask on? With jeans a T-shirt? Can't you trust us? You trusted Tony and (for some reason) Loki!  
>Clint<p>

He didn't trust me, I kind of ran into him and found out at the same time as one of his villains. And Stark just hacks until he finds these things out.  
>Loki<br>PS: I plan on winning. Banner, thank you for distracting my sons.

Respect the secret ID, people.  
>Spider-Man<p>

You're welcome.

I can't believe this! One of you guys cheated! There is no way that I just HAD to sneeze right when I reached for that red circle!  
>Clint<p>

Jane: At least you didn't wind up with your head right next to a private part of Steve's body while moving to right foot blue...and then fell down because Thor's breath tickled the back of your knee.

Well, it certainly seems like the game is heating up! -Pepper  
>P.S. Take lots of pictures, Spider-Aunt. I want copies!<p>

The kid is totally making faces at me! I can see it through the mask! Spider-Aunt, Loki, one of you make him quit!  
>Tony<p>

...Why did you leave that instruction here? All right, it's hot in the room and people are drinking a lot of water, but seriously, in here?  
>And why do people think I can make Spider-Man do anything. Believe me *insert God of Lies joke here*, it's usually the other way around...<br>Loki

So...what you're saying is if Darcy's not around to make you stop doing something stupid we need to kidnap the kid? Wait, no, his secret ID, we can't find him in civvies...wait, Tony could!  
>Jan<p>

I am not kidapping SpiderMan from highshool just because Loki is pranking someone in more annoying mannerthan usal (unless it'sme).  
>Tony<p>

And now we know how much Tony's drinking. Thank god I found non-alcoholic beer and swapped it with his stuff, huh?  
>Steve<p>

Good work, Steve. We might possibly be able to get through the night without Tony falling face-first into a bowl of soup or somehow losing his pants. Or both. Does anyone know why he's drinking so much? -Pepper

I think it's because his hand slipped on that green square and he face-planted in the final stretch of the game. On that note, does anyone know who won? Natasha and Loki were the last ones left, but they both fell down at almost exactly the same time.  
>Darcy<p>

Spider-Man: I think Natasha won, but we'll have to ask my aunt. She was taking pictures when it happened. And don't even think about kidnapping me! I still have Tony's mega-powered taser!

Has that thing even been tested? And I mean lab-tested, not field tested.  
>Hank<p>

Why does it matter, Pym? The light-saber-whip I made him is better anyways (AND more compact stark so there!). Well, i suppose it's more conspicuous. But Spider and I did lab test it (and then he took the readings to Dr. Strange because he wanted to make sure i was interpreting the magic half of the data right...)  
>Loki<br>PS: Sadly, Black Widow won. I may be 6' tall, but no one is built to have themselves in that position.

AKA His left foot and right hand ended up right next to each other with his right foot really far away. The left hand had no chance-but on the upside his shirt slid back! Great view! :D  
>Darcy<p>

Loki was correct in his assumptions-he hit the mat two pictures before Natasha. Now, Mrs. Potts, I understand you want to screen these?  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

Yep, just in case. Tony looks super out of it in some and that's bad PR—Pepper

I was just wondering! Geez, talk about defensive.  
>Hank<p>

Jan: Hmmm, is there any chance I can get a copy of that one picture where Hank is reaching for that red circle, Spider-Aunt? While Loki's abs may be great, I prefer to ogle Hank's.

Hey, Pepper, is it true that some of those pictures are going to be made public? Or is that just the ones of Tony? If they are, I want to pick which ones, because I think about half of those missed my good side. -Clint

Wait, you have a good side, Clint? Quick, hide the picture of him sneezing and slipping! I bet the papers would love that one! *Insert evil grin here*  
>Spider-Man<p>

I apologize if I can off as upset, Pym. I was simply refuting your point. Now please ask your girlfriend to desist in stinging me.  
>Loki<p>

Spidey, you're hanging out with Loki too much-Steve

GIVE ME THAT PICTURE!  
>Clint<br>PS: Phil says there's a meeting tomorrow at six

My nephew and I are going home now. I believe Hawkeye has frightened him a bit with "stray" arrows. Loki, feel free to defend my nephew while he and I not here as witnesses.  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

.o.o.o

Read and Review!


	10. Meetings, Bullseye, and Prank Formulas!

Sorry it's been so long. Life and all and time between update. but here's almost 3000 words of messaging for you form me and general zargon!

We don't own these guys. :(

.o.o.o.

Chapter 10-Meetings, Bullseye, and Loki's Prank Formula!

.o.o.o.

Apology accepted. Jan, you can stop stinging Loki, and by the way, you left your purse in my room. Want me to bring it to you?  
>Hank<p>

Jan: Nope, I'm coming over to get it right now! ;)

Riiiight, I think that's enough innuendo for one night. Clint, is the meeting at 6 am or 6 pm? -Natasha

Thor: Fenrir and Vali have left, though they said to thank everyone for the good time, and Fenrir said that he wishes to challenge Bruce to a rematch sometime. Apparently Fenrir lost rather badly at Mousetrap.

How do you lose badly at mousetrap?  
>Clint<p>

Bruce: By losing several times. I forgot people with thumbs had an advantage. That was a mistake on my part.

The meeting is at 6 am people.  
>Coulson<p>

So...Tony going to have like a gallon of coffee, Spider-Man's going to be twitching because he goes to high school so he won't have much time, Loki will be annoying sleepy people, and I have to find a way to wake up at an ungodly hour? Got it.  
>Natasha<p>

Okay, first of all, I want to say that I have no freakin' IDEA how that glue got on Fury's chair. I swear, I had nothing to do with either that or the skateboard!  
>Clint<p>

You know, Pep, that entire debacle just reinforces my point that early morning meetings are to be avoided at all costs. -Tony

Pepper: For once, Tony, I agree with you. *Sigh* Okay, who all is still covered in glitter?

The above has been seconded by Hank Pym, Natasha Romanoff, Darcy Lewis, and Loki

Jan: Don't worry Hank, I'll help you clean the glitter off. ;)

Sadly Spider was also glitter-covered, and some got through his mask. So..he ended up going to school with pink glitter in his hair.  
>On my end, the glitter was actually NOT ME (the glue was, though). Whoever thinks they are going to out-prank the God of Mischief has another thing coming!<br>Loki

He's just mad about the glitter in his perfect hair. Jan, I like your idea for de-glitter-ing boyfriends-totally going to use it.  
>Darcy<p>

Well, there's two Avengers, one sort of Avenger, and an intern we won't see for a few hours. I'm going to go investigate the rocker-powered skateboard (seriously, whoever did it used all the wrong propulsion chemicals and should be ashamed).  
>Tony<p>

Pepper: Agent Coulson, as the effective "den mother" of the Avengers, I must insist all meetings take place at lunchtime on the weekends and four o'clock during the week (to avoid Spidey's school time). Spider-Aunt, Happy, and the whole present team agree with me. I have also sent this to Fury as a memo.

I'm never going to live that down. I think I'm just going to drop out and become a full-time superhero. That would be less painful than the mocking to come about the pink glitter in my hair. Is SHIELD hiring?  
>Spider-Man<p>

Jane: I think I speak for everyone, especially Spider-Aunt, when I say that if you drop out of school, we will drag you back kicking and screaming. Just so you're warned, Spidey.

Point taken, Pepper, and in light of this recent fiasco, I feel I must agree. I'll force through the paperwork and ensure that Fury reads that memo. -Agent Coulson

Natasha: Tony, don't you dare try and improve the skateboard. I think it worked well enough as it is.

Err...has anyone seen Barton recently? I was looking for him (weekly personal prank, I didn't want to break my streak) and I cannot find him. At all. Ask Thor and Spider-Man, I can find ANYONE when I want to.  
>Spider, I agree with Miss Foster. And since I know your ID, I could actually DO that.<br>Loki

Last thing he did was mention the skateboard...do you think someone kidnapped him because he realized something?  
>Pepper<br>PS: Tony, you may investigate (not improve, INVESTIGATE) the skateboard.

Pep, the skateboard blew up when I went near it. I would like add that no I did not make it blow up before anyone says I did.  
>Tony<p>

Coulson: We clearly have a saboteur here. Meeting in the den before dinner. Yes Stark, I know you consider two a day to be cruel and unusual punishment, but we're doing it.

Thor: It is true. No one was ever able to beat Loki at hide-and-seek.

Okay, okay! I won't quit school, but I get dibs on the chocolate ice cream to help ease the emotional pain from the taunts.  
>Spider-Man<p>

Do you think Clint disappeared because he knew Loki was going to play a prank on him? -Darcy

...Is Malekith back? He could be taking a different approach to attacking us. Just thought I'd toss the possibility out there.  
>Dr. Banner<br>P.S. Okay, who painted my meditation room bright pink with puke green polka dots?

Ah, well, you see...I may have banished Malekith to another dimension (Dr. Strange helped a bit-it was a dimension I was unfamiliar with), so I doubt it was him.  
>Loki<br>PS: Fine Spider, but don't hog the sprinkles or sugar cones.

Coluson: People-focus: Clint has officially been gone for six hours with no word. He would have at least called me and left a contact method in case the team had to go fight. We have five super-geniuses here and the rest of you are plenty bright (for this kind of thing at the very least), so brainstorm!

Five? Wow, that's half the team, right? So that's Tony, Loki, Hank, Bruce and...I'll assume Spider-Man since he's plenty smart when he's not wise-cracking at something that can eat/step on/kill/maim/etc him.  
>Steve<br>PS: Loki, just because Clint is missing does not mean you have to prank three other people instead.

Tony-And how does 1 Clint prank = 3 Other pranks? Is there a system or something? I mean, you can get oddly OCD (for a God of Mischief) about some things, so there might be.  
>Oh, yeah, I hacked the tracker Fury put in Clint's collapse-able bow. It's still here. And he usually doesn't leave anywhere without it.<p>

I think we're kind of getting off topic here, but now I'm wondering about the prank system too...  
>Thanks for including me in the roster of super-geniuses! :)<br>Spider-Man

Hank: I shrunk down and searched Clint's room (it was locked for some reason), and barring the usual mess of casually tossed shirts and candy wrappers hidden under the bed, there wasn't any sign of a struggle.

Congratulations, Loki, you've officially confused the rest of the team without even really doing anything. -Natasha  
>P.S. Are the arrows that go with the bow still here?<p>

Jane: I asked the guards who were on duty when Clint disappeared, and they never saw him leave. Do we have any enemies with teleportation abilities? Excluding those who were tossed in alternate dimensions of course.

Well let's see, there The Enchantress, Kang could teleport himself with future tech, Mandarin, I think Baron Mordo but if strange is on Earth then he doesn't bother us...  
>Also, we shouldn't rule out super-stealth abilities.<br>Tony

You're welcome. Spider, I'll explain my system if you swear yourself to secrecy.  
>Loki<br>PS: Upon my own search of Barton's appallingly messy quarters, I discovered several peanuts on the dresser, which is odd. He's not allergic, but I do remember him saying once he doesn't eat just plain peanuts.

Shit. How many of you have heard of Bullseye?  
>For those who haven't-he's a master killer who killed his last jailers using peanut shells as weapons (he is literally that good). And he hates Clint because Clint is a better shot than him. Avengers-I'm coming on this mission!<br>Coulson

Consider myself sworn. But I make no promises if I get to talking about it while hyped up on painkillers at some point! Seriously, those things are like truth serum...  
>Spider-Man<p>

Thor: Do you know where this Bullseye is, Son of Coul? If he hates Clint as much as you say, we had best hurry.

Okay, in the interest of not getting killed, I vote the Avengers best at dodging or taking hits are placed on the front line, and the rest of us go find and rescue Clint. Any objections? No? Good. –Jan

Sending the three possible coordinates to your communicators now. Teams of three. This message will also show up on your communicators.  
>Coulson<p>

*Due to the nature of this mission, we are once again converting to texting*

Loki: All right. Spider, Captain America, and I have a place by the docks. How cliché (and you people remember I'm not technically and Avenger, right?)

Tony: I'm at some warehouse with Hulk, Wasp, and Widow. So that leave Thor, Coulson, and Hank to check that abandoned subway station.

Hank: Avengers, I have received more information on Bullseye. If he thinks you're the best target, he'll aim for you (I'm betting Loki, Thor, or Hulk due to them being known as the three most powerful). Remember that.

Natasha: That just means that Bullseye won't expect you to be there, Loki.

It's a good thing that the three you mentioned are pretty much invulnerable, Hank. but, just in case, I'm shrinking down. -Jan

Okay, aside from some crates filled with sub-machine guns (can we get someone here to deal with those?) there doesn't seem to be anything at the place by the docks. Any of you guys have any luck?  
>Steve<p>

Tony: Nothing so far, but that could change. We'll be sure to keep you guys updated.

Loki: Who needs this many firearms anyway? You could probably arm a small country with this...

Thor: I have located a trap door and will proceed with caution. Loki, Widow, stealth tips would be appreciated.

Coulson: Thor, wait for me and Ant-Man. We need numbers against this guy, I don't care if you're a god he will find a way to kill you.

Hank: Don't call me...never mind. I'll message as soon as we know if you guys definitely need to come here or if it's nothing.

I think that might be the whole point, Loki...  
>Spider-Man<p>

Tony: How are you guys doing? Me, Hulk, and Wasp didn't find anything aside from some pictures of Justin Hammer making out with a guy...Excuse me while I go throw up.

Ewwww! Do you think that poor guy was drunk? -Jan

Natasha: For starters, Thor, be as quiet as possible, which means no war cries.

Tony, I feel I should inform you that YOU make out with a certain blonde male that I am on a search team with and that I very much hope it was Hammer and not the partner that disturbed you.  
>Loki<br>PS: I figured that out myself, Spider. Thor, listen to Widow.

Loki, don't be an ass.  
>Hank<p>

Shit. All of you get over here NOW!  
>Hank<p>

What? Hank, reply! What's the situation? Somebody!  
>Steve<p>

What, you mean you're not disgusted by the thought of JUSTIN HAMMER, of all people, making out with someone?-Tony  
>P.S. My team's ETA is ten minutes.<p>

Spider-Man: Loki, Steve, Widow, and I should be there in around five seconds, by virtue of Loki teleporting us.

Be careful! This Bullseye sounds like serious business, and we all know how annoying bullet wounds can be!  
>Jan<p>

Coulson: Ant-Man and I are pinned down. Thor is somehow avoiding being shot. Clint is tied up in the back of the room. Bullseye is in the center of the room shooting at all of us. Watch yourselves.

Spider-Man: Ah, Loki got a little dizzy form the teleport. Apparently three people and himself all the way across the city after three big pranks this afternoon and random stealth spells at the warehouse were a bit much. I'll stick with him until I know he's okay.

Loki: Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce the over-protective teenager. Now where is that stupid trap door...

Natasha: Found it. Steve has a plan. We keep Bullseye busy and Steve takes him out with his shield. Plan B is letting Loki freeze the bastard. Going in.

Jan: ...I just realized something. Wouldn't Thor have hit Bullseye by now if he could?

Steve: Good work, Spider. Make sure that Loki doesn't overdo it.

Thor would have, but since Bullseye is in the middle of the room and Clint is tied up behind him, he didn't want to take a chance of hitting Clint on accident if Bullseye dodged. -Hank

Coulson: I vote we let Loki freeze the bastard. Pardon my language.

Everyone, brace yourselves. My team is here, and Hulk is pretty ticked that we missed a lot of the action.  
>Tony<br>P.S. Steve, take out Bullseye while Hulk distracts him.

Steve: Loki, why did you freeze him! I already knocked him out!

Loki:...Coulson said to. And the expression he's wearing rather unnerves me.

Tony: I'll...just fly Clint back for medical attention. Now.

Hulk: Hulk want to know when breakfast is...

Jan: As soon as we get back to base, Big Green.

Thank you, Loki. Your help is greatly appreciated. Now I have to go and make sure that Clint is going to be alright.  
>Coulson<p>

All things considered, this is one of the better rescue missions we've been on. I mean, nothing important even blown up! I don't know whether to be relieved or disappointed...-Spider-Man

Hank: Why not be both?

Spider-Man: ...yeah. And Loki's right, Coulson is downright scary when he's upset. I'm going home, I have a test tomorrow...or is it today? Ah crap it's today. All-nighters suck.

Loki: Well, I could always give you a cold bad enough so you could call in sick.

Natasha: And of course that would be helping.

Steve: Okay people, enough arguing on the coms. Go back to the wall, where it belongs. Err, have a nice school day, Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: I hate you Cap. Really.

*Finally back on the bathroom wall*

Tony: Is it strange that we've all gotten used to writing our arguments on the bathroom wall?

Of course not. It just means that we can all get a quick laugh in before we leave the room. -Darcy

I just wanted to let you all know that Clint is going to be alright. Thankfully the only souvenirs he has from this little adventure are a myriad of bumps and bruises, plus a minor concussion. I'll let you all know if the concussion worsens.  
>Coulson<p>

Thor: I am pleased that Clint is going to be fine. I will be sure to visit him in the infirmary. What are traditional get well gifts here?

I know Barton has "a serious sweet tooth" as Spider put it, so I am taking donation and then going to a candy store and getting the most I can with it. So far Spider, Spider-Aunt, Black Widow, Darcy, and I have each contributed ten dollars.  
>...Per my calculations at the very least that's around forty Reese's packs. And that's only if we get <em>just <em>Reese's.  
>Loki<p>

I'll just fill out his "this is why this person was injured" paperwork for him. Apparently we can do that for each other.  
>Tony<p>

Wow. Tony doing paperwork. That's new.  
>Jane<br>PS: I got him a card. Everyone who wants to sign, it's in the kitchen. Loki, no spells on the card.

Um, anyone who knows TV, Fenrir wants to know the time of that show where they have funny videos people send in.  
>Vali<br>PS: Hi Dad! We're back!

Hank: You mean America's Funniest Home Videos? It should be coming on soon, Fenrir.  
>P.S. I signed the card, and included a coupon for 40% off a large pizza. No one besides Clint touch the coupon!<p>

Where did you even get that? Hank, have you been holding out on me? -Jan

I have decided to donate to the candy fun in lieu of anything else, and I have signed the get well card.  
>Thor<p>

Natasha: Don't spoil Clint too much, or else he'll be insufferable for a week.

Madam, you act as though he is not already insufferable.  
>Loki<br>PS: When can I prank him again without anyone getting annoyed with me (more so than usual, anyway)?

I'm going to go watch TV with Loki's kids. I like that show.  
>Darcy<p>

Finally, a calm night for once.  
>...Steve, we're going to my room.<br>Tony

Anyone want to guess why he didn't just ask that in person?

Coulson: Minor pranks as soon as he can walk around without running into walls and/or random pieces of furniture. Heavy duty pranks will have to wait until the medics give Clint a clean bill of health.

I don't know, but I say we follow their lead, Bruce. ;) -Elizabeth Ross

I second that! C'mon, Hank!  
>Jan<p>

Natasha: Why does everyone now feel the need to write that here? I'll be watching that show with Darcy and Loki's kids if anyone needs me.

...Acceptable, I suppose. I can always target Tony.  
>Loki<p>

When did Banner's girlfriend break in?  
>Tony<br>PS: Loki, don't you dare.

Around the same time I did.  
>Col. Rhodes.<p>

...We need more guest rooms.  
>Happy Hogan<p>

o.o.o.

Read and review!


	11. Recovery, Good Deeds, and HARRY OSBORN!

Sorry it's been so long! Still, we're over 20k words with this one, wow! general zargon and I thank you! Don't forget to please please please review!

.o.o.o.

Chapter 11: Recovery, Good Deeds, and...HARRY OSBORN?

Pepper: Please don't, Loki. I can hardly get Tony to take a break from flying around in the suit as it is.

...I'll work on authorizing the construction of more guest rooms. -Coulson

And maybe get passes for the rest of us so we won't have to break in?  
>Col. Rhodes<br>P.S. Thanks for the tips on B&E, Widow. :)

Ha! So that's how you guys keep getting in! I knew the security wasn't that bad! –Tony

No Tony, it is that bad. You just need to know where to look.  
>Natasha<p>

Agent Coulson, Barton wants to see you. Go. He's whining and the infirmary's close enough to my room that I can hear it.  
>Loki<br>PS: Seriously, get over there before I find a muting spell.

Darcy, Fenrir, and Vali all fell asleep on the couch. Loki, find me and get the cutest picture ever!  
>Jan<p>

I have discovered we are out of pop-tarts, beer, mead, macaroni, and eggs. Jane and I shall go to the market of groceries for them.  
>Call us if you need anything else.<br>Thor

...I'm going to go yell at my chief of security now. And then I'm going to go get drunk out of my mind. Anyone want to join me? -Tony

No you won't, Tony.  
>Pepper<br>P.S. Everyone, I have locked Tony in his room and taken away everything he might be able to use to break himself out, so if anyone needs to talk to him, you'll have to speak through the door.

Betty: If anyone needs Bruce for something, tough luck, because he's mine for the next three days.

Wow. I had no idea that Miss Ross was that...aggressive. -Hank  
>P.S. Make copies of the picture mentioned above, please.<p>

Um, Pepper, Tony and i had a date tonight. Can he have escorted leave?  
>Steve<p>

Okay, Coulson, I'm with Loki. Clint's singing Disney songs. Make him stop.  
>Spider-Man<br>PS: I'm texting Thor and Jane for hot dogs

*insert sexual joke about hot dogs here*  
>Jan<p>

Really, Jan? You know we have kids here who read this wall, right?  
>Steve, for some reason Pepper said she wanted your request in written from. I think she wants proof it's your fault in case Tony runs.<br>Darcy

Hank: Jan, have you gotten into Tony's liquor cabinet? Someone get some paint to cover that joke up, please.

The request has been submitted, Pepper. I'll go and get Tony now, and yes, I know that if he runs it will officially go down in the reports as my fault.  
>Steve<p>

Okay, I'll just paint over that joke now...oh, I have an idea! -Natasha

*Insert cartoon scribbles of the Avengers over the painted over joke here*

Coulson: I'm going to see Clint now, lest he annoy the medical staff and get further injured when they try to take revenge.

:) I have come up with an excellently mischievous good deed! Spider, Black Widow, and Darcy-meet me in that one Starbucks. That one with the little moose statue made out of straws! Hurry up!  
>Loki<p>

Spider-Man has texted the plan to me and it has met my approval.  
>Spider-Aunt<br>PS-Nephew, you're pulling it on your civilian best friend next though, all right?

Be afraid, be very afraid.  
>Oh, and Fury wants paperwork about the emergency mission done. I can handle most of it, but everyone needs to do their personal reports.<br>Natasha

Wait...if Spidey's a teenager...what good deed prank are they going to play on his best friend? And Loki ISN'T his best friend?  
>Dr. Banner<br>PS: Wait, I saw the word "civilian". Never mind that part-sorry!

Thor: Does anyone need any shampoo? Last call for grocery requests! We are leaving **now**!

Dang it! I have to do paperwork even though I just got out of the infirmary? Not cool, man, not cool. -Clint

Let me guess, Clint, you're still feeling the effects of some of those painkillers, aren't you?  
>Betty<p>

Pepper: Some Doritos would be nice, and maybe a roll of duct-tape?

Mischief managed (apologies to Rowling if she sues for infringement). We're moving on to Spider's "friend" next.  
>Loki<p>

Something about those quotation marks has me worried.  
>Happy<p>

Will someone go yell at Phil and Clint to keep it down? Come find me in the gym when they're quiet, maybe then I can sleep...  
>Natasha<p>

...where's the alcohol gone?  
>Rhodey<p>

Yeah, me too, but I'm not going to say they can't pull pranks. I value being able to actually open a drawer and NOT find something weird in it far too much to try something like that.  
>Pepper<p>

Thor: Jane and I are back, and everyone who asked us to get something specific, please come and get it before it mysteriously vanishes...

Sorry, Jan got into Tony's liquor cabinet. I'll replace the empty bottles. Jan apologizes too. -Hank

Natasha, I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. You'd best make camp in the gym.  
>Betty<p>

Um, Hank, there is no way on earth Jan took THAT much.  
>I'm betting this was Loki's "good deed" prank.<br>...Why would Spidey, a noted teenager, have a pal with an alcohol problem?  
>Happy<p>

Confidential, Mr. Hogan.  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

Note to self, get back at Loki.  
>Tony<p>

tony, I should point out that most attempts to make my brother paranoid fail spectacularly.  
>Thor<p>

Yes, well, I didn't know how much was in there to begin with, and Jan doesn't remember precisely how many bottles she drank...Do we have any aspirin around here? -Hank

Third cabinet, left hand side.  
>Coulson<p>

Steve: I have to agree with Thor, Tony. Trying to play a prank on Loki can never end well.

Hey, if Tony does try something, can someone videotape it for me? Doc says I can't leave my room for at least two days. –Clint

JARVIS records a lot, Clint. He's already got all of Loki's pranks archived. And training mishaps. And weird accidents around here. We might be able to put America's Funniest Videos out of business with some of this stuff.  
>Pepper<p>

Can please not do that, Miss Potts? Fenrir and I like that show.  
>Vali<br>PS-Can we see the videos too?

Seriously, if anyone finds Loki or Spider-Man, tell them I want my drinks back!  
>Tony<p>

No chance Stark. This is how tricksters stage interventions-completely remove the offending vice and THEN talk about the problem.  
>Loki<br>PS-Spider's "friend" has earned his quotation marks. The boy doesn't know his friend is Spider-Man and actually _hates_ Spider-Man. I recommend we rectify this and therefore wish for ideas on the subject.

Awesome! It'll be like a family movie night, except we get to laugh at each other. ^_^ -Darcy

Steve: I agree with Loki and Spider, Tony. It will do you good to keep away from the liquor.

...You people (and gods) are evil! EVIL! But you can't get rid of ALL the alchohol everywhere, so just getting rid of my personal stock won't stop me!  
>Tony<p>

How about mind-control? It seems to work pretty well for some of the villains...or you could just slap the heck out of Spider's "friend" until he sees sense. –Clint

I'm not going to mind-control Spider's "friend", Barton, that might lead to quotation marks around my own quality of friendship with him. The other option seems viable...  
>Loki<br>PS: Actually Stark, I did get ALL of the alcohol in the house, and JARVIS agrees with the plan and is watching your credit card purchases. Yes, there are a few loopholes, but I think we're overall doing a good job.

1-Loki, your PS was longer than your message.  
>2-Thank you for not mind controlling my friend (notice lack of quotation marks!), but I will not "slap the heck out of" him. Super-strength, remember? I am not hurting him!<br>Spider-Man

I'll think a good talking-to might do it. He does make those phone calls to complain to you. He actually knows the answering machine limit and re-calls to finish where he started now.  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

...You do know the talking-to might not make sense if he doesn't know the whole "oh, by the way, that Spider-Man guy you're always bitching about? He's your friend" thing?  
>Jan<br>PS: Thank you Advil...and Hank for getting it.

:...Why is Tony trying to bribe me to slip him a bottle of whiskey? And no, Tony, I won't give you some alchohol due to the risk of severe injury.

TONY! If you try to bribe anyone else, I will trap you in a room with a T.V. that plays episodes of the Teletubbies 24/7. And you know I'm not joking. -Pepper

Hmmmm, well you could always start small and find out why he hates Spider-Man first, and then smack him?  
>Clint<p>

Hank: Your welcome, Jan. Drink lots of water and avoid greasy food and you should be back to normal in no time.

Why dies everyone want to smack my friend? You don't even know who he is!  
>Spider-Man<p>

Well, no, but we know that him hating your superhero-self causes you much distress. Therefore, I move that we kidnap the boy and explain things as best as possible without revealing Spider's ID  
>Loki<p>

Loki, no kidnapping civilian teenagers.  
>Clint, no injuring civilian teenagers.<br>This is Spider-Man's problem. He has to handle it himself.  
>With that in mind, nephew, please handle it. You're beginning to angst quite a good deal, dear.<br>Spider-Aunt

...Guys, there's an angry auburn-haired male tied up in the den. Should I assume this is who I think it is?  
>Steve<br>PS: Tony, I will switch the Teletubbies threat to C-Span if you try to order liquor from other's people's credit cards again.

...So I should let the kid go then?  
>Loki ;)<p>

Darcy: Yes, Loki, you should let him go. Preferably before someone notices that he's gone. You do not want to anger Spider-Aunt.

Can I have some time with him? I'm pretty sure I can get him to change his opinion on Spider-Man. ;) -Natasha

Okay, when can we let Tony out? He just started screaming, and I'm getting a bit concerned. I'm pretty sure we want him relatively sane, right?  
>Clint<br>P.S. Awwww, why not? The guy deserves it!

Coulson: Loki, please return the boy to where you found him, and no Natasha, you can't have any time with him. Listen to Spider-Aunt. We don't need any law suits over this.

Um...guys...I'm not in that room yet. I haven't tried bribing anyone for drinks, at all. The threats were plenty effective (and I was helping Steve figure out a G4 phone). So...who's in there?  
>Tony<p>

And how exactly were you going to explain to the kid you tied up that his issues with Spider-Man SPECIFICALLY were a problem, again?  
>Loki, I have noticed a distinct lack of not untying him...and I can't do it. He's my nephew's friend, he knows me.<br>Spider-Aunt

Oh, I put a few unruly agents in there. They get let out in two hours.  
>Fury<p>

And this is why I'll never work for that man. Never fear, Spider-Aunt! Your nephew...er...found his "friend" (I'm keeping the quotation marks until I can further pass judgement), yelled at me for tying him up, and in his frenzy, he accidentally unmasked himself.  
>So, in short, I've untied the "friend" but he appears to have had a slight mental breakdown over this (Spider is angry with me. No idea why...). I recommend that one psychiatrist-the one I didn't convince was in the Matrix or the Shire.<br>Loki

Jane: OMG! I just peeked into the room, and I think Tony might have a twin! Seriously, one of them looks exactly like you! I made a video on my phone and sent it to all of you, see what I mean?

Wow, you're right, the resemblance is uncanny...And Loki, that doesn't really leave us a lot of options, considering that nearly every psychiatrist you've seen has become convinced he's something or other. -Rhodey

I agree with Rhodey...although, it was pretty funny when you convinced that one guy that he was actually the pink Power Ranger...Hey, do we still have the video from that?  
>Clint<br>P.S. I am officially cleared for duty early! YAY! *Insert crudely drawn stick figure doing a happy dance here*

Thor: Indeed Clint, I am selecting videos for the movie night rotation, so do you want me to add in that one? However, I must say that it was quite disturbing to see the man dressed in one of Jan's dresses before we finally caught him.

No, no Col. Rhodes, there was this one guy with sunglasses who escaped with his sanity...or was he a lawyer? I forget...I think his name was Matt Murdock...  
>Loki<p>

Loki, I'm going to kill you. You broke my best friend.  
>Spider-Man<br>PS-Okay, my aunt says I can't kill you, but you're in the doghouse, "pal"  
>Um...Matt might not be the best idea...<p>

Wow, does that guy ever look like Tony!  
>Loki, looks like you've got the quotation marks on your friendship with Spidey now!<br>Darcy

Fury, don't torture people in my house!...unless they're Justin Hammer, then it's okay.  
>Tony<p>

Jan: Wow, Tony, you never told us you had a twin!  
>Ewwww, I remember that guy. I'll have you know I had to burn that dress afterwards! And it was one of my favorites, too! :(<p>

Yeah, Thor, go ahead and add that tape in! -Clint  
>P.S. Isn't Murdock a lawyer? What was he doing acting as a psychiatrist?<p>

Well, they say everyone in the world has a twin, Jan. I guess it was only a matter of time before we ran into Tony's.  
>Hank<p>

Pepper: No Tony, not even if they're Justin Hammer. We have enough problems with him as it is...of course, if you don't get caught doing it, I can't really say anything, especially if I don't know about it...

He's not, Clint, he just is willing to play one. Loki doesn't believe that you need a degree to give therapy.  
>...I might have to stop believing that too, if only because I think no licensed psychologist would take me.<br>Spider-Man

Okay, someone OTHER than Loki, Spider-Man, or Spider-Aunt explain what the hell is going on to me. NOW.  
>Spider-Man's-maybe-still-a-friend-who-Loki-kidnapped<p>

Jan? When did you meet Hammer? I usually make a point to keep him away from people I know...unless they'll just insult him in a really fun way (like Bruce did. That was epic).  
>Tony<br>PS: I'll see if I can calm Spider-man's friend down. I shouldn't mention that his dad's a super-villain, right?

...Tony, thank you for that information. I did not know that about the boy.  
>...Which villain?<br>Coulson

Agent Coulson, if you do anything that might traumatize that boy, I will make your life a living hell. I am an eighty year old woman who knows how to boss around 2 gods and multiple superheroes; you do not want to know what I will do if you upset a boy I consider my extra nephew.  
>Spider-Aunt<br>PS- I let the tortured agents out. They were crying, the poor dears.

Natasha: I have to side with Loki on the psychiatrist issue. At least if someone isn't a licensed psychiatrist they won't charge you five hundred bucks an hour.

It was back before the Avengers. I was holding a fund raiser so Hank could keep working on his 'science'. Hammer was there, drunk off his butt, and he kept pawing me. Unfortunately, I couldn't knee him where the sun didn't shine, but I managed to trip him when no one was looking. I made good my escape after that. -Jan

Darcy: You have my sympathies, Jan. I'm sorry about your dress, how about we go shopping to ease the pain of the memory for you?

Fury is evil…those poor agents. I gave them some hot cocoa and Oreos to help them calm down.  
>Jane<br>P.S. Fear the Spider-Aunt, Coulson, fear the Spider-Aunt

Steve, go calm the kid down. Use your "practically the embodiment of everything good" to help, okay?  
>Tony<br>PS-Brat didn't like me because my company competes with his dad's...anyways, I got Coulson distracted by giving him my paperwork. He might have gone into shock.

...Tony, where does Justin Hammer live? I need to "talk" to him  
>Hank<br>PS-...Jan, why was Science in quotes?

Can Spider's friend stay for game night? Coulson's still in shock so my team's short a person, and Darcy, Spider, Barton, Miss Potts and I don't want to forfeit.  
>Loki<p>

...Somehow I think I wouldn't be allowed to leave anyway.  
>Spider-Man's Friend (please note lack of quotes, Loki)<br>PS: Spider-Aunt, can we have pancakes for dinner like last month when I spent the night at your house? Please?

Of course we can, dear.  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

Hammer's usually in his office unless he's plotting something. I suggest looking there, Hank, and if you can't find him, ask his secretary (if she's there...) -Pepper

Tony:...Pepper, is there something you're not telling me? You seem more hateful towards Hammer than usual. O_O

Steve: Okay, Spider's friend is calmed down, and Loki, he's on your team for game night as long as he gets first pick of the pancakes...Spider-Aunt, can we have chocolate chip pancakes too?

No reason, Hank. And you don't need to "talk" to Hammer, really!  
>Jan<p>

So we've got Spider-Man, Spider-Aunt, and Spider-Friend, got it!  
>Vali<p>

...I need a new name. And those pancakes were great Spider-Aunt. The chocolate chips were a good idea.  
>Spider-Friend-who-wants-a-new-name (and NOBODY better say anything with Goblin in it!)<p>

Kid-Goblin.  
>Kidding. Anyways, I'm going to make it so your father and his associates can no longer read the word "goblin" if it pertains to you since that would give away Spider's ID.<br>As for names, I fail to see what is wrong with Spider-Friend outside of it sounding rather camp.  
>Loki<br>PS: How good are you at Risk?

Pepper, if my boyfriend gets arrested for assaulting Hammer, I blame you. If he doesn't, I want video of what he did.  
>Jan<br>PS: You guys are going down Loki!...as soon as Hank gets back. The him, me, Bruce, Betty, and Rhodey are going to smoke you! And Thor, Jane, Tony, Steve, and Natasha too!


	12. Risk, Villains, and Substitute Teachers?

A/N: I would like to note here and now that I did no research on Risk and I don't think general zargon did either. For example, I thought a country's resources mattered and I don't think you can really have three teams that each have their players doing different things at once. Thanks anyways!

Also, here are the teams:

"Team Hero": Tony, Steve, Thor, Jane, Natasha

"Team Genius": Bruce, Betty, Hank, Jan, Rhodey

"Team Trickster": Loki, Darcy, Clint, Pepper, Peter, Harry (in lieu of Coulson)

.o.o.o.

Chapter 12: Risk, Villains, and...Substitute Teachers?

.o.o.o

Bruce: I also fail to see anything wrong with the name 'Spider-Friend', but to each their own, I suppose. Thank you, Spider-Aunt, for the chocolate chip pancakes.

...I'm not very good at Risk. For some reason I always wind up with really obscure countries that I'm not sure actually exist.  
>Spider-Friend-who-still-wants-a-new-name<p>

I'm back and happy to report that I did NOT get arrested. You guys are going down! -Hank

Pepper: Oh, it's nothing Tony...Without further ado, let the games begin!  
>P.S. The video's in the mail, Jan.<p>

...Hmm...  
>Sorry buddy, I'm not too creative when it comes to names (I called myself the Human Spider for cripes sake! Somebody else called me Spider-Man and it stuck...). Loki's creative, but he's busy being his God of Mischief self...maybe Darcy or Clint?<br>Also, all of those countries existed when the board was made, and I have the internet to prove it.  
>Spider-Man<p>

How about "Kid who stole all the best pancakes"?  
>Clint<p>

Go jump off a cliff, Clint. Maybe something vague relating to the color green?  
>Darcy<br>PS: Someone tell Tony that we are not redrawing the board for 2011 resources and borders.

...Okay, if Loki's spell holds I might just go with Kid Goblin until we get something better. Spider-Friend just sounds weird.  
>Don't redraw the board! I just got used to the map Spidey showed me!<br>Kid Goblin (still open to other names)

Steve: You really called yourself the Human Spider? That name doesn't really make a lot of sense...

Yeah, no redrawing the map! I'm pretty sure that's against the rules anyway. -Rhodey

Kid Goblin it is then! By the way, can someone please explain this game to me? What exactly is the risk involved in playing it?  
>Thor<p>

Tony: Fine, be boring then! But I tell you now that the game would be a lot more interesting my way!  
>P.S. Spider's right, those countries did exist when the game was made. I double-checked just to be sure. :)<p>

The risk is losing.  
>Loki<p>

...This game sucks. Loki's team got North America and Spider-Man and Kid Goblin just HAD to be in a history class at high school dealing with our country's resources...  
>Jan<p>

Memo to all Avengers and people who regularly stay at my house:  
>Trying to act-out board gamevideo game/other mock battles on my roof is not okay. Nor is turning it into a rainforest to try and prove a point about terrain (hello, Loki). We're using the damn rule book and that's that!  
>Tony<p>

...So I shouldn't endeavor to introduce Col. Rhodes to why that sort of strategy would never work against ME in Alaska, either?  
>Oops.<br>Loki

Loki you *****! Freezing me into a block of ice is NOT an acceptable strategy!  
>A-very-ticked-off-and-freezing-Rhodey.<p>

Clint: Wow, okay, how'd Hank manage to capture Russia? I thought he was concentrating on Africa!

Loki! Get rid of the rainforest on the roof before we get disqualified! -Darcy

Natasha:...How in the world did Thor manage to drive me back to one country? Tony, are you helping him?

Tony Stark does not know how to defend Asia.  
>Kid Goblin<p>

I'm starting to like that kid.  
>The rainforest is gone. I hope you're happy.<br>Loki

Okay, I hate you both (because Loki, I did not mean "get rid of the forest but relocate the python to the game room and see who yells"). And Hank for getting Russia. And myself for having no better idea for unfreezing Rhodey than a souped-up hair dryer.  
>Clearly you people are killing my brain cells.<br>Tony

No, that's the alcohol. Greenland is our team's territory! Team Loki-Spider-Goblin-Darcy-Clint-Pepper is going down!  
>Betty<p>

Bruce, she's a keeper. She's doing better than Steve, Thor, and Loki at this!  
>Jan<p>

Bruce: Don't I know it. When we first met she challenged me to a game of Risk and whooped my butt. Our team is so going to win this. :)

In your defense, Tony, the hair dryer thing worked. -Hank

Seriously, how is Hank doing so well at this? And why is Natasha losing to Thor?  
>Clint<p>

Spider:...I don't know...o_O. Aren't they on the same team?  
>P.S. Who ate the last of the Doritos?<p>

...You must be reading the map wrong, Clint. YOU are losing to Thor, who is using MY pieces because we ARE on the same team. I'm having more fun calculating the winning percentages for battles since Tony's still having an angst-fest over the hairdryer not being "cool".  
>...I just read higher. Who's the wise guy pretending to be me!<br>Natasha

Why do you all keep coming in here to write this stuff?  
>Happy<p>

...It's been twelve hours, and we've had a lot of coffee and soda?  
>Natasha, you know there's an online chart that makes the calculations easier, right? That's how we beat your team in Brazil!<br>Spider-Man

Damn, now our team's down to the tip of Europe. Thanks for letting Kid Goblin overhear you telling Tony England was still weak, Steve  
>Jane<p>

Kid Goblin, with the above we are officially friends now. Welcome to the trickster side.  
>Loki<p>

Enchantress: Oh well, it was fun while it lasted! ;) By the way, Thor, I'd recommend attacking Kid Goblin while he is distracted.

O_O Okay, how'd she get in here? Why is she giving Thor advice? And why was she pretending to be Natasha? -Clint

Apologies, Jane, I didn't know Kid Goblin was that ruthless. I promise to keep my voice down in the future.  
>Steve<p>

Tony: Dang you, Loki...-_-  
>P.S. I have no idea who ate the last Dorito.<p>

Hah! Take that, Spider! –Bruce

...I'm not ruthless, Captain Rogers, I'm just helping beat you in a board game...  
>Loki, isn't it "the Dark Side"?<br>...and who's the Enchantress?  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Right, right you haven't been in the loop for more than two days. She's an evil Asgardian sorceress who is infatuated with Thor, can't take "no" for an answer and wants to kill me.  
>Jane<br>PS: Damn, our team's out now. Let's see who're the better planners-Team Mischief or Team Genius?

Actually, it's NOT the Dark Side I welcomed you to, because let's face it, Spider would have nothing to do with the Dark Side and I have no cookies. XD  
>Also, Spider, can't you hold onto Latin America like a normal person? I told you to pay attention to it!<br>Loki

...No hablo espanol?  
>Spider-Man<p>

Hank! How could you let them take Australia!...and New Zealand. Crap, that gives them bonus armies, right?  
>Jan<p>

Natasha: Grrrr...She is SO dead the next time we fight. Now somebody pass me the popcorn!

Don't worry, Jan. Betty, Bruce, and I have a strategy worked out. -Hank

Darcy: I have cookies, but I'm not sharing! ;P

Oh, this is gonna be great! My money's on Team Genius pulling an upset.  
>Clint<p>

I would not count my brother out, Clint. Do we have any more potato chips? –Thor

Thank you so much for voting against _your own team_, Barton.  
>Loki<p>

And Loki, Spider-Man, and Pepper came up with a way to kick our team out of South America entirely. Great. Betty, does the plan involve luring them into a false sense of security or something?  
>Jan<p>

It is now three hours after Wasp's last note. Sadly the Sinister Six attacked and the game board was lost.  
>Not-sadly, my team was winning at the time, and the Six were way over their heads fighting more than just me!<br>Spider-Man

For the record, we had a plan. And you all would have lost.  
>Hank<p>

...I want lessons in "surviving villains invading living rooms" now  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Hey, I just call 'em as I see 'em! -Clint

Jane: It was fun to see Thor pile-drive Scorpion into the ground, I will admit.

Yeah, but dodging acid and thrown coffee tables is definitely not good for shoes, especially high heels.  
>Pepper<p>

Bruce: Luckily we don't have to prove that, Hank. By the way, how is it that the remote control stayed intact, but the T.V. and half the kitchen table were completely demolished?

The remote was a smaller target. -Darcy  
>P.S. Why? What are the chances of that actually happening to you outside of here, Kid Goblin?<p>

Maybe I can fine-tune-it into a universal remote so we can use with any TV in the house...or the coffee maker.  
>Tony<p>

1-My dad is a super-villain (even if I didn't know that until Spidey blurted it out and Loki randomly produced evidence), so I'm betting he has people over and I want to know what to do if they start arguing and fighting in my home.  
>2-Now that I know who Spidey is, he has less of an excuse to not hang out with me, so we're going to be doing homework here a lot (his idea, my math grades still suck)<br>Kid Goblin

I'm taking my nephew and his friend home, they've got school in the morning.  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

Steve, go drag Tony out of his lab. He has a meeting tomorrow morning.  
>Pepper<p>

Darcy: But then wouldn't everyone be fighting over whose turn it was to have the super-remote?

We can always buy more remotes. It's not like Tony can't afford it, since we have to replace the T.V. and kitchen table anyway. -Jan

Steve: Tony is now fast asleep, and I don't think he'll be able to make that meeting on time, Pepper.

Dang, now we'll never know who won, Team Mischief or Team Genius...Aw well, there's always next game night! :) Night, guys!  
>Clint<p>

Steve has dragged me out of bed at the ungodly hour of eight a.m. and now Pepper wants me to go to a meeting...wonder how much coffee I can drink in an hour...  
>Tony<p>

Wow, check out today's Bugle. "Spider-Man Leads Sinister Six to Avengers Tower". Can I please shoot this Jameson guy?  
>Clint<p>

No, Clint, but I'll call to administer a correction. Also Stark informed me before leaving that the television order has been placed.  
>Coulson<p>

Excuse me, everyone, but my nephew just texted me to ask if anyone knew where Loki is. He sounded oddly worried. Do you think Loki might have decided to follow him and Kid Goblin around their school out of boredom?  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

Bruce: Apparently Tony can drink 3.5 pots of coffee in an hour...expect to see more of him writing stuff down in here as he runs to bathroom, everybody.

That does sound like something my brother would do, Spider-Aunt, but I would check to make sure it was actually him instead of someone else capable of using magic. -Thor

Come to think of it, does anyone know what the Enchantress is up to? You know, besides pretending to be Natasha to write on the bathroom wall.  
>Hank<p>

Jane: Well, I'm still alive so that's definitely a plus. By the way, does anyone remember whether or not we put the ice cream away after the Sinister Six ran away?

Off to a meeting. I saw that, Bruce. Let's see you get new chemicals out of me now...  
>Tony<p>

Okay, I'm sure I mentioned this over dinner a few weeks ago, but my (and KG's) English teacher is out for two months maternity leave.  
>We met our sub today.<br>Our sub is a moderately-well-disguised Loki.  
>Who I now really, really hate.<br>Spider-Man

I hate him more. Even if he did troll the quarterback and that bitchy cheerleader.  
>Kid Goblin (name? come on people!...I'm stuck w this, aren't I?)

People, I think we're forgetting the evil sorceress who broke in last night!...well, okay, harping on her is usually Loki and Jane's thing, and Jane was in her lab and Loki apparently substitute teaching at a high school (he needs to tell me these things) but...well...pay attention!  
>Darcy<p>

Hank:...I will remind you, Darcy, that I did ask about the Enchantress. Unless you're talking about another evil sorceress?

Sorry, KG, but you're stuck with that name. ^_^  
>Jan<p>

Betty: I'm happy to report that the ice cream is safe (except for that one tub of chocolate chip). Why is Bruce muttering something about putting some kind of drain cleaner solution in Tony's armor's hydrolics system?

WHAT? BRUCE! DON'T YOU DARE! –Tony

I meant everyone BUT you Hank. Are we the only ones worried?  
>Darcy<p>

Darcy, tell Loki he's out of the club until we get a satisfying "why I am your temp-teacher" explanation.  
>...well, he's the God of Lies, so it should at least SOUND like a good one at any rate...<br>Your-still-pissed-off-neighborhood-Spider-Man

Bruce, don't. We shouldn't do tings that will affect missions.  
>Come up with something else.<br>Coulson  
>PS-Meeting about Enchantress after dinner. Darcy and Hank are correct, it is a possible threat.<p>

...Phil, was that permission? Tell me that was permission. I would love to hear that was permission to do...something, okay baby? Tell me it was permission!  
>Clint<p>

Jan: It sure sounded like permission to me! And Hank, when did you find time to be worried about the Enchantress showing up?

I will be sure to do that, Spidey. -Darcy

Thor: Why am I hearing something that sounds suspiciously like evil laughter coming from Loki's room? I think he's enjoying the chance to come up with the story you wanted a bit too much, Spider...

*Sigh* Yes, Clint, that was permission to do something, as long as that something doesn't endanger missions.  
>Coulson<p>

Easy Jan, because most of my lab equipment was broken when the Sinister Six broke in and I'm still waiting for replacements.  
>Hank<p>

Phil, I love you!  
>Clint<p>

Somebody's happy. Okay, so outside of wanting to kill Miss Foster because she erroneously believes it will enable her to date my brother, what do you all think Amora wanted?  
>Spider, I need to ask: by a good story did you mean "sounds good" or "is believable"? There's a difference.<br>Loki

...I'm just going to hide in my workshop. For a week.  
>Tony<br>PS: Enchantress is the blonde chick in all green who tried killing me with an animated statue when I flirted with her in June, right?

Steve: Wait, Tony did what?

I'm pretty sure that Spidey meant "is believable", Loki. -Natasha  
>P.S. Yes, Enchantress is the blonde woman in all green.<p>

Yes, that's what I meant. -_-;  
>Are you sure the Enchantress didn't plant a bomb in the mansion or something like that? That seems to be a super-villain favorite...<br>You-still-peeved-neighborhood Spider-Man

Jan: That isn't really Enchantress's style, but still...It's better than my idea.  
>Oh. So, your equipment will get here at the same time as the other replacement stuff?<p>

Steve, that was months before you two started dating.  
>Spider, Kid Goblin, I have your story. Please meet me in the kitchen to see if it is satisfactory.<br>Loki

Yeah, still waiting. I've got nothing to do...on the other hand, it frees me up if you want to go on a date?  
>Hank<p>

Coulson: Everyone, search the tower. Loki, can you track the Enchantress' magic in any way?

Okay, on the one hand, "I was bored" isn't a good excuse...on the other hand Spidey told me what Loki does when he's bored...and while that's all the story amounted to it was very good...ideas?  
>Kid Goblin<br>PS: Are we going to anything about my dad being a super-villain? Ever? And if so can I get a 48-hours-ahead warning so I can be far away?

.o.o.o.

Reviews please!


	13. Attacks, Movies, and More Asgardians!

N: Wow this took forever! LiveJournal did a weird update that made it super hard for general zargon to find the thread again! Stupid update...

Anyways, here's chapter 13: Attacks, Movies, and More Asgardians!

.o.o.o.

Jan: Be ready to leave in ten, Hank! Coulson probably wants us to search the vents before we go, so let's just get that out of the way.

As far as I know, nothing been planned involving your dad, but we'll be sure to let you know if that changes, KG. -Clint  
>P.S. Okay, who's been stealing the Oreos again?<p>

Tony: My workshop's clear if you ignore all the sticky notes telling me to put down the wrench and go get something to eat...I don't remember if it was Steve or Pepper wrote those.

Darcy: My room hasn't been tampered with, but I guess that doesn't really mean anything. Although, there's this one picture in the hallway that I could have sworn was in the den. Did anyone move that, or am I just seeing things?

Art? In a home belonging to Tony Stark? Art NOT drawn by Steve Rogers?  
>Yes, that is suspicious, Darcy. I'll go look at it.<br>Loki  
>PS: I feel I should not that if it does turn out to be something, I want to scold Amora-evil paintings are cliché at best.<p>

Look, Kid Goblin, if we ever do anything involving your dad, we'll ship you to Disney or something. I can only schedule therapists for so many people after all.  
>Pepper<p>

The painting came to life and shot out a bunch of centaurs that attacked Loki and me. Loki's levitating them over the pool (since apparently they can't swim) and wants to know if Coulson's gong to interrogate them.  
>Steve<br>PS: Loki, I don't appreciate the insinuations in your note.

I'll be right out. Everyone else, check for anything else out of the ordinary...and someone stay with Kid Goblin since I'm not sure he would know ordinary from not in this place yet.  
>Coulson<p>

Hank: The vents are clear, and Jan and I will be back in a few hours.

Hopefully the mansion will still be standing when you get back. Have fun, and avoid that new restaurant that opened downtown. The food there is terrible. -Natasha  
>P.S. I think we might have eaten all the Oreos, Clint...I'll go and check.<p>

Clichés are clichés because they WORK. I'll stay with Kid Goblin, just in case.  
>Jane<br>P.S. Why is there a statue of a lion on the coffee table?

Thor: Stay away from it! I've seen such statues before, and they are only dangerous if touched...unless another spell has been added to them.

Hi, this is Kid Goblin. I'm writing this while Miss Foster and I have locked ourselves in here to avoid the glowing lion that sounds like Hulk is fighting right now. I would like to point out that messages that need to be immediate, instead of "oh you can read this later", might be communicated in faster and more noticeable ways, like cell phones, or loud yelling.

He does have a point.  
>Jane<p>

Indeed, and we know how loud you can yell, brother. I'll teleport these two to Spider's house when I finish writing this. I have already evacuated Spider-Aunt. I will also send this message in text-form since I think switching to our communicators would be beneficial.  
>Loki<p>

*switch to mission coms*

Tony: You know, I forgot I even gave Loki one of these. But there's also a big snake in the pool and Thor said it's okay to fight it because "there's no way his nephew could fit in something so small". WTF?

Darcy: Fenrir and Vali aren't Loki's only kids, Tony. Those Norse Mythology books actually got some things right.

Clint: First off, EWWW! Way too much information. Second, the giant snake is down for the count, so I'm going to go and check the locker rooms for any surprises.

Natasha: Now you know how we feel whenever you get really, really drunk, Clint. Coulson is interrogating the centaurs, but I honestly don't think he's going to get anything out of them except for manure.

Hulk: Hulk smash glowing lion. Hulk thinking about making fur coat. What you all think?

Spidey thinks he's had enough chaos for a month, but that's just me. By the way, the rug in the living room came to life and tried to kill me. Loki set it on fire.

Don't talk about yourself in the third person, kiddo, it doesn't suit you. Hulk, let me analyze that thing before you try to wear it.  
>Tony<p>

Of course Wasp and Ant-Man had to have left about two minutes before all this started. Oh, and Barton? Care to say any of that to my face?  
>Loki<p>

I think we've just about wrapped this up. Any idea what the Enchantress wanted? Other than ruing a perfectly good Wednesday night?  
>Steve<p>

Coulson: You were right, Widow. It will likely cost an incredible amount of money to get the pool cleaned...Who says that the Enchantress had to want something other than to ruin the evening?

*back on the wall*

I'll send the bill to SHIELD for the pool. -Pepper

Clint: Uh, why is there a pair of diamond-studded high-heels in the locker room? And Loki, anytime.

Really? I shudder to think what those might do. Alright, I will be there soon to make sure that they won't spontaneously come to life and attack someone.  
>Loki<br>P.S. Bring it on, Barton.

Loki, Clint, lay off. We don't need you two going at it more than you already do.  
>Steve<p>

...Diamond-studded high-heels? As if normal heels weren't enough torture...  
>Darcy<p>

Loki: the shoes haven been deemed safe, though I'm not entirely sure what we should do with them. Very well, Captain, I will not feud with Barton...I supposed I should be grading those papers anyway.

Spidey, Hulk, and I are going to watch some Christmas Specials if anyone wants to join us.  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Pepper:...Can I have the shoes?

Do I want to know why you'd want them, Pepper?  
>I'll be over there in a few minutes, KG. -Tony<br>P.S. Hulk, I don't think making a coat out of the glowing lion would be a good idea. It's giving off some weird energy readings.

Natasha: I'll be over there too, Spider. I hope you have enough snacks for all of us.

Brother, what are we supposed to do with the centaurs, the giant snake, and the glowing lion? Is there any chance you can send the somewhere and/or turn them back to normal?  
>Thor<p>

...Well, there's a bit of a problem with that, Thor, as they are not altered but actually magical creatures themselves, and I cannot, say, send them to Latveria to drive Dr. Doom crazier because he'd probably find a way to subdue and experiment on them.  
>So, I am out of ideas on the subject. On another subject, about one third of Spider and Kid Goblin's class used text-speak andor slang in their papers. Clearly mortal teenagers have issues.  
>Loki<p>

The shoes seem okay to me-nothing funny on the tests. I guess Pepper can have them.  
>Hank<p>

Note to all SHIELD agents-the Hulk loves Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas and Home Alone 1.  
>Clint<p>

Very funny, Clint. But useful.  
>Reed Richards said he had an idea of what to do with the aforementioned animals. He'll be here in a few minutes to pick them up.<br>Coulson

And Spidey just had a fan-boy moment over that. Apparently scientists are his rock stars.  
>Darcy<p>

Jan: I could have told you that, Loki. If you really want to punish some kids in Spidey's class, tell them that they're not allowed to use text-speak in their reports or they'll get an 'F'. I bet you get a satisfying chorus of groans after that.

I can safely say that you are correct, Jan. Whenever I have a bad day and need some cheering up, that's what I do. -Betty

Very funny you guys. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go make sure that Spidey doesn't embarrass himself when he meets Reed Richards.  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Pepper: Awesome, those shoes are going to make a big splash at the next Stark fundraiser.

Wait, Pepper, are you planning on telling everyone that Tony got you the shoes and making all the women jealous? Sneaky. I like. –Natasha

Pepper does that kind of thing all the time. With all the insanity Tony puts her though, I found out she had "can buy whatever clothes I want and you'll pay" into her contract.  
>I'm going to try and drag Tony out of the workshop to join in on the Christmas movies. Wish me luck!<br>Steve

...Miss Van Dyne, thank you so much for that suggestion. That makes this a lot easier.  
>Loki<br>PS-Someone come tell me if either version of the Grinch comes on

Well, Bruce is back and Reed just showed up. Let's hope we can figure out what to do with those animals.  
>Hank<p>

Oh boy, Loki came in to see the animated Grinch and Human Torch came with Reed. Now they're both with Spider-Man and Kid Goblin in a corner, seemingly plotting and/or swapping stories.  
>I guess Loki really is the younger sibling.<br>Natasha

Thor: Indeed. Loki was the one who came up with all the best pranks, remind me to tell you all some stories at dinner.

Okay, it's about time for the info-mercials to come on, so it's also time to cast your vote for which Christmas movie we should watch next! My vote's on 'Grandma got run over by a Reindeer' -Jane

That sounds good to me! I love that movie.  
>Clint<p>

Bruce: How about 'The Night Before Christmas'? And I hope some new clothes are included in my presents...

...Why would we want to watch a movie about an elderly woman getting run over by a large hoofed beast, exactly?  
>Loki<br>PS: Johnny Storm wants to stay for dinner

Loki, don't be a smart-ass. I know it's hard for you to resist the sarcasm your brain supplies for you 24/7, but please try anyway.  
>Spider-Aunt<p>

Nightmare Before Christmas!  
>Spider-Man<br>& Kid Goblin  
>And Human Torch<br>Oh, what the hell, Loki votes for this too!

...They're ganging up on us.  
>Jane<p>

Thanks for taking Johnny for the night!  
>Reed<p>

Pepper: Nightmare Before Christmas it is! Lights on or off?

Lights on!  
>Clint<p>

The above is seconded by Betty, Jan, and Darcy

Torch, touch the candy corn and die. -Natasha

...Okay, who wants popcorn while we wait for the previews on the movie to end?  
>Tony<p>

Popcorn is always a necessity. Spider and Kid Goblin are already getting some. Assist them if you wish.  
>Loki<p>

Oh man, Loki looked way too happy watching "This is Halloween". I think we need to get worried next October.  
>Steve<p>

Johnny Storm-What makes you think he'll wait that long?  
>PS: How do I get in touch w Spider-Aunt? KG and I want to take Spidey to see the new action flick at new years. Sherlock something-it's a sequel to that other one.

...Loki's right. ^that comment means we need to fear for the teenage generation.  
>Coulson<p>

Okay, I'm calling light's out-it's 2 am. And really, Torch doesn't know who Sherlock Holmes is? REALLY?  
>Natasha<p>

Thor:...For some reason, I am reminded rather strongly of the one time I visited Midgard during Samhain...It did not go well, as I recall.

Really? What happened? -Tony

Johnny prefers movies with a lot of explosions and at least two bedroom scenes.  
>Reed Richards<p>

Jane: Let KG get in touch with Spider-Aunt, he knows how and it won't look suspicious.

Not helping, Miss Foster. Mission briefing at 1 pm. sharp, and so help me, if there is any glitter in sight, I will not be held responsible for my actions. –Coulson

Ditto on that stupid glitter. You will NOT like a beyond-pissed-off Spidey...  
>Spider-Man<p>

THAT'S why you had glitter in your hair that day? Man, that was bad... Oh well, if it happens again I'll makes something up. See if I can save whatever reputation you have.  
>Kid Goblin<br>PS: Spidey says he'll ask her when he gets home, Torch.

I want a new breakfast rule-Tony may not take someone else's coffee.  
>Clint<p>

Tony-Oh please. It was right there and you weren't even within twenty feet!

Thor: Apologies Tony, but someone who I will not name swore me to utmost secrecy on pain of death.

I agree with Clint. The one who stole my cereal when I left the room for a minute shall suffer. -Natasha

Pepper: Tony, get your own cup of coffee, or I'll start giving you decaf!

...Well, on the bright side at least there was no glitter.  
>Bruce<p>

Natasha-stop looking at me funny...Why would I take you cereal, anyway? It's not even a fun cereal like Fruit Loops or Reese's Puffs.  
>Clint<p>

And now we know the source of Barton's occasional hyperactivity. Anyone who wants the Samhain story can ask me-I swore nothing! ;P  
>Loki<p>

Excuse me while I go make arrangements for my foolish brother's funeral.  
>Thor<br>PS: Let me know when the Bifrost activates. I do not want to miss the fight that will now surely ensue.

I'll tell Jarvis to get ready to record on high-def, in case you get here after it starts. And so we can watch it later (or need evidence from it...).  
>Tony<br>PS: It's my house and I pay the grocery bills. Technically all the coffee is already mine.

Darcy: Wow, Sif and Hogun look really ticked...Loki, run!

Tony, please be prepared to add that video to the movie night line-up. You just know that we're going to want to watch it if Loki survives. ;) -Pepper

Loki: Thank you all for the vote of confidence...

Okay, why is there a fluffy, pink stuffed spider in one of the cabinets? –Steve

Great. Loki has relocated the fight/chase to the roof and Spider-Man, Kid Goblin, and the Human Torch are up there with popcorn. And camera phones.  
>Jane<p>

Teenagers. And Tony, because he's watching this on the security cameras and laughing like a hyena.  
>Natasha<p>

This is Hogun taking a short break from attempting to maim Loki. Sif is doing fine on her own at the moment. I'd like to know, has Loki actually told anyone the story yet? The three young men on the roof seemed to know the basics, but anyone else?

I think Thor went to go break the fight up. He looked annoyed.  
>Clint<p>

Darcy: I think it's just one of those random things, Steve. Best not think about it too much.  
>P.S. Loki told me a bit of the story, but I'm not really sure where the donkey fits into the whole thing...<p>

Okay, what did I miss? -Hank

Jan: Yeah, and why is all the popcorn gone?

Where were you and Jan, anyway?  
>Bruce<br>P.S. Just the usual craziness. Go find Tony to watch the security video and get caught up.

Sif-the three teenage mortals insisted that I not kill Loki as they want to go to a "movie" with him. Then one of them turned to fire when I went to attack Loki anyway. Then Thor made all of us stop fighting and the redheaded youth said we should "seek therapy if necessary"  
>My point being: Midgard is an odd world.<p>

KG, just because we're making you and Spidey see a therapist...and Loki...and sometimes Thor and Tony...and Clint...  
>Okay, so a lot of us see therapists and more of us eat them alive. That doesn't mean you go recommending them to random Asgardians.<br>Coulson.

I didn't recommend it to a random Asgardian, I recommended it to the crazy Asgardian trying to kill Loki for being gossipy. Besides, I convinced her that Torch putting his camera's video on Facebook would be punishment enough.  
>Kid Goblin<p>

...You are leaning the ways of the trickster, you one. I am oddly pleased...but still also annoyed.  
>Loki<br>PS: I do not claim ownership of the randomly appearing fluffy things. And Fandral and Volstagg just arrived.


	14. The Fuffy Menace and the Scrabble Story

Sorry this took so long! Our thread got booted form norsekink, so we set up here, and then I had a busy week for awhile...anyway, here's Chapter 14 at last! Thank the internet for allowing me to find a villain that fit the crazy scenario general zargon and I thought up...

.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

Jane: Thank you for making sure the mansion isn't destroyed, Thor! By the way, will Sif and the Warriors Three be staying for dinner?

I am never going to therapy again, Coulson! -Clint  
>P.S. Did you post it on YouTube, KG? Best to have all the bases covered.<p>

Natasha:...Why is there a giant fluffy teddy bear in the hallway?

Can I have the teddy bear?  
>Jan<p>

...That was oddly vehement of you, Barton. Care to share? Or maybe let me drive the therapist that apparently traumatized you insane?  
>By all means put the video all over the internet. I did some very good spellwork on the roof.<br>Loki

I believe you have once again forgotten that Loki has no shame. And he, me, KG, and Torch are going to a movie tonight after dinner. So if any super villain that I usually fight attacks, can somebody get them? My aunt told me to take a night off willingly or get grounded...  
>Spider-Man<p>

Well you are a bit obsessive. I ordered pizza. Lots of pizza.  
>Tony<br>PS: The blonde with the sword stabbed the TV. Thor, go explain technology to your friends.

...There is a giant stuffed elephant in my room. And it's really f***ing creepy. Are we allowed to declare a state of fluffy emergency?  
>Clint<br>PS: Loki, his name is Dr. Lawson. Go for it.

Hank: Jan took the teddy bear. I hope it doesn't turn out to be anything dangerous...

Clint, what have I told you about setting Loki on therapists?  
>Coulson<br>P.S. There isn't such a thing as a 'state of fluffy emergency'

Darcy: You'll probably change your mind when you see what appeared in the hallway closet.

Bruce grabbed the stuffed elephant for some reason, but I'm pretty sure if the fluffy things were dangerous we would have known about it by now. -Pepper  
>P.S. I agree with your aunt, Spider.<p>

Yes, well, Spider-Man doesn't seem all that dangerous and we all know how that really pans out. Of course underestimation is one of the reasons he can take down crooks so fast. They're all "short skinny guy in spandex" and he's all "yeah, but I can kick your ass anyway lol" and then they're down from the count!  
>Torch<p>

All for banning Johnny Storm from all future Red Bull consumption say "aye"  
>Steve<p>

That isn't not nice and I have to clean up whatever mess he makes...I'll get the marker-remover and self-help books... :(  
>Clint<p>

Sorry about Torch. Who knew theaters sold that a drink now?  
>Don't worry about cleanup, Barton. I was going to do it after the movie and saw your note and sad emoticon. I will find another way to amuse myself in post-amazing-movie style...<br>Loki  
>PS: Aside from the jokes on Spider's height (and Torch, he's mad about them), I agree on the animals. They are too cute to be trusted.<p>

Bruce: Aye!

The above has been seconded by Darcy, Hank, Jane, Jan, and Natasha

The 'ayes' have it and the motion carries. Torch, you are no longer allowed to have Red Bull, and I will be sending the memo to Richards as soon as we solve the mystery of the appearing fluffy animals.  
>Tony<p>

Thor: I was attempting to explain to Sif and the Warriors Three about the T.V. when a large stuffed squirrell appeared on the back of the couch...I must admit, I find it very creepy how its' eyes seem to follow Fandral around...

I agree with Loki. This is getting weird...Where did the flamingo come from, and why does it seem like it's staring at me? -Pepper  
>P.S. Coulson, I urge you to reconsider the state of fluffy emergency.<p>

Guys, how much longer do I have to hide from Spidey? Apparently hieght cracks are taboo...  
>Torch<p>

You're good. I'm over it. Don't do it again.  
>Spider-Man<br>PS: There's a bunny in the shower and

Where'd he go? It just ended...  
>Fluffy emergency is declared. Can we interrogate those things?<br>Clint

Loki, Kid Goblin, and Torch are looking for them. Torch said something about "roasted stuffing", Loki was twitching, and Kid Goblin somehow found a seam ripper.  
>I recommend we make sure super-villains don't kidnap Spidey again anytime soon...for their own safety...<p>

*The following messages will be sent in text messages until further notice*

Hank: Problem! Big problem! The stuffed bear Jan grabbed came to life!

Darcy: Seriously? Pepper, get away from the flamingo!

Steve: Everyone report in! We have to find out what's going on and where Spider vanished to. Do any of the super-villains have the ability to create extremely fluffy and dangerous animals?

Thor: The stuffed squirrel attacked us and was summarily destroyed. We are headed towards where the flamingo was last seen, has it been decided whether we can interrogate the animals or not?

Loki: I have received Captain America's question and have this to offer: if there is someone out there with that as their power, would they really advertise it?

Kid Goblin: I think he meant someone who could apply their powers in that way. I'm pretty sure "summon fluffy minions of death" isn't an actual super-power.

Tony: It could be. And why do you have a com? And how does it know what to call you? And what do you think you're doing?

Kid Goblin: Like hell I'm not helping to save my friend!...also, Maria Hill needs to lock her desk drawer better than she does.

Coulson: The flamingo has been tased and therefore incinerated by Miss Lewis. Like many stuffed animals, these appear to be flammable. I assume our foe wither knows magic, can warp reality, or is a powerful telekinetic who is able to see us and make the animals react.

Torch: Yeah, you never know these days. Isn't there a hero who can control squirrels or something like that?

Pepper: Squirrel Girl, and yes. I wouldn't mention the desk drawer thing to Agent Hill, she might actually start locking it better and then where would you be?

Thor: The giant bear in Jan's room has been destroyed, but has anyone seen Bruce?

Darcy: Wait, didn't someone mention him taking a giant stuffed elephant?...

Kid Goblin: Oh don't worry, Miss Potts. I have no intention of telling her that. Did you know sticking these things with live wires makes them catch on fire then explode? So cool!

Coulson: Something tells me we need to keep an even closer watch on that kid. Someone go try and find Dr. Banner, or the Hulk, now!

Deadpool: Hey, Squirrel Girl is the toughest super in existence. Just ask the official Marvel Comics database!

Tony:...How did that guy get a com and what is he talking about?

Jan: He stole mine for ten seconds and no idea. I think I heard Hulk outside.

Natasha: The Hulk just piledrived the stuffed elephant. I must say, that stuffed animal is putting up a good fight. Should I step in and help the Hulk?

Pepper: Siryn just called. She said if Deadpool didn't get back there within six minutes he was banned from grape soda for a week, whatever that means.

Deadpool: Gotta go!

Jan: Dang it! Why couldn't he steal someone else's com?

Hank: Moving on, I've located Spidey. He was tied up in the basement and, ironically, guarded by a horde of stuffed spiders. Requesting assistance in saving him.

Kid Goblin: Sounds fun. Ironic deathtraps are always defeated in the coolest ways...or at least that's what all your mission reports say...

Coulson: I never should have let him help with the filing. Hank, can you get to Spider-Man?

Tony: You let a teenager near the mission reports? No wonder he knows how this stuff goes... Anyways, I'm headed for the basement now. Any ideas on who's doing this?

Loki: No, but if it's Dr. Doom I want mocking rights!

Thor: Brother, everyone gets to mock villains equally, and you know it. Sif and Volstagg are doing battle with what appear to be animated Disney animals. Wasp is watching in a sort of terror-I think it's how the Pumbaa went down.

Natasha: Sir, I don't think Fury will be happy about you letting the teenage son of a supervillain near the mission reports...Carry on, Kid Goblin.

Hank: Jan! Snap out of it! Yes, I think I can get to Spidey...He seems to be in some sort of shock, requesting Tony get his butt down here asap for back-up.

Sif: The Wasp is doing battle with what looks to be a stuffed beaver. Midgard is getting stranger by the minute, and yet I find myself becoming amused. Is that normal, Thor?

Jane: Pretty much, Sif. You learn to just go with it after awhile. I'm hiding from a stuffed wolf that looks a lot like Fenrir, any of you guys close enough to help me? I'm in the downstairs bathroom near the gym.

Tony: On my way. And it looks like the stuffed wolf just got chased out by the real deal. Loki, how do your kids keep getting in here?

Loki: The same way as me, of course. And really, Black Widow, we're going to judge Kid Goblin on his father now? Isn't that rather...uncalled for? :(

Jan: Note that the question is loaded, Natasha. And I think I saw someone run down the hall towards Tony's workshop. I'll follow them.

Thor: Sif and Fandral are going to come and help you, Wasp. I gave them directions. Any word on the rescue of Spider-Man? Was the deathtrap defeated ironically, as Kid Goblin predicted?

Hank: Actually yes, Thor. I managed to get Spidey untied, and then he webbed the stuffed spiders together so they couldn't scatter, thus making it easy for Tony to incinerate them.

Natasha: No comment, Loki.

Fandral: Lady Sif, Wasp, and I have captured the intruder. I have no idea who this person is...

Coulson: On my way to make an ID. And why is Fenrir covered in stuffing and looking suspiciously pleased with himself?

Hank: Good, because I have no idea who this pipsqueak is...and he tried to bit Spidey when Spidey pinned him.

Coulson: Everyone, our perpetrator is none other than Kristoff Vernard, aka Dr. Doom's protégé. I wonder what the good doctor would have to say about a scheme this...odd.

Loki: Wait. Go back. Dr. Doom has a protégé? Someone was willing to learn something from that man?

Kid Goblin: Speaking of the world's most hated super-villain...JARVIS says he's at the door. And he looks "miffed" (AI's words, not mine).

Clint: Sounds like Kirs is grounded! ;) ...Wait, can we turn the kid over to him? I mean, sure he's probably a Latverian citizen and he'd probably end up in Ju-V instead of jail, but are we allowed to hand him over to a super-villain?

Jane: Are you okay, Spidey? Did he actually manage to bite you?

Spider: Nah, I'm good. Currently sitting on Kris until we decide whether we're allowed to give this kid back to Dr. Doom.

Natasha: A good question, Clint. Coulson?

Bruce: Okay, I'm back. Is it clear for me to head to my room to get some new clothes on?

Darcy: Okay, I got to ask, how did Kris pull this off? Does he have the power to animate stuffed animals?

Loki: No, apparently he stole some of Doom's spell books (I vote we raid that place if his diplomatic immunity ever shorts out for a bit). Looks like he's in for it if we hand him over.

Coulson: Got a call from the Justice Department-we have to hand him over. I'm going to come get him and take him to Doom.

Kid Goblin: If you all need me I'm hiding in Spidey's room-Doom knows my dad.

Steve: JARVIS says he's hearing Doom mutter phrases like "grounded until the cosmos rots". I almost feel sorry for the kid.

Clint: Yeah, you're good to put some pants on, Bruce. Heard you pile-drived a stuffed elephant, so be aware that the video of that will be added to the movie night rotation.

Jane: I'll hide in there with you, KG. Do you still have that Scrabble game you rescued from the last game night?

Spider: I have it! It should be under the bed somewhere...Hold on, I'll come help you find it.

Thor: Yes, I too am feeling sorry for the boy, even though his prank caused much damage to the flooring. It seems that Doom has many unusual spell books in his collection.

*back on the wall*

You know, with all the videos we have of us doing odd things we might not be able to show any actual movies at movie night anymore-Bruce

I require a reminder as to why stealing is wrong. Especially if it's stealing spell books from an evil, stalking, insane dictator. Hurry up, so I can decide before he gets back to his castle...  
>Loki<p>

No, Loki. It's very wrong and depletes the Avenger's ability to hold the moral high ground (which you are barely standing on anyways). If you're so eager for new spells, go bother Dr. Strange.  
>Coulson<p>

I don't think Spidey and Kid Goblin actually know the scrabble rules. Spidey scored triple points on "Timelord" and insisted it was one word.  
>Jane<p>

Tony: And that just shows that it's never boring around here. I'm thinking of putting together a bloopers DVD and selling it on e-bay. Everyone's thoughts?

ABSOLUTELY NOT! -Pepper

Yes, I agree with Pepper. The weird things that go on in the mansion should be for our amusement only.  
>Steve<p>

Spider: It is too one word! Don't you watch Doctor Who?

Do it and die painfully, Stark.  
>Loki<p>

Well, Thor, it seems you live quite the interesting life of Midgard...thought Loki throwing threats like ^ that around does worry me.  
>Volstagg<p>

Wow, you guys are still here? And yeah, he kind of does it a lot, but we know when he really means it.  
>Jan<p>

Yes, we're still here. Hiemdall might not open the Bifrost for a while, though, thanks to this little incident.  
>Sif<p>

Kid Goblin: Is 'prolatariate' even a word? And I'm pretty sure that 'Dalek' isn't in a dictionary, Spidey, so I vote that it doesn't count!

Are you just saying that because Spider put that word on a triple word score? -Hank

NO!  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Fandral: You can almost see the shifty look on Kid Goblin's face...:)

It doesn't, matter if Dalek's a word, going by what I can tell from the internet it's a proper noun. Sorry Spidey, you lose points. Proletariat is a word, though.  
>Darcy<p>

It's the name of a species, how is that a proper noun?  
>Spider-Man<p>

Loki-Spider, take off Dalek. If Sif and I can't use words in Norse, you don't get that one.

But...you can't use words in Norse because you don't have the right tiles, not because-okay, I'm going to go make Norse Scrabble if they're going to be here for awhile. Hey, Hogun, can you help?

Hogun:...Yes.

I shall assist you, Tony. Also, Loki would probably just use magic to change the tiles so that Norse words are possible. -Thor

Tony: I see your point. Hey Pepper, do you think there would be a market out there for Norse Scrabble?

I suggest talking to your marketing advisors, Tony. That's what I'm pretty sure they're there for.  
>Bruce<p>

...But calling Pepper is easier!-Tony

So, is everything here just crisis - calm time - crisis - calm time or some such routine?  
>Volstagg<p>

Pretty much. It might be one of the reasons i like it here, now that I think about it...and if you'll excuse me, the other reason just came in and wants to go on a date. Bye!  
>Loki<p>

I think that was code for "Darcy's dragging me to a coffee shop", don't you? Anyway, Spider-Aunt called and me and Spidey have to go home.  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Oh, KG, before you leave- star-pound-star on your cell phone now connects right to JARVIS. You know, since you were worried about the whole 'your dad's a super-villain' thing. You're welcome. :D  
>Tony<p>

Pepper: It might be popular in Norway, but I'm not sure about the rest of the world. There might be a market for Norse Scrabble as a tool for learning another language, but I'll have to do a survey to check that.

Yeah, things are never dull around here, that's for sure. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go kidnap Hank from his rebuilt lab for some 'alone time' :D -Jan

Kid Goblin: Thanks! And Jane, thanks for the tips on how to hide from random super-villains!

No problem. By the way, Scrabble rematch next game night!  
>Jane<p>

Bruce: Guys! We missed one of the stuffed animals! Be on the look out for a fluffy dolphin!

Oh...I thought it was a prank of Tony's using mini-hover-robots or something. I shot the porpoise several times.  
>Natasha<p>

All right, so let's try to get things running as smooth as possible until the inevitable next random-thing-involving villains. I'll go get groceries and see how our PR's doing.  
>Clint<p>

I guess we should settle thing down a bit. I know I want to finish that new processing chip for the company 9aka Pepper will kill me if I don't).  
>Tony<p>

Coulson-All right, I'll want mission statements on the chaos that Kristoff boy caused within 72 hours. Other than that, try and do whatever it is you think needs doing.


	15. Chaos Recovery and Babysitting Gigs!

Hi again! Thanks for all the awesome reviews everyone! here's some more fun with everyone's favorite dysfunctional heroes and friends!  
>general zargon and I do not own any of these characters. Marvel does. We're just letting them write on bathroom walls for us.<p>

Read and review!  
>.o.o.o.<p>

Chapter 15 Chaos Recovery and Babysitting Gigs!

.o.o.o.

Thor: Jane and I will be unavailable for the next three hours. That is all I'm allowed to say.

I'll clean up what remains of the fluffy animal attack...and why is there a huge pile of stuffing in one of the spare bedrooms? I don't remember there being a fight in that room...-Bruce

*In shaky writing* Fenrir: MINE!

Okay, okay! Everyone, stay clear of the mountain of stuffing. Apparently it belongs to Fenrir.  
>Bruce<p>

...The wolf has figured out writing? I mean, he's Loki's kid, so being smart isn't too far-fetched but...how's he do ti without thumbs?  
>Jan<p>

Better question, how did he claim a spare room without anyone noticing? I'm going to go check the security cameras...  
>Steve<p>

Clint: We've had weirder, Steve, and you know it. All right, let's see, I think I'm going to head to the training room and shoot stuff. That's something that "needs doing", am I right? ;)

Cute, Clint, really cute. I texted Darcy to check and see if the Starbucks still has any Christmas Roast for sale. That coffee is so good...  
>Pepper<br>PS: Thank you for actually doing work, Tony. Everyone at the company appreciates it.

Hank: He's Loki's kid. As far as I'm concerned, that explains it all. By the way, I'm ordering new appliances and furniture to replace those lost in the fluffy emergency. Any preferences?

A blue couch...Oo, and a wooden coffee table this time! That glass-topped one was a real pain to clean up. -Jane

Natasha: Pepper's right, someone from R&D sent me a text to say that they were throwing a 'Tony-is-actually-doing-work' party and I was invited. Apparently there will be tiny tacos available...

Oh hey, think we can upgrade the training room while we're ordering stuff? It needs better targets. :)  
>Clint<p>

Yay-tiny tacos! I hope she brings some back! Oh, yeah, we're back. School was fine.  
>Spider-Man<p>

*shaky writing* I steal a pen and hold it in my mouth. I also have five highlighters!  
>Fenrir<br>PS: Spidey & Goblin want to play?

We're on the roof. We grabbed Clint and we're playing Frisbee with Fenrir. Coulson, I think he was serious about the targets-Kid Goblin

Why are all the 'ads' on 'TV' so loud on Midgard? Must their actors scream above those in ordinary programs? I keep asking Lady Pepper to lower the volume-it hurts my ears!  
>Volstagg<p>

Tony: It's to grab people's attention, or maybe make them so deaf that they don't know what they're buying. I've never been quite sure about that.  
>P.S. Guys, that was just cold! I do so work!<p>

So THAT'S where my highlighters went! Oh well, at least they were stolen for a good cause. -Jane

Darcy: Did I read that Natasha is bringing back tiny tacos? Awesome! Me and Loki must have gotten back just in time. :)

In the interest of preserving the landscape, the training will now be equipped with moving, stationary, and dummy targets. Also, there will be distracting trumpet music to help Clint sharpen his focus.  
>Coulson<br>P.S. Has the new couch arrived yet?

It's okay, Tony. We still love you.  
>Steve<p>

Clint" Now, Tony, read that as "Steve loves you" because I'm still mad that you don't ask before taking my bow to update it. Seriously, is asking that hard?

Coulson, get targets now. Clint keeps killing our Frisbees-Kid Goblin  
>PS: Thanks for giving me the mask, too. People might wonder why I'm on the Avengers roof otherwise.<p>

Hi guys, we're back. Loki's having a bit of a drama moment-apparently Fenrir never told Daddy he could write.  
>Darcy<p>

I read you on the targets. I ordered the ones Clint has trouble destroying. Also...how long ago was Darcy's note? Loki is still standing here staring at his son's handiwork.  
>Coulson<p>

Tony: Yes. You're never around when I get the urge to update your bow, and you're lousy at checking your messages when not on a mission!

Your welcome. -Natasha  
>P.S. Why don't you make that into another game? See how many Frisbees you can get by Clint while the targets are being set up? Or how many Fenrir can snatch out of the air before Clint shoots them?<p>

I think it was around an hour ago...And now it's just getting creepy. Yes, Loki, that means your staring!  
>Bruce<br>P.S. I'm going over to visit Betty. Don't expect to see me for at least a day.

Darcy: Don't worry, guys, I'm sure Loki will snap out of it when he hears out when Fenrir is doing NOW. :P

I'm helping! XD -Fenrir

Wow, Thor gets Loki out of here and Fenrir comes and writes a note that breaks the guy all over again. Natasha, Loki wants to sue you for advocating child endangerment.  
>Jane<p>

...Wouldn't it be demigod-genius-wolf-puppy endangerment? I mean, I guess on some levels that could be worse... Yeah, Loki and Clint are yelling at each other now, so Spidey and I are going to introduce Fenrir to Comedy Central.  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Thor: Loki is now blasting and Clint shooting. I'm headed to the roof to break it up.

Can we wait until Loki gets shot a time or two?  
>Sif<p>

Coulson: No Avenger is allowed to sue another one. Beat the living daylights out of each other? Yes. Sue? No.

Nope, sorry Sif. The argument on the roof has interrupted me and Hank's alone time, so that means Thor has to break it up NOW. -Jan

Spider-Man: Uh hey, I don't mean to sound ungrateful or anything, but why are there two Darcys in the living room? And why is one of them naked?

Shield Fenrir's eyes!  
>Loki<br>P.S. The naked one is probably Amora.

Hi, I dragged Fenrir and Vali (no clue where he came from) in here. Spidey went to fight Amora with Black Widow-she looked mad about being dragged away from that party. And I don't think I should write down what Darcy was yelling...  
>Kid Goblin<p>

KG's a lot of fun! I vote Kid Goblin be designated as having super-babysitting powers so he's here more often!-Vali  
>PS: Fenrir agrees with me<p>

Took the pen back. Ignore what the kid wrote. Those are some...ominous blasting sounds I hear. I wonder what's going on. I also wonder what shows we're missing...  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Crisis averted, Amora's gone, and I have retrieved my progeny. I now have a concrete plan for covering Kid Goblin's absences from his father as well:  
>I will pose as a fake businessperson (with an extra spell to make people think it's a real one) in some field Kid Goblin has shown mild interest in. I will then, using what knowledge I have on the Green Goblin, convince Kid Goblin's father to let Kid Goblin "babysit" said fake businessperson's children. Kid Goblin, you will recieve twenty dollars an hour when actually babysitting. As will Spider-Man, since he seems good at it too. Come find me so we can finalize this...and I'll tell you how the brief fight went.<br>Loki

Tony-You know, I thought someone would write a mini-contract up here one day...always thought it'd be Pepper...

Clint: You missed an episode of America's Funniest. But don't worry, it was a re-run.

I was going to, but then the 'lingerie incident' happened and I forgot about it. -Pepper  
>P.S. And no, there are no tapes of the above incident, so no one bother asking.<p>

Thor: I am glad that I wasn't needed to drive Amora away, but why did she look like Darcy, and why was she naked?

Two very good questions, Thor. Was she trying to seduce Loki? -Hank

Jan: Never mind that, I want to know how that party went, Natasha! And thanks again for bringing back those tiny tacos! :)

Loki, I'd like to negotiate the terms of the contracts, notably I'd like an addition of hazard pay. Meet in the video game room?  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Okay, so KG can talk business, who knew? Damn it Pepper, you're sure there's no footage?  
>Clint<p>

Loki's a little busy, KG. Darcy's still pretty mad about being impersonated and said impersonation being naked. Maybe Amora really wanted Darcy pissed off for some reason? Because she's really, really mad...  
>Jane<p>

Hank: At least Spidey and Jan are appeased by the tiny tacos. Sorry I took so long, there was something I wanted to check in the lab.

Natasha: The party went fine. Some of the R&D guys got drunk and started 'I'm too sexy for my shirt'. And no, they were NOT too sexy for their shirts.

Hey, I'm back. Anything interesting happen while I was visiting Betty? -Bruce

Fenrir: I like the tiny tacos! XD

What were you working on, Hank?  
>Spider-Man<p>

Black Widow, you poor thing...you don't happen to have video evidence of those guys? I need something translated from LEET and need blackmail with which to do that.-Loki

Well, let me see, Bruce, just Amora impersonating me, the *censored with black marker*, and a short fight after that. And Kid Goblin might be Vali and Fenrir's new babysitter.  
>Darcy<p>

I'm actually warming up to the babysitter idea. I mean, they know me, and I could totally use it as an excuse for my dad not to make me observe his meetings...or him firing people and being an ass about it. It's kind of scary.  
>Kid Goblin<br>PS: Wow, I actually forgot for a second there that my dad's a super villain. It's having issues sinking in all the way, I guess.

Coulson-Well, we're investigating your father, but there's no evidence that we can prove wasn't gotten in a technically illegal manner (since we got the information on his ID from Spider-Man, a masked vigilante, which counts primarily as hearsay). This could take awhile...

Thank you so much for talking about arresting my friend's dad. Now he's having an angst moment—Spidey

Natasha: Sending the video to your phone now, Loki. :)

Ah. So the usual then? -Bruce

Hank: Yeah, pretty much. And on a side note, I have rediscovered the meaning of irony!

What happened, Hank, and will someone get kidnapped before we can fix it?  
>Clint<p>

Don't worry, Spidey. Jan, Darcy, and I are going to cheer KG up right now. :) –Jane

Hank-Oh, no, nothing bad. Just some chemicals I'm working with. Though the thing I wanted to be a step towards a cancer cure seems more like super detergent right now...

They gave me tickets to that new action movie! Sweet! Spidey, we're taking Vali and Fenrir-Fenrir can play seeing-eye-dog again.  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Yeah., I was trying to get the tickets for a rom-com and bought the wrong ones. felt someone ought to use them-Jan

...Wait, by the contract terms, that means I'm paying Kid Goblin and Spider twenty bucks an hour to go to the movies! Those conniving little...aw, I'm so proud! :D  
>Loki<br>PS: My bet is two people going missing for two hours. Namely, myself and Darcy somewhere nice for lunch. Bye!

Well, with the Bifrost finally fixed, the Warriors 3 and I are going home. Farewell, everyone!—Sif

Thor: Farewell! Please feel free to visit anytime! :D

Will it get those really tough blood stains out? -Natasha

Jan: No clue, but it should be fun to find out. :P

No bet, Loki. We all know you're planning on doing that anyway.  
>Clint<p>

Bruce: Don't look now, but I think something's up with Tony's lab...

Wow, we leave him alone for five minutes...I'm going to check on him.-Steve

You know, I think it might. So at least there's a market for it. I wonder if isolating the phosphates so they actually attack improperly multiplying cells by knowing if they're viral would work...or maybe re-code the ammonia helix so it's no as bad to have in your system...  
>Hank<p>

Jan-Hank, sweetie, stop writing your attempted cancer cures on walls. It makes you look weird.  
>PS: Hey, how long has it been since Steve's message?<p> 


	16. Evil Blobs and KFC Battles!

Wow this took awhile! Firs we didn't have enough, and then the KFC story went rapid-fire messaging and there was nowhere I could break! So you get a huge chpater that's mostly msissions! Yay!

general zargon and I don't own the Avengers, Marvel does. Enjoy, and don;t forget to review!

.o.o.o.

Evil Blobs and KFC Battles!

.o.o.o.

Clint: I think it's been about a hour, maybe an hour an a half...Who wants to be the one to go check on 'em?

As opposed to writing quadratic equations on napkins? Tony does that one, by the way. -Pepper  
>P.S. As I don't have super powers, I disqqualify myself from going to Tony's lab.<p>

Just because you don't have super powers doesn't mean you are exempt from going to check on someone.  
>Coulson<p>

Jane: When did you get here, Coulson?

Awesome movie. I'm telling you this because Vali and Fenrir have insisted on reenacting the fight scenes in the living room. Against Clint. With pillows. And the couch cushions.  
>I think it's in revenge for wrecking all those Frisbees...<br>Spider-Man  
>PS: Crap, now Kid Goblin's helping them...with friends like these...<p>

Recently. I pulled Loki's kids off Clint-they've retreated to Fenrir's room to see if they can make a fort out of the fluff pile. Anyone checked on Rogers and Stark yet?  
>Coulson<p>

Oh, you're all babies. I'll do it if it's that important...  
>Darcy<p>

Betty: Don't forget Bruce! He went to check on them first and never came back! :(

Don't worry, I'm sure all three of them are fine...Unless one of Tony's inventions went haywire, and then they might be in trouble. -Pepper

Darcy: First off, sorry I doubted you guys. Apparently Bruce, Tony, and Steve ARE in trouble. At the moment, they're fighting a giant pink blob of what looks like strawberry Jell-O...What are we going to do about this?

Wow, that is some ticked off Jell-O...  
>Kid Goblin<br>P.S. Do we know if that stuff can replicate? You know, like in all those movies were the big blob breaks into a bunch of smaller blobs that then wreak havoc?

Okay, that would be kind of awesome, actually, if it hadn't trapped you, me, and Wasp in here!  
>Spider-Man<p>

Trapped? Speak for yourselves, boys, I can shrink and get out an air duct! See ya!-Jan

...Why did she feel the need to write that out?  
>Kid Goblin<br>PS: We'd better not get in trouble if Fenrir and Vali get into something right now. We can't babysit if we're stuck four floors away from them!...I'm bored, too.

*on mission coms*

Tony: So...first, I'd like to say this isn't totally my fault.

Loki: I don't even need to be the God of Lies to know that's not true.

*On bathroom wall* Spider-Man: Want to find a blank piece of wall and have a tic-tac-toe tournament?

*Also on wall* Sure! Loser has to do the winner's homework for a week! -Kid Goblin

*Back to mission coms*

Tony: Yeah? Well you're also the God of Fire, but I fail to see how that really matters at the moment!

Steve: Loki's various occupations aside, I really think we should up with a strategy to deal with this, preferably before one of us gets absorbed...

Loki: Fair enough, Captain. I suppose I could always freeze it into little pink Jell-O cicles, but that would likely be a short-term fix at best, considering this is all Tony's fault.

*On wall*

Why'd you x-out my last message?  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Think if my aunt saw it...or anyone in authority really. Now come on, it's only 4-5  
>Spider-Man<p>

*mission coms*

Tony: You did not just say this is all my fault.

Loki: Yes I did. I would also like to add that as this is your fault, should you not have a solution?

Black Widow: Loki, stop snarking. Tony, start thinking.

Thor: Thank you so much for reminding me of my brother's preteen pyromania phase...

*On wall*

Good point. The bet still stands though! -Kid Goblin

Fine by me. You are soooo going down!  
>Spider-Man<p>

*Mission coms*

Steve: Sorry Thor. We probably don't want to know what happened during Loki's teen years, do we?

Thor: Let us just say that it was very traumatic for everyone involved and leave it at that...

Loki: I will have you know that that outhouse WAS eventually rebuilt.

Hank: First things first. Tony, what were the ingredients you used to create the crazed Jell-O?

*on wall*

So...it's been 15 minutes and we aren't saved. Being teenagers, we are now very bored, and whoever rescues us will probably be assaulted with that boredom...  
>Spider-Man<p>

Wow...bored during a monster attack...we are so weird-Kid Goblin

*on coms*

Hulk: Where Spidey and KG?

Loki: Good question...

Jan: Hi guys, oh, they're trapped in the bathroom. We might need to go rescue them before they go insane from boredom.

Loki: I know the feeling...

Steve: Tony? Any tome now!

Jane: Hey guys, I managed to get into the bathroom and rescue KG and Spidey. We're now heading to the roof to see if some of the Jell-O spawn managed to make it out into the street. By the way, why is over half the bathroom covered in tic-tac-toe games?

Spider-Man:...No reason...

Jan: Riiiiiight...

Tony: You can almost see Jan rolling her eyes...Hank, I just sent you the formula that resulted in the mutated Jell-O.

Hank: This isn't good by any stretch of the imagination.

Loki: All right, Kid Goblin, if you''l be so kind as to check on my children, that would be great. Spider, I have a plan. We must acquire ground coffee and baking soda.

Spider-Man: Okay then...and KG's headed up the stairs

Tony: So, apparently Spidey's so traumatized by boredom he can't even quip about Loki's crazy plans.

Hank: Actually...going by the formula of the jello-thing, I think Loki's right about needing baking soda. No clue what he wants the coffee for, though.

Thor: Well, I can hear him doing his "evil laugh" from here, if that helps.

Clint: Hey guys, any particular reason the mansion is overrun with ticked off Jell-O? I just used up the last of my freeze-arrows on the smaller ones.

Kid Goblin: Vali and Fenrir are okay. Apparently they've been focused on building a fortress out of the fluff pile and haven't noticed anything unusual.

Steve:...Okay then. Loki, can I borrow some of the ground coffee? I missed my morning cup because of the Jell-O crisis.

Jan: Clint, just stay up there, the Jell-O infestation is worse down here. And while you're there, can you check and see if we're out of chocolate ice cream?

Tony:...I think I get what the baking soda thing, but I'm appropriating the ground coffee unless it's necessary for our continued survival (and maybe even then).

Thor: Loki? Brother? You stopped laughing and we got worried. Oh, now where has he gone?

Loki: I have successfully eliminated all of Tony Stark's favorite coffee from the mansion! April Fools! Oh, and the rest was used with the baking soda as a way of dissolving the creature-the thing I glean from high school textbooks, huh?-and so therefore...we're all out of coffee except for whatever is left in the top kitchen cabinet. Bye!

Tony: I'll kill him! even if he got rid of that thing I'll kill him!

Spider-Man: It's worse than that. It's April Fool's day and we're in the same building as the God of Mischief.

Kid Goblin: I'm safe, since I'm babysitting his kids. Good luck to you guys!

Jan: Why you-!

Clint: And even more bad news, we're out of chocolate ice cream and doritos.

Hank: Now that the rampaging Jell-O is cleared up, I'm heading into town for a quick grocery run. And yes, I will be picking up ice cream and chips.

Bruce: I'm back!...Why am I covered in pink goop?

Tony: Okay, going from Peter's minor-warning, I propose we treat Loki's coming trick storm like a mission.

Clint: Hey Bruce! We defeated evil jello and now Loki's on an April Fools' spree, but hey, it could be fun. At least Loki doesn't want to kill like the jello!

Thor: You really don't want to hear about what my brother did when he first discovered the existence of this holiday then, do you?

Steve: I'll be a sucker and bite. Thor, what do you think we're in for?

Darcy: Um, why did Jan just walk by muttering something about pudding and mascara?

Jane: You really don't want to know...

Bruce: I'm glad nothing unusual happened then. Excuse me while I go track down an intact shirt.

Thor:...Do you remember hearing of an island called Atlantis?

Coulson: Yes I have, Thor. Loki, if you're listening to this, you are in for it!

Tony: Wait...April Fools day is pretty recent...how did Loki sink Atlantis way back then?

Thor: Oh, our mother had a prophetic vision about the eventual existence of the holiday among mortals and Loki had a little trouble containing his...joy. To be fair, we were about the age of Midgardian middle-schoolers and he didn't sink it as much as set in motion the events that led to the sinking...mostly using confetti, rice, and and a well-aimed slingshot.

Jan: I'm going to go sting that jerk! Wait..he helped sink Atlantis as a preteen?

Tony: Okay, as everyone can tell by the cheap laugh track being played through the ear-pieces, Loki had apparently ditched his com somewhere near a TV.

Darcy: Don't worry, I'll make sure Loki doesn't do anything too bad.

Pepper: I found Loki's com...and the T.V. was turned to some old sitcom that half the world has probably never heard of.

Thor: Yes. What's for dinner?

Hank: I've restocked the kitchen, so I guess it's up to you guys to decide the menu.

*back on the wall*

Kid Goblin: I vote mac & cheese!

Spider-Man: And I say chicken! And Fenrir agrees with me!

I think Darcy failed; the cabinets are full of noodle-sculptures that look like food.-Tony

Loki-Sorry everyone, I just felt I'd been neglecting my god of mischief title for too long and was so overjoyed by the holiday that I went a bit crazy. Banner, your lab thing won't be on the ceiling by morning, Rogers, the pink streamers blocking your door should be gone by morning if not I'm sure something in the building can cut them, and Kid Goblin, I have the suggestion of the name "Imp" because someone will probably decode the messages if we leave it at your current nickname despite my magical scrambling and please watch my kids for the night. Bye, I have a date!

Jane: And we have a new record for longest post! I think.

Kid Goblin (call me Imp and go die): Okay, if anyone has a better name say it, otherwise I'm keeping this one. I'm driving Spidey, Vali, and Fenrir to KFC for chicken and macaroni and cheese.

Jan: I dunno, go back and check on some of Tony's old posts and compare!

That, and he didn't want Malekith to come back and try to steal it again...  
>Darcy<p>

...Kid Greenie? :P -Clint

Thor: I like the noodle sculpture that looks like Volstagg. The likeness is truly amazing!

Well, if he's so good at that kind of thing, maybe Loki can make up for this bout of crazy by teaching arts and crafts for little kids, then.  
>Steve<p>

Torture by kindergartners? I love it!-Tony  
>PS: We can't check the old posts, remember? We clean this wall monthly, people. And By "we" I mean "Steve"<p>

Natasha: How about Green Kid? He does own what looks like a green Spidey-mask in case of villain break-ins-wait, what's that noise? Wait no crisis, Tony must have reprogrammed my text alerts to play loud noises. Wait, no, crisis, I just checked the message. Spider-Man, Kid Goblin, Vali, and Fenrir somehow ran into KG's father at KFC. And now...(Spidey needs to text better, this is unreadable) someone attacked the place and since KG's father is there Spidey has no way of sneaking off to save the place. So, we need to go save a KFC. And teach Spidey to not text in such an odd manner.

...Is it bad that I'm focusing on how that might have just beaten Loki's post length over the "KFC under attack" thing? I mean, I'm gonna go help...  
>Clint<p>

*On coms*

Jan: Compare post lengths later, save the KFC now!

Thor: I am forced to agree, Clint. Saving teammates comes before seeing who has the largest wall post record.

Tony: By the way, who's attacking the fried chicken place? And who would WANT to?

Hank: Not to make light of things, but what was KG's father doing at a KFC in the first place?

Tony: Maybe he chipped the kid or something to track him. wouldn't surprise me if he did-guy's a control freak.

Thor: One, Tony, I am reminded of a proverb regarding a kettle and pot. Two, how would a bag of chips aid him in finding his son? Three, why would he wish to randomly track his son?

Natasha: You can use microchips to track people. Ask Clint-he was chipped during a yearling mission in the Appalachian mountains. As for why...that's a mystery.

Loki: I'm a bit concerned myself. Vali knows how to teleport himself and Fenrir-they could at the very least have gotten out, and you know Spider and Imp would have told them to get out if they could.

Clint: Wow, Loki, you didn't see KG's threat about "Imp" huh?

Pepper: Thor's right, Tony. You have no room to talk. I'll get off the com. now.

Steve: Maybe KG's father is there and Vali can't teleport in front of him?

Loki: First of all, I got his warning, I just don't care. From now on, I shall refer to Kid Goblin as "Imp"...at least until I come up with something better. Second of all, who is around shouldn't matter, if Vali and Fenrir are in danger, they should teleport and that's all there is to it!

Clint: I vote we table that argument until we can get back to the bathroom wall. And besides, we've arrived and...who is that attacking the KFC?

Thor: Well, one would think my nephews would like to keep a babysitter they don't mind too much, and teleporting could jeopardize that. They weren't too happy when you had to have Sif watch them that one time...

Tony: Coming up on the KFC. Couple of villains-I call Scorpion! I owe hi for trying to melt my armor last time!

Steve: I'll take Mysterio then-wait. Rhino and Shocker are here too. And I think I saw Vulture. Why exactly are all of Spider-Man's villains here?

Clint: They got mad because Green Goblin is the main nemesis and found out he was at an undefended fast food place?

Loki: A good point, Thor. I'll have a talk with Vali and Fenrir later. Oh, and I call dibs on Mysterio.

Tony: Steve already did! You have to pick between Rhino, Shocker, or Vulture!

Natasha: Either that, Clint, or they all suddenly got a craving for chicken and decided to destroy the place because they ran out of sauce?

Steve: I can actually see that happening...

Loki: very well, Rhino, he's fun to trick...you know, Rogers is right. Most of Spider's villains are deranged enough for that plan, poor boy...

Deadpool: Hi there! I broke in and took one of the com-thingys! see, I know what's actually going on here (other than the nice writers wanting a fight scene). Anyway, do you really want to know why all these villains are here?

Tony: Maybe later, but for now, give me back my tech before I blast you into the atmosphere!

Deadpool: Aw, listen to the love, I can totally feel it. Anyway, see, they're here because the Green Goblin's here. Yay, Hawkeye gets two points (still behind me by a hundred of course!). So, you get to play save the bad guy AND save the Spidey!

Steve: ...dead god, don't tell me he knows who Spider-Man is...

Deadpool: Of course I do! I read comics (and the earlier chapters-hey, little yellow boxes!), cool huh?

Jan: I call dibs on Vulture, and Hank's helping me! Oh, and hi, Deadpool. Don't touch my frozen yogurt if you value your gentleman parts!

Deadpool:...Okay.

Thor: You just put the yogurt back, didn't you? Oh, and I shall face the one called 'Shocker' I suppose.

Deadpool: Yup!

Pepper: Deadpool, Siryn called and told me to tell you that if you don't give back the communicator, she won't model the new lingerie she bought for you. How does she always know when you steal a com.?

Deadpool: Well, Cable probably tells her, telepathic buddies do that sometimes...Ooh, pretty light-show between Shocker and Thor!

Loki: Rhino's dealt with, I'm going in. Any specifics on what I am and am not allowed to do the imp  
>s father or do I get to improvise?<p>

Steve: Loki, no improvising! Just figure out the most acceptable action-acceptable by the team's standards, not your own-and take it.

Loki: He and Hobgoblin are fighting by the counter. Spider, Imp, and my children are sneaking out the back...poor Imp, the boy looks mortified, well, his father did bring weaponry to a fast food restaurant...I think I'll just freeze them both and sort it out later.

Hank: Vulture is down and complaining loudly about how he's too old for this...would it be unprofessional if I fell down laughing right about now?

Tony: Yeah, people tend to frown on heroes laughing at villains so hard their sides hurt - and I would know! Oh, and Scorpion is down for the count.

Deadpool: Wait, what was that about Siryn buying new lingerie?

Steve: Mysterio is unconscious - is there any particular reason he had a hologram cube of a giant piece of cheese prepared?

Clint: Thor just took down Shocker, and hey, if Siryn gets mad at Deadpool then does that mean I have a shot with her?

Coulson: Clint, I have a com you know.

Clint: Joking! Seriously, joking! ...Deadpool's chasing me now. With swords. Little help?

Loki: You know, I've been sitting in this establishment for five minutes with two frozen super villains, my traumatized children, my children's also traumatized babysitter who is one of the super villain's spawn, and Spider who is very happy I magically put him in his costume so he can hopefully hit one or both of those two when they thaw.

Steve: Ladies and gentlemen, I believe this is what is known as a PR disaster...darn it Jan, I just told Hank not to laugh!

Natasha: The police just arrived, I think we can head back to the mansion now and let them deal with the frozen and unconscious super villains.

Bruce: In regards to the hologram of giant cheese - I have no clue. Mysterio is just plain weird? Oh, and Loki, since you're already in the KFC, can you bring back some fried chicken fingers?

Jan: It's not Hank's fault! Vulture started going on about how things went 'in my day' and the guy looks like he's 24!

Loki: Oh, very well. I think my children and Imp deserve a little treat, at any rate. By the way, are we actually going to help the archer or just let him run around until it looks like Deadpool will actually catch him?


	17. KG's Woe, Loki's Lawsuit, and Fish Fun!

This one was fun, but took a little editing (I seem to keep hitting semicolons instead of apostrophes lately when I IM...). Anyways, general Zargon and I hope you enjoy!

.o.o.o.

Chapter 17-KG's Woe, Loki's Lawsuit, and Fish Fun!

.o.o.o.

*back on the wall*

I am never ever going to KFC again...without my web-shooters, at least.  
>Spider-Man<br>PS: Deadpool has been distracted from chasing Hawkeye by annoying me. Please help.

Just read the above notes and Loki, if you keep calling me Imp, I'll double my fee. Also, you owe me eleven-forty-six for your kids' food.-KID GOBLIN  
>PS: I'm coming, Spidey!<p>

Hank-Jan still has the giggles. I think we're going to head home for a bit. She hasn't seen her dad in awhile anyways.

Pepper: Tony stark, Steve Rogers, and Thor-in my office, NOW. Do you have any idea the media circus your KFC madness caused? I'm have to inform their managers that Stark Industries has nothing against them, for one thing...

To be fair, Loki was the one who froze that cash register when he was aiming for the Hobgoblin—Tony

Jane: Thank you all for bringing the chicken back, even if you had to traumatize the manager of a fast food restaurant to do it. :)

The yellow freak was faster than expected, that is all I will say on that. And Imp, you already signed a contract and can't change your fee just because you don't like what I call you. -Loki *Insert picture of a smiley face with an evil grin here*

WADE! Either you stop annoying the Avengers and come back, or you are banished to the couch for a month and I'll confiscate your Golden Girls DVDs!  
>Siryn<p>

Darcy: Hi, Siryn!

Deadpool-Bye everyone, I have to go save my Bea Arthur! And my sex life!

Hello, this is Cable, I came with Siryn. Attached to the wall under this message is a comprehensive list of ways to handle/get rid of Deadpool quickly. Just in case you need it. Also, please tell nick Fury that Siryn and I are sorry Deadpool filled the helicarrier with curry two days ago-we thought Bob was watching him.

I need to go torture Deadpool. My kids read this wall!  
>Loki<p>

Fine, I'll take "Imp" from Loki because he's Loki and I know I won't change his mind, but nobody else better call me that. So, Loki, without added fees, you owe me forty-eight dollars and forty-six cents to date. If you can, pay me by Friday.  
>Kid Goblin<br>PS: Dr. Pym wants to talk to Tony sometime in the next day. I assume he'll be in here before then, so I'm putting it here.

Pepper:...Deadpool's name is Wade?

Tony: Yep. Only Siryn calls him that though, and only when she's really ticked off at him. And I just uploaded the list to the Stark Industries computer files, so we won't have to worry about painting around Cable's message. :) Also, going to talk to - which Pym? Jan or Hank?

There's only one Pym, remember? How can you forget who's who? -Clint

Tony: Easy. Jan and Hank are practically married.

You know, Tony actually has a point there.  
>Bruce<p>

Darcy: Hey KG, Loki wanted me to tell you that the money's been wired into your account.

Jane-okay, so I'm going to take advantage of the current lull and try to work on my research. Thor, no offense, but please don't come to my lab, you're too distracting.

Darcy: Thor, she means she thinks you're so good looking that she won't focus, in case you got confused/offended.

Thank for getting me my money Loki...so, I...um, just noticed my dad's in jail now. And his villain ID is public. So...Spidey, I'm staying with you (your aunt just called me to tell me I'm doing it and wouldn't take a no) and I'd like someone to tell me how to get the press to ignore me. And maybe have Dr. Banner tell me how to hide from people for long periods.  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Oh, right, that was why we were hoping we'd never end up capturing the Green Goblin in a huge spectacle...oops.  
>Steve<p>

Thor: You can always visit with my friends in Asgard if you wish, Kid Goblin. I do not believe that the media has developed the ability to follow you there yet...

I don't really think fleeing the planet is a suitable response, Thor. -Natasha

Why not? It worked for Loki when he wanted to avoid going to my family's annual Christmas party.  
>Darcy<p>

Bruce:...Try wearing overly large sunglasses and a baseball cap to start with. If that doesn't work, break out the big guns and wear a wig.

Tony: I know a very good wig shop. I use them for costume parties. You want the address? Seriously, they cam make it look like you have natural green hair and stuff like that.

Darcy, that was a serious emergency. Your brother had already sent me the specifics of every gun and knife he owns. Also, Thor, you're forgetting that Imp has to at least finish high school. Have you seen the employment stats for non-grads? Also, I found a very fun list about college majors and which ones are considered "real subjects" these days...Spider, Imp, for the moment you're both safe if you continue the majors you said you wanted.  
>Loki<p>

I saw the list. Did you know they left English off it completely? Then again, Literature is a different category...anyways, Mr. Stark, please tell me where to find the wig shop... and maybe somewhere with color-change contacts...they're seriously stalking me...  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Okay, this is going to sound like I'm selling you out but...do an interview for the Bugle. If it's not me-related Jameson tends to be pretty good at handling delicate issues, and seriously, get a statement out and they'll start to back off (you don't want to know how long JJ found out one of his reporters stalked Sandman's wife and kid, trust me). We can go after school this week if you want.-Spidey

Darcy: So? He's a collector and he wanted to have something to talk about with you!

I hate to break it to you, Darcy, but when a male relative does something like what your brother did to Loki (whether guns, knives, or various types of workout equipment), it never turns out very well. -Clint

Natasha: You would know, wouldn't you Clint?

I took a peek at the list Loki found, and I have to say that the options sure have changed since I went to College.  
>Bruce<p>

...Spidey, only if you tutor me in math and science for free through exams. Also, Darcy, I'm with Clint...your brother obviously wanted Loki dead. I'm sure he and Miss Sif would get along real well...  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Imp, don't you dare give her ideas! Barton, many thanks for taking my side. I shall shift your weekly allotted pranks to Miss Romanov instead.  
>Loki<p>

To be fair, brother, most would be terrified to find their daughters or sisters dating you, due to your...reputation. It is undeserved in several ways, but nonetheless it makes sense.-Thor

Fine, I'll take your blatant "I didn't study enough and need to beg for tutoring" ploy, KG...so, what time's best for you?  
>Spider-Man<p>

Jane: Too late, Darcy's calling her brother to see if he's single and interested in going on a date with Sif...

...I'm off to fortify my room. No one enter without knocking unless you want to die or come close to it. -Natasha  
>P.S. Yes, that means you, Loki.<p>

Bruce: Really? Are any of those stories about Loki true? Like that thing with the horse?

I'm free around 7. Mister Stark gave me the wig shop address and I have to say, it works like a charm. Thanks Mister Stark and Dr. Banner!  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Loki-All right, before anyone assumes ANYTHING...wait, horrid way to start, um, let's see, look, someone find my a mythology book or something and I'll just annotate the darn thing. And Thor can check my work since no one trusts me. Wait...oh, for crying out loud, my girlfriend really does want me dead!

Natasha, I sincerely doubt barricades/attempts at killing him will help against Loki. Want me and Hank to go ask Dr. Strange for anything? Maybe a way to stop his teleporting?-Jan

It won't work; Jan. Strange said Loki's too chaotic or something. I already tried so he and his kids would stop randomly showing up in my house.  
>Tony<p>

PS: Loki, that wording makes it look like Bruce was right on...

Well, wish us luck! Bye for now!  
>Spider-Man<p>

Darcy: Oh, stop worrying, you big baby. He said he had a new girlfriend anyway.

Loki, have you done something to make Darcy mad at you? If so, I would strongly suggest apologizing. -Hank

I actually went out and bought a mythology book for this, so I hope there's some funny stories to be had. The book's right outside your room, Loki. :P  
>Clint<p>

Pepper:...I go for ONE day of shopping and look what happens...

I believe we made a mistake in the plan with the myth books...not convincing Loki to not sue for libel. I think he has Thor agreeing with him, too...  
>Steve<p>

Tony: To be fair, they have a good case. Loki has witnesses saying he only did like, a third of this stuff (inside PS-horse thing was real), Thor is outraged that they're "maligning Sif's honor" by implying she's a harvest goddess instead of a war one and married to him , etc. so one and so forth. They've got Jane helping them build a coherent case...

People, the original myths were written centuries ago. unless someone living clearly expounded on them and added thing recently, they may have a good case, but good luck finding a target.  
>Bruce<p>

...Why does everyone think I'm mad at Loki? Anyway, I would like to know if the mouth-sewing-thing happened, and if so which dwarves I am to taze.  
>Darcy<p>

Jane: You know, they have a good point. A good case is nothing without a target. Maybe we can get royalties if any of the original authors have living relatives, but that's about it.

Don't worry, Pepper. I'm sure Coulson will send you a copy of the report. FYI, I think some of the filing guys are planning to copy some of the reports and turn them into a book. -Jan

Clint: Maybe everyone thinks that because you seem to be trying to kill him? Oh, and Thor says that no, the mouth-sewing thing never happened.

...How would the horse thing even work? Did Loki really shapeshift into a girl horse?  
>Betty<br>P.S. Hi, Bruce! ;)

IT WAS AN EMERGENCY, OKAY? AND NEED I REMIND YOU THAT MY CHILDREN READ THIS WALL?  
>Loki<p>

Someone remind me to call Pepper in the morning to ask her to contact my lawyers. That book of mission reports will sell like my tech does and we are getting profit percentages for it!-Tony

Hi Betty. You know, I remember when I was still hulked-out after an assignment and that one idiot from filing tried to get Hulk to write a report (thanks for intervening on that one, Cap, could have been bad).  
>Bruce<p>

Steve: Oh, right, that was the one when The Mandarin invaded Atlantis and Namor swallowed some pride and asked for help. That was actually a pretty normal mission, aside from that thing where Tony got chased by sharks.

What do you mean I seem to be trying to kill him?  
>Darcy<p>

Clint: Relax, it's not like we mentioned any details!

Jane: Darcy, your brother hates Loki (as evidenced by the aforementioned e-mail of weaponry), and you were asking him to sit in an enclosed space with both your brother AND your dad. Do the math.

...I hate sharks. And I swear that that one fish muttered something anti-Semitic as we left! -Tony

Wow, I just might buy a copy of that book of mission reports myself! :)  
>Betty<br>P.S. How did Tony get his suit to work underwater? Does he have aquatic Ironman armor or something?

Darcy:...Oh. I see what you mean. Loki, to make it up to you, we're going out for dinner tonight...and then maybe if you're lucky you'll get some dessert. ;)

All right, Darcy...and Barton, I hope you like pink clothes. And archery equipment.-Loki

Betty-Loki, I'm the one who asked about the horse. why blame Clint?

Betty, he's blaming Clint because Clint asked 'what's the big deal?' and that's one of Loki's three least favorite questions, right below 'is a magician really useful in combat?' and any variation of a question about his exact species and family situation.  
>Bruce<br>PS-Mine is 'what could go wrong?' I'm looking at you, Tony.

Damn it, someone released another 'Loki actually killed the real SHIELD liaison and replaced him with a magic-clone-thing' theory. Phil, tell people you aren't dead. Please.—Natasha

Pepper: Yes, Tony actually does have aquatic armor, he just doesn't like to talk about it for some reason...And Tony, I'm sure that the fish didn't mean anything by it, and how would you know if it did?

Who started the first rumor about that? -Jane

Darcy: No need to sound so happy, Loki. :(  
>P.S. Has anyone heard from Jan or Hank lately?<p>

No, not recently...When is that mission report book supposed to be released?  
>Steve<p>

Fury: As soon as it passes inspection to make sure that no sensitive information are in those reports.

Coulson-I don't know who started it, but the thing has yet to die down. Several of the rookies keep eyeballing be, and I think even Maria Hill might have been a bit convinced.

Loki-I'm not sure why Darcy thinks I seem overly happy, outside of the fact that finally she realizes her brother wants to kill me (by the way, is that normal around here? The only time I even remotely threatened Dr. Foster...well, I wasn't all that sane at the time). Also, why do people think I'd want to replace Agent Phil, son of Coul? He's one of the few people in SHIELD worth talking to.

Loki, you constantly try to spook newbies that there's a chance you might still be evil/could do something evil. It's not like they like you.  
>Jane<br>PS-what was that about a threat?

It was a long time ago, Jane, and Loki has proven that he really didn't care one way or the other about actually doing anything other than making me angry. I am fairly certain he realized that may have been a very bad idea.  
>Thor<p>

Tony:...I just knew, okay? And now I'm going to go invent a fish-to-human translator so you'll see that I was right!

Didn't you notice the frowning face, Loki? I'm pretty sure that means she's not happy. -Clint

Natasha: Again, you would know, Clint. And Jan called to say that since Hank was tied up at the moment, they wouldn't be getting back until tomorrow or later.

...That lightning bolt hurt, and really helped to drive the point home. And spooking the newbies is just harmless fun! Like hazing in a new fraternity!  
>Loki<p>

...Loki, shut up. Dinner's in an hour, and we're going to that Italian place with the fish tank. You're paying.

Darcy

We're leaving now. Someone please figure out why she's mad! I have no clue! What does "too happy" even mean?-Loki

Bruce: Tony, I have some ideas for that translator. Come see me.

Spider Aunt-Picking up Spider-Man and Kid Goblin, and I'm taking Vali and Fenrir with me. I'm teaching them how to make hamburgers and we're going to watch the Wizard of Oz. Have fun here!

Steve:...I vote we stay clear of those two until they work it out. Also, who ate the last of the cupcakes that Betty brought over?

...Tony, did you just have that machine you're fiddling with call me fat? -Pepper

Jane: Does Tony have a death wish?

Pepper, I swear I had nothing to do with that! It was the carp's fault! THE CARP!  
>Tony<p>

Well, Loki is the God of Mischief, Lies, and possibly Chaos. He's not exactly that good with social skills not relating to those areas, my friends. Perhaps there was a miscommunication of some sort that he missed?  
>Thor<p>

Sure, why not, a demigod with a relationship crisis... As long as this life issue doesn't lead to him trying to destroy the world (or my tower) like the 'finding-out-he's-adopted' thing did, I say let him work it out himself.  
>Tony<br>PS-Has anyone seen a swordfish? I swear I left it in the pool...

Pepper-Tony, stop with the fish translator. Turns out I'm not the only one it's annoying.

Betty: About the swordfish...it spooked Clint. He shot it, and I'm cooking it. Dinner's in an hour.  
>PS-good thing there's a lot of freezer space...<p>

.o.o.o.

Read and review, everyone! We love reviews!


	18. Fish Fried Foes and Loki's Love Life

A/N: sorry it's been so long, my summer job was hell and I forgot to post the posts to the story. I'm getting them organized now, so at least one more chapter should be up soon!

general zargon and I do not own anyone. They belong to Marvel. The swordfish belongs to Tony.

.o.o.o.

Chapter 18:

Bruce: There has to be, considering that Thor's friend regularly show up with dead deer and/or moose. And Tony, did the goldfish really go on a rant about the government or are you just pulling everyone's leg?

Seriously guys, I didn't do that! Maybe there's something wrong with the circuit relay...-Tony  
>P.S. And now I have to get another swordfish! That's just great!<p>

Clint: Hey, you should have warned everyone that you were keeping it in the pool!

Clint has a point there, Tony. If you insist on keeping giant aquatic animals in the mansion pool, you have to tell people so no one - including the fish - gets injured.  
>Steve<p>

Can we hire Betty as the group cook? I didn't even know you could cook swordfish, but that tasted great!  
>Please, Phil?<br>Clint

Coulson-I believe that's up to her, Clint. I agree with Steve's pool regulation, and does anyone have any ideas about dispelling the 'I'm a fake and the real Phil Coulson is dead' rumors? They're making my job more complicated.

...No clue. I mean, I rely on the joke about a 'it's a life-model decoy' of me answering the phone so much I don't think they've believe me if I said anything...  
>Tony<br>PS-There are two swordfish and a sailfish in the pool. See, I'm telling everyone. I even put a sign up.

Natasha-You, know, I'm wondering what the weirdos who track celebrity purchases will think about Tony buying all these fish...

Steve-I'm banking on they'll guess he's building a mega-aquarium to brag about, or is learning how to make rare sushi.

Betty: Sorry, but I have my own job, even if I visit a lot to see Bruce. ;)

I'd suggest starting a new rumor to counteract the one that's annoying you. I've discovered that people are more likely to listen to rumors than things told to them straight up, surprisingly enough. -Jane

Pepper: Tony, I've told you to stop spreading that joke around! The investors still aren't sure whether they're talking to the real you or not!

That's rather likely, since Tony has bought stranger things before. I reference that one time with the camel and the sailboat.  
>Hank<br>P.S. Jan thinks the fish translator is a great idea. Apparently the sailfish made a very flattering comparison between her and an angelfish...

Darcy: Loki and I are back. Someone kick him for me, please?

Well, while Janet is kicking me, can someone please just tell me what I did already? I read higher and Thor's right, I'm not exactly the king of social skills!  
>Dr. Pym, your girlfriend is having way too much fun with this. Please save me.<br>Loki

Mega aquarium...now there's a plan! I haven't donated anything recently anyway. Pepper, we're giving...Tallahassee Florida a big Aquarium! Steve, help me design it!-Tony

I'll go talk to Darcy. Dr. Pym, please go save Loki. You know, I'm surprised he's let her kick him in the shins so long...those must be really sturdy boots...  
>Natasha<p>

Thor-My best guess is my brother is taking it as penance, despite not know his crime yet. Also...I hope those large sheets of glass in the garage weren't for the aquarium. Jane was trying to teach me to drive and...well...I apologize!

Steve: You just randomly pointed at a map, didn't you, Tony?

Hank, you ruin all my fun! -Jan

Hank: Sorry, Jan, but I think you filled Darcy's request and then some...

Okay, from the story I got out of Darcy, she thinks that you weren't happy to be going on a date with her, and apparently you didn't respond when she tried to flirt with you and try to get you to have $#* with her in the restaurant bathroom.  
>Natasha<p>

Well I wanted to wait until we were back here...you know, not a public...why am I telling you all this? Damn it, now I have to go find her and try and sort this out...anyone seen Darcy, actually?  
>Loki<p>

...Yes I did, Steve. So?  
>Tony<br>PS: Loki, I saw her in the kitchen an hour ago. Did you check her room?

Jan-Okay, since Hank ruined my fun, he's playing Wii Tennis with me in the den. Anyone else up for video game sports?

I do not see why one would play tennis with the Wii. I do not think it would respond well to being hit with a racket…oh, never mind. I just realized the premise. My bad-Thor  
>PS: Brother, your love life has taken up a rather large section of wall at this point. Let us hope our mother does not come and read it before the wall is washed...<p>

Jane: What premise? And Thor, you don't actually hit the Wii with a tennis racket.

...Never mind. I'll help you design the aquarium, as long as you get the swordfish to stop talking smack. -Steve

Tony: I keep telling you, it's not my fault! The swordfish is entitled to his freedom of speech!  
>P.S. Thanks for reminding me, Thor. I'll get the wall cleaned in a bit.<p>

How's the fish translator coming along, Tony?  
>Bruce<p>

Balder: Did I come at a bad time?

So, we now have an extra Asgardian in the tower, and he needs a lot more explanation about video games than Thor. Anyone else think one of you can make sense of it for him? Bruce isn't quite managing...  
>Jane<p>

Great. Balder's here. I'm out. Darcy, you have my cell number, see you at lunch tomorrow. I think I'll go visit Spider and Imp.-Loki

Darcy-Well, we made up, and now he's gone. Do he and Balder have issues? I mean, that was one of the myths marked half-true, so I take it he didn't die or...something...look, we probably need to find out what bits are and aren't right before we try and make them get along...

Wait, wait, how'd he get past security? Don't tell me this one can teleport too? Phil, this is your job buddy, so how'd he get in here?  
>Tony<p>

Ah, Darcy, it is not that simple. You see, they have very different recollections of the incident, both of which are different form my own and other onlookers, for some reason.  
>Tony Stark, I am sorry Balder broke one of the televisions.<br>Thor

Tony: It's coming along good, a few bugs to work out, but I think I finally understand why the second swordfish keeps slipping into French...  
>P.S. It's fine, Thor. I have a spare for just such an occasion.<p>

Don't look at me, Stark, I'm still trying to convince people that I haven't died and been replaced. -Coulson

Clint: Huh, this Balder guy is pretty good at archery. Is that like his thing back on Asgard?

So, I take it that either one or both of them took a bad knock to the head at some point, then?  
>Darcy<p>

Thor: No one knows, Darcy, no one knows...And Balder is very good at archery, though to my knowledge he has yet to best either Sif or Hogun in a contest of skill.

Loki tried to kill me. That is all there is to it.  
>Balder<p>

Need I remind you that you both were the mortal equivalent of twelve at the time, Balder? I doubt anyone can plot true murder at that age-it was an accident you both overreacted to the nth degree on. Now, you and Loki are going to get along, or we're going to have some issues.  
>Frigga<br>PS: Looks like the wall wasn't cleaned in time, Thor. But your brother's love life might make an interesting new myth, to replace some of those incorrect ones...

Suddenly I see where Loki gets the mischief from. Nice to have you here again, ma'am-Steve

Hi grandma! Fenrir and I already turning that into a new saga! And Kid Goblin is proofreading! Want to see?  
>Vali<p>

Darcy: There better not be any *intimate* details in that book, Vali Lokison!

Tony, do something about that sailfish, or we're going to have a problem. -Natasha  
>P.S. A pleasure to see you again, Miss Frigga.<p>

Bruce: What did the sailfish do?

Apparently it kept commenting on the size of Natasha's butt and saying that she needed to go on a diet.  
>Clint<p>

Imp, you're getting a pay cut.  
>Loki<p>

Kid Goblin-For making sure your kids know how to spell? Vali had the word "unexpectedly" spelled three different ways on one page, and none of them were right! Besides, I got them to drop some of the more...uh...private stuff (I do not want to know how you kids know those things).

...Why would he need that word that many times? Oh, and don't worry, the sailfish is off to the aquarium with all the other fish! And now I have to go patent my translator.  
>Tony<p>

Give me the documents now and I'll reconsider. And by now, i mean within one hour of lunch. Or else.  
>Loki<p>

Dear, don't get into "or elses" again. You know how that always turns out. And Thor, where is Jane? I haven't seen her? Is she at her place of work?—Frigga

Pepper: The legal department is on it, Tony. It's pretty much what they're there for, after all.

I don't know where she is, Mother, Jane was supposed to be back an hour ago...-Thor

Steve: Is anyone else worried?

Yes. I'm organizing a search party now.  
>Coulson<p> 


	19. The Hunt, the Hit, and the Pranked!

Sorry this took so long. I've been a bit sick (ton of colds going around my school, thankfully I got the flu shot before that hit but urg I still don't feel great).

Well, here's chapter nineteen of Writing on Tony's Wall! Enjoy, and thanks to general zargon for messaging this with me, as always.

.o.o.o.

Chapter Nineteen: The Hunt, the Hit, and the Pranked!

.o.o.o.

Damn, how many people get kidnapped around here anyways? Darcy, Spider-man, now Jane...and technically Spidey, Kid Goblin, and Loki's kids were in a hostage situation...hot damn we are kidnap magnets!  
>Clint<p>

All right, I'll start a check for magic around the building.  
>Loki<br>PS: Imp, I am pleased with your delivery speed. Your salary will remain unchanged.

Loki, don't take this the wrong way, but you're a pain. I'd say worse, but then your kids read this wall after all. Oh, and Spidey and Tony said to activate mission coms, for anyone who hasn't yet. Me? I'm staying out of it and doing my homework while my charges hang with their grandmother.  
>Kid Goblin<p>

Loki, how did you manage to find a babysitter who knows as much sarcasm as you? Then again, it may be a teenage mortal thing, looking at what your friend Spider-Man writes...-Frigga

*on coms*  
>Loki: Great, my kids' babysitter is in the same vicinity as my mother...I don't even want to know how that's going...<p>

Tony: Don't forget you, Clint. Remember the incident with Bulls-Eyes?

Hank: Jan is trying to call Jane on her cell, but so far no luck.

Loki: If only it were that easy...and there isn't any trace of magic around the building, by the way.

Clint:...That doesn't count!

Natasha: Why not? Oh, and I checked with Jane's workplace, and they said that she left on time and that nothing seemed strange.

Steve: Okay, so we're looking for something that could happen en route from the lab Jane uses in New York to the Tower. Ideas?

Loki: Besides the most-likely-futile hope that she's just stuck in traffic with a dead cell phone? Oh, I don't know...still no signs of magic...just who do we think we're dealing with, exactly?

Tony: No traffic on that route, Jarvis checked. Next idea?

Thor: Perhaps if there was a way to find Jane's van...Son of Coul, you often seem to have ways of keeping track of our movements. Do you have any idea where her car might be?

Coulson: The tracking device in her car says that it's...somewhere in the Mediterranean? I'm going to double check the sensor, or else something strange is going on here.

Tony: Already checked it again. Sensors working fine, so yeah, something screwy is going on. Any ideas how Jane's car - possibly with Jane inside it - got to an island thousands of miles away?

Jan: Magic? Teleportation device? The universe deciding to mess with us?

Spider-Man: Anyone check the traffic cams? They might be able to provide a clue. Oh, and Miss Frigga said that there's going to be a party on Asgard in a week, and that Loki and Thor have to go or else. She didn't say what the 'or else' was...

Thor: Do not ask, Spider-Man. Now, which island? Is there a map I could use to get there?

Tony: Going through the traffic cams now...wow that construction near Madison is doing it all wrong...

Steve: Tony, focus. Look for Jane's car.

Coulson: Thor, I uploaded a map on your com. Please at least take Loki with you, for safety reasons.

Tony: Right...Okay, I found her, looks like she was stuck in traffic for a while...and then the camera frizzed out.

Natasha: Is 'frizzed' even an actual word?

Jan: You want to ask that NOW?

Loki: I hate to break up what would have been a - ahem - fascinating debate, but Thor and I have found Jane's car, minus Jane. Anyone have any better luck?

Spider-Man: Nope, none...you know, since you're the ones _actually at the location._ We're getting on a jet now though, so keep looking!

Tony: Wow, Loki is once-again out snark-ed by a teenager.

Loki: He _is_ a _teenager_, Stark, they are automatically snarkier than everyone else. The fact that I can compete is actually rather amazing...oh, wait, what's that?

Thor: It seems to be left over energy...but energy from what?

Loki: Thor, I do hope you remember that there is an Asgardian sorceress who wants to date you and therefore very much dislikes Jane and-there he goes. Well, this looks fun. Prepare for a magic villain, everyone!

Steve: Our eta is 15 minutes, but Tony should be there in around 6 since his suit can break the sound barrier. Should we expect magical guards or anything like that?

Tony: Better yet, where are we actually going? The Enchantress isn't on that island anymore, is she?

Loki: No, she isn't. I'm sending you quardinates now. Be prepared for stone golems and vases that, when touched, turn someone into a random animal.

Spider-Man: So pretty much the usual then?

Clint: Yup.

Tony: Great. I'd like to take this moment before I arrive to remind everyone of how much I hate magic.

Coulson: I checked the coordinates. It's not so much another island as a few large rocks jutting out of the sea. Be careful with your footing, and I'd recommend to be on guard for the Enchantress to try something over-dramatic, given the location.

Steve: Great…Lord save us from over-dramatic supervillains...and teammates if You don't mind.

Loki: I heard that.

Tony: Me too. Steve, meet doghouse.

Natasha: That's okay, Steve can stay with me until you get over it.

Tony: Wait, what?

Jan: Oh, we're here!

Hank: Are those...giant sea urchins?

Jan: Looks like it. Anyone up for being the pincushion/decoy?

Hank: Spider-Man, can you web them?

Spider-Man: Let me-nope, that didn't work. Looks like it just covers some of the spines, I can't get a good enough grip to move them...

Tony: Spidey, that's actually useful. Cover them so we don't get stuck!

Hulk: OOW! Puny purple spikeball hurt Hulk!

Spider-Man: Ah...too late.

Steve: Well, that takes care of the sea urchins...I hope they don't land on anything important.

Clint: If they do, SHIELD will take care of it, and we'll probably hear all about it from Coulson.

Tony: True - ow, stray spine!

Steve: I hope those aren't poisonous...

Thor: Where are you all? Loki and I did not encounter any sea urchins when we arrived.

Loki: Oh, Oh, I see them. Everyone, you're on the wrong rocks. You're supposed to be on THESE rocks. Oh for crying out loud, look left!

Tony: Oh, didn't even see those. Oops.

Clint: A civilian in danger, we just got fooled and wasted time, and he says "oops". Sure. Why not?

Tony: Okay, look, let's just move rocks, and keep looking for-oh, look, there's the Enchantress now. Prepare for villain monologue, everyone!

Steve: You know, as monologues go, that one actually wasn't that bad...at least until she teleported Jane in, then transformed her into a mountain goat.

Natasha: You know, I've never actually seen Thor that angry. Or summon that much lightning at one time.

Jan: Yeah, but it was pretty funny when Jane head-butted the Enchantress in the stomach.

Clint: Very true. Hey Loki, any chance of you reversing the transformation, or does the Enchantress have to do it?

Loki: My plan is to wait until Amora is defeated, then turn her back. See, Amora's sort of ignoring her right now, and Hulk's keeping her safe due to his love of furry animals, so she's acutally safer than she would be as a human.

Tony: And she'll probably still kill you if she ever finds the record of this convo

Spider-Man: I think Jane will understand...ooh, big guy with an axe. Loki, who's he?

Loki: Skruge the Executioner. He has a crush on Amora, but wants her to be happy and therefore helps her try and get Thor. Yes, he is strange, isn't he? Spider, be a dear and web him. I've got a new ice trick to try...

Hank:...I'm pretty sure that trick violates a few laws of the Geneva Convention, Loki.

Loki: So?

Hank:...Nevermind.

Clint: You know, I just noticed this, but Jane as a mountain goat is actually pretty furry. Somebody get a picture!

Tony: Already done.

Spider-Man: And double-done. What? You guys know I take pictures of me doing this kind of thing for a living. Why is it so weird I have a camera?

Clint: Just wondering where you keep it, Spidey. That costume can't hide much...

Tony: Or anything XD.

Loki: I'm not hearing this.

Thor: Amora is vanquished. Now will someone please pull by brother's fingers out of his ears so he shall stop singing 'I can't hear you, lalalala' and return Jane to normal?

Steve: I'll do it.

Thor: My thanks, Steve. I would rather my girlfriend not be a furry, mountain-dwelling animal longer than necessary.

Natasha: Is it just me, or is Jane glaring at Spider-Man rather evilly?

Jan: It's not just you...do you think she saw Spidey's camera?

Loki: Okay, I'm changing Jane back to normal now. Spider, I suggest you start running. :)

Spider-Man: Be on the jet bye!

Hulk: Spidey runs really fast...

Steve: Sadly, Jane does look ready to kill him.

Spider-Man: I also photographed the Enchantress getting her butt kicked damn it! That's the only one I'll show people I swear!

Hank: At the moment, I don't really think Jane cares, Spidey.

Jane: You're dang right I don't! Those pictures of me are going to be destroyed!

Tony:...Good thing the ones I took are digital. :)

Clint: You probably shouldn't have mentioned that, Tony...

Steve: You know, I'm amazed how much of a chase can go on inside this jet.

Loki: I'm more amazed Spider managed to hide for twenty minutes in one of the above-head compartments, myself.

Coulson: How about you amaze me and get the Enchantress and her pal back here without further incident?

Tony: And this is why I fly outside the plane, everybody!

*Back on the wall*

Natasha: Well, aside from Spidey having to go to the infirmary and Tony getting a black eye, I say that mission went pretty well.

What I want to know is how Jane managed that through my helmet! -Tony

Pepper: And you will never find out, Tony.

Hey, I was just wondering, why exactly is there a sturgeon in the swimming pool now? Did Tony find some new bugs in his fish translator or something?  
>Clint<p>

Tony: I did not put that there. On the other hand, I know a great sushi chef who will LOVE that fish.

Kid Goblin: So...Spidey's in the infirmary? I might not forgive you guys if you break my best friend.

Okay, one, Jane did it because he couldn't resist his picture-taking tendencies (still want to know where he hides that camera), and two...yeah, what exactly would you do, IMP?-Clint

Loki-Coulson, we simply must discuss Hawkeye's proclivity for annoying people he does not need to. If you need me, I am plotting revenge with two teenagers in an undisclosed location.  
>PS: Barton, I found that little prank of yours. For attempting something so amateur on me, you shall pay!<p>

Jan: Um, actually, that prank was me. Sorry! I was trying to get Tony!

...Where did you get all that butterscotch pudding, Jan? -Bruce

Coulson: I've given up on breaking Clint of that habit, Loki. It just doesn't work. And I'm wondering about the pudding myself...

Jane and I will not be available for the rest of the day (and possibly a good deal of tomorrow).  
>Thor<p>

Spider-Aunt: Tell Loki to get out of the 'undisclosed location' soon. It's the boy's curfew in an hour.

Bust-ed-Tony

Not at all, Tony, not at all. We're already done.  
>Oh, and Jan? We knew the Butterscotch was you-Loki forgives you because it tasted really good and he and I were hungry (and KG likes sweets too). He meant the confetti cannon in his bedroom-and I think he's more mad that Clint went in than anything else.<br>Spider-Man

Clint! You stole my confetti canon? Boys and demigod, I want in!-Tony

.o.o.o.

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